Two Lovers, One Sky

Through this ever changing life, there is one constant. That vast inked sky as the sun fell; stars scattered like fairy lights for the angels. Even if a sea of clouds masked its beauty, it was still there. It may not always be visible, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not there. 

I had found myself gazing out the sitting rooms window more and more as the days went on. Life had become a confusing blur of nothing and everything merged into one. It terrified me it was completely out of my power. 

Yet all I could do was sit by the window and watch the stars twinkled back at me, either in reinsurance or mockery, I wasn’t sure anymore. 

The sound of the front door being opened forced me to tear my eyes away from the cosmic beauty. 

Asher’s shoulders were slumped as he rid himself of his shoes and coat. I watched as he shuffled into the kitchen, my greeting not being returned. I didn’t take it to heart too quickly; he must have had a rough day. A few minutes slipped by and I found myself being torn from my wishful stargazing as he returned into the room and took a seat next to me by the window. I smiled, my stomach warming with happiness at his closeness. It had been a while. Or not, I couldn’t remember. He didn’t smile back. He didn’t even throw a glance in my direction as he slowly started to eat his food. 

Highly processed food…again. 

I frowned my brows in concern. “You shouldn’t be eating that junk as much as you have” I scolded lightly. He didn’t respond, just continued eating while gazing out to the night sky. The moonlight illuminated his recently haggard features. How did a young soul get to such a gaunt man? 

What happened?

I had noticed the gradual change that had began a few weeks ago. He lacked the motivation to get out of bed most mornings. Each night he arrived home slower than the night before. His clothes were creased and his was unkempt. Both things Asher once took great pride in. The only food that he stuffed into his mouth consisted of processed or fast food and he barely cleaned up after himself anymore. My cries of concern always fell on deaf ears; he would just walk away as if I hadn’t even uttered a word. This happened everyday now…or did it?

I couldn’t remember. 

In the beginning, when this downward spiral threatened to manifest, I had heard the rumblings of concerned friends when they visited. But they soon stopped coming around when all Asher did was treat them rudely. I had tried to apologize to them for his actions but they acknowledged me the exact same way that Asher had started to…they didn’t. It was if I wasn’t even there and that hurt me deeply. 

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at the man that I loved, my heart clenching in pain from being downright ignored by those I held dear to me. I just cared about his wellbeing, was that so wrong about that?

What happened?

Had I done something to deserve this treatment? I couldn’t remember….

I repeated the question to him, begging for an answer to heal my broken heart. 

He didn’t.

He didn’t flinch at what had been asked, much like he didn’t respond to my presence. 

As if I wasn’t even there. 

Rage accompanied my sorrow and confusion. Tears escaped from their prison as I glared at the unresponsive man. 

“What happened to you? To us? Can’t you see that you’re hurting me? What did I do to make you turn so cruel to me? Why do you hate me?” the questions were shot rapidly one after the other, small gasps making my voice crack pitifully by the end. I clenched my fists as I watched him ignore me, again. 

What happened to my Asher? Where was the man I loved?

“Don’t you see that it’s killing me to see you treat yourself this way? Like you don’t even want to be alive? It hurts when you don’t let me care for you when you clearly need to be. Days go by without me even noticing and that scares me, Asher. I can’t remember important details of our lives. How we met, our first kiss, what I love about you. But I do remember that I love you with my entire being and it kills me to watch you disregard your health, us and this home that we have created. What happened?”

My eyes screwed close in pain, not having the strength to look at him anymore. Sobs rippled my body and it soon became hard to breathe in anything larger than a short pant. 

What happened?

Another’s sob made my eyes spring open.

The plastic container of food had been carelessly dropped to the ground causing the contents to spill out. That’s not what mattered. 

Asher held his face in one of his hands, large sobs raking his body violently as tears cascaded down his tired face. The sight threatened to slice at my tired and abused heart strings. No matter how mad I was at him, I could never wish the pain upon him that shone in his slightly parted bloodshot and tired eyes. He looked completely broken. 

“I miss you…I miss you so much” he whispered. 

Confusion joined my sadden tears. “I’m here…I’m right here” I choked out as I reached a hand out to comfort him. I let out a sound of horror as I watched the appendage moved straight through his shoulder, as if he wasn’t even there. 

…like I wasn’t even there.

What happened?

Visions of harsh lights pierced my eyes as I squinted in response; my body was unnaturally numb compared to the wounds that it had sustained. The car was swirled off the road into the dense forest. The windows were shattered and the air bags that had once been deployed had deflated. A sharp monstrous tree branch had pierced its way through the glass and imbedded itself into my chest. I could hear people shouting but it became a single muffled sound as I slipped in and out of consciousness, my head feeling like it was filled with cotton balls. A single thought managed to piece through the haze as I stared out to the clouded night sky.

I have to get home to Asher.

Through this ever changing life, there is one constant. That vast inked sky as the sun fell; stars scattered like fairy lights for the angels. Even if a sea of clouds masked its beauty, it was still there. It may not always be visible, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not there. 

The stars seemed to not shine as bright as they used to, almost as if they were paying their respects to the stargazing lovers that longingly looked back up at them. Even through all of the changes, both were staring up at the same sky. 

One in denial of death, and the other unable to move on from it.