Reunion (Part 3)

The next song was back to the same pop garbage we’d been listening to before. Still, I kept in character and grinded against Michael. Slowly the others rejoined us on the dance floor. It wasn’t quite as much fun with everyone around us, especially having to watch Hailey molded to Daniel. But many more watched me, and I could almost imagine Ariana waiting to pounce and drag me away for a light-hearted interrogation. Nervous butterflies assaulted my stomach, but it was an oddly pleasant sensation. I managed to fend off Ariana and the others for a few songs. Michael picked up on my mood and moved me around the floor. I knew I’d have to face them eventually, but not just yet.  

Finally, in a pause between songs, Ariana walked deliberately toward me, Cara in tow. Hailey watched curiously but didn’t move to follow. She still hung on Daniel. I faced Michael, fully intending to ignore them until I was ready to stop dancing. Let them stew a little longer. Then the next song came on and my arms dropped of their own accord. Michael looked at me in askance.  

I bit my lip. “I’m sorry... I can’t dance with you. Not to this.” And though I prayed they wouldn’t, my eyes drifted away from Michael and over to Daniel. He stared back. I pulled away and left the dance floor. Everyone else had started dancing again or moved to get drinks or food. Except Daniel. I felt his gaze burning a hole in my back as I walked outside.  

 What was I thinking? I’d added the song on a hopeless whim. Another of the ones I’d snuck past Hailey. But that was before I came up with this whole ridiculous plan. I’d completely forgotten it was still on the playlist. Our song, from so long ago I was sure he’d never remember. Certainly, he’d never feel the same gut-wrenching pain every time he heard it play. But the look on his face before I left mirrored my own. I leaned against the wall of the hotel, breathing deeply through my nose. In that moment, I regretted my petty scheme. I regretted coming at all. Even when I was acting completely opposite from myself, I still ended up alone, on the outside, feeling the same way I did in high school. Nothing had really changed.  

“Hey.”  

My eyes snapped open and I shrugged away from the rough stone. Without looking, I knew his voice. I didn’t want to say anything.  

“Hi.” 

He looked nervous, but his eyes never left mine. “You left kind of suddenly. Are you alright?” 

I shrugged. “Fine. Just, not in the mood to dance.” 

“Oh, I thought your boyfriend might have upset you.” 

I almost snapped that he wasn’t my boyfriend but remembered my ruse. I just shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.” It was none of his business anyway, fake boyfriend or not. “Why are you out here?” 

He still stared at me, as if trying to find answers without asking questions. He was looking for something specific, but I had no idea what.  

"The song...I... I just needed a break. From dancing. Too." He finally dropped his gaze, looking away. Neither of us spoke for a moment. 

I cleared my throat. “Uh, having fun?” The silence all but dragged the empty question from my lips.  

“Not really,” he said to the ground. “This is really more Hailey’s thing than mine. You?” 

“Yeah,” I answered. Surprisingly, it had been true up until that damn song came on.  

“Michael seems nice,” Daniel muttered.  

“He is.” Once again, silence fell between us, tense enough to shatter. Neither of us seemed able to broach the one subject we were dancing around, keeping to the safer small-talk. 

Daniel let out a long sigh. He shifted his stance, fists clenched again. I looked into his eyes and found them burning. “Are you really… you know?” he stuttered? Blunt though he could sometimes be, I’d never expected him to be this direct. Over the years and meager few times we’d ever seen each other, we never talked about anything serious, and absolutely nothing romantic.  From the day I dumped him, we’d never even considered discussing “us”.  

“Am I what?” I tried to forestall either lying to him or revealing my childish scheme.  

“Um, well, Hailey said you were, um, pregnant. With Michael.” I wasn’t sure if he’d missed the clues Michael dropped or just wanted to blame the revelation on someone else, just in case it wasn’t true. 

“Oh. Yes, I am.” Between the waves of emotion rolling off him and my own embarrassment, I couldn’t bear to tell the truth.  

Daniel just stared at me. “You never seemed like you wanted to… I mean, you never, with me…” 

“We were fourteen,” I reminded him, utterly shocked he’d just called back to a time when we were together.  

“Do you love him?”  

“I do. A lot.” I looked away, hoping my mediocre lies went unquestioned.  

“Did you love me?”  

My jaw dropped and my eyes snapped back to his. Oh, why couldn’t we have had this conversation over five years ago. A single face flashed in my mind in answer. Hailey’s. “I did. More than I realized. But by the time I did, it was too late.” No acting was required this time. My voice was hollow as I spoke the truth.  

“Do you… still feel that way?” He barely whispered it. I couldn’t get a read on his tone. Why on earth was he asking me this? 

“Do you?” I fired back, unable to admit how I felt.  

“Sometimes, I wonder… I think about you.” 

“You’ve had five years to do something about it,” I told him a little more harshly than I’d intended. My feelings, unspoken or otherwise, seemed to seep out.  

“I’m with Hailey,” he said. It might have been the rebellious hope that never left my chest, but it sounded like he was reminding himself as much as me. 

“And I’m with Michael,” I replied softly. I was done pushing. Either he’d say what I’d waited so long to hear, or he wouldn’t.  

“Yeah, and with a baby on the way.” A weak smile stretched across his face. “Congratulations.”   

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” My chest felt empty and I struggled to keep my face from falling. Part of me wanted to spill everything now, a desperate attempt to see if it changed anything. My plan was never to force him into revealing he still had feelings for me, but now I couldn’t just let him walk away. But clicking heels stalled my tongue before I could take the plunge.  

“Daniel, there you are. What are you doing out here?” Hailey’s high-pitched voice rang from down the hall. 

He turned to face her. “Just catching up with Jess. It was pretty crazy in there. I guess we both had the same idea to grab some fresh air.” 

 I just smiled and nodded along. Five years later and I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I really felt. For some reason, I wanted to salvage what was left of this miserable reunion without her anger tainting it, just like I wanted to preserve my high school years without being totally ostracized by her. I was again struck by how little had changed despite my efforts.  

“You do look a little pale, Jessica. Wouldn’t want to stress you out in your condition.” She seemed morbidly thrilled that I was “knocked-up”.  

I rolled my eyes.  “Thanks. I’d better head back. Michael is probably wondering where I am.”  

“Ariana’s kept him company while you caught your breath,” Hailey said with a smirk. She was trying to make me jealous, but I didn’t have the energy to pretend to care.  

“Great. See you guys in there.” I walked away as fast as I could before she could say anything else. A small, vicious part of me hoped they fought about this little encounter once I was back inside. Already, I thought I could hear Hailey’s angry murmurs.   

Back inside, Michael was indeed talking to Ariana and Alden. The rest of the gang had filtered away, either onto the dance floor or near the food.  

“You okay, babe?” Michael asked when I walked up to their table.  

“Totally. Just needed a minute. What are you guys talking about?” 

“Your friends were just telling me a ton of embarrassing stories about you.” He grinned in genuine amusement. I could only imagine what teen awkwardness Ariana was regaling him with. There was plenty to choose from.  

 “Gee, thanks.” I faced Michael. “Which one’s your favorite?” 

“Definitely how you met Daniel. Did you really trip into him?”  

I eyed him, wondering why he chose that story. “Yeah. I was about as coordinated then as I am now. I stepped on his foot and could barely mutter out an apology, let alone introduce myself.” 

He snorted. “That’s like something right out of a romantic comedy.” He winked at me.  

“And of course, Mikey’s given us the dish on you guys too,” Ariana chimed in. “How you met—” 

“Work,” Michael supplied.  

“Your first date—” 

“Concert.” 

“How you told him the good news,” she pointed to my belly. 

“Sparkling cider and a bubble bath for two,” Michael finished with a completely straight face, despite the utter nonsense coming out of his mouth.  

I had to remind myself to laugh along. “That pretty much sums us up, doesn’t it, honey?” The endearment immediately felt wrong in my mouth.  

Michael nodded happily. “I’d love to tell you guys about baby names, but it looks like your superlative contest is about to go down,” he said, gesturing toward the small stage set up at the front of the ballroom. Hailey walked up to the microphone stand, a single spot light washing her out. The music stopped abruptly. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me just say how excited I am to be sharing this night with all of you. I’ve loved reconnecting with old friends and catching up with everyone. Now, if you remember when you came in, there were nomination sheets stacked on the table next to the name tags for the superlative contest. Well, the votes are in.”  

She pulled a list from an embossed envelope and took a deep breath. “The winner for ‘Hasn’t Changed Since High School’ is… Jesus Dominguez.” There was a burst of applause as Jesus stepped up on stage to receive a pin declaring the category he’d won. Hailey shook his hand before he returned to the crowd.   

Several more meaningless superlatives drifted by. I clapped mechanically for each winner, but I was ready to leave the second it was appropriate to do so. This night hadn’t really turned out the way I had hoped. Part of me was a little stung I hadn’t won anything, just another thing that hadn’t changed since high school, but I immediately shoved those petty thoughts away. I didn’t care about a silly award. I'd already failed in what I'd come here hoping to accomplish, though looking back at my initial ludicrous plan, I could hardly remember what that was.  

“Last but not least, the award for ‘Cutest Couple’ goes to...” Hailey pouted for a moment before dragging a false smile across her face, “Jessica Hall and her boyfriend, Michael!”  

Everyone’s eyes were on us and Michael had to tug on my hand to get me to move toward the stage. I couldn’t believe it. We were hardly established as a couple among these people. Hell, we weren’t a real couple at all. How on earth did we, or more likely Michael, sell this charade so well? I didn’t really want any form of documentation to remember this night by, but I guess winning did match my goal for being different. I tried to smile as I accepted the pin from Hailey. Mine was probably as fake as hers. She didn’t say anything, but threw her arms around me briefly, like we were still in high school, still friends.  

Face bright red, I looked at the ground as we left the stage and returned to where the rest of the group was standing. The reunion was wrapping up. 

“Hey, guys, it was really great to meet you, but I think we are going to get going,” Michael said. He put his arm around me. The girls all rushed forward to give me one last hug, telling me how good it was to see me again, how we should hang out sometime soon. I knew it wouldn’t happen, didn’t necessarily want it to, but grinned back all the same.  

Michael dropped his arm from my shoulders to my lower back, letting it linger there for a moment before taking my hand. He held it as we walked out of the ballroom and out to the parking lot, only dropping it to open the car door for me. 

“Thank you,” I said once we were seated inside. “For everything.” 

“Did it go the way you envisioned?” he asked, though a hint of doubt was clear in his voice.  

“Not exactly. This was kind of a misguided plan in the first place. But you were great.” 

“Of course,” he said. His half-smile slowly faded as he drove back toward his house.  When we pulled into the drive way, all the lights in the house were off. Brandon must have gone home, because I didn’t see another car.  

“So, uh, see you at work?” I mumbled awkwardly because when he’d shut the car off, he made no moves to get out. He just looked at me. “What?” I asked, finally dropping his intense gaze.  

“I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for,” he said softly.  

I shrugged. “Oh, it’s okay. Dumb idea anyway.” 

Michael shook his head. “You deserve better. Than him.” He read too well into my lackluster mood.  

“Yeah, well…” I wasn’t sure what else to say.  I met his eyes again and the same intensity was there. He’d leaned toward me as we spoke, and I unconsciously mirrored the movement. Before I knew what he was doing, he pressed his lips against mine, rough at first but then softer. His hand went to my face, his fingers trailing gently down my cheek. The kiss was different from those we’d shared at the reunion. Then he was putting on a show. Now I could feel something else. Real emotion.  

I pulled away. “What are you doing? We’re alone.” 

His eyes were rounder than a puppy dog’s, looking up at me through his lashes. His mouth twitched toward his easy smile. “I know.”  

“So you don’t have to fake it anymore,” I explained slowly, though I feared that wasn’t what was going on. 

Michael ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Did that feel like acting to you? Jess, come on.” He reached to take my hand, but I pulled it away.  

“But you’re… gay, aren’t you?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Labels,” he scoffed. “You decided that about me, I never told you as much. I like whoever I like, nothing more or less.”  

“But what about Brandon?” 

“We uh, we haven’t been doing great lately. He put on a brave face for you but wasn’t in love with this whole plan. It was the latest of many fights,” he said with a grimace.  

“This – this is too much. Why didn’t you say anything before?” 

“I don’t know, you didn’t seem interested. I didn’t know you that well. Then, out of the blue, a reason to spend more time with you. And after that story, I figured you could use some closure before I made my move.”  

I don’t know what was wrong with me. I really liked Michael. He was funny and sweet, obviously dedicated if his role in my more idiotic by the minute plan was any indication. He was attractive, which didn’t hurt, and a talented actor, though perhaps not as good as I thought. I wasn’t sure how much of the reunion was acting now. Still, he was more amazing than I had any right to ask for. But I couldn’t let myself be with him.  

“I’m sorry, Michael, so sorry. But this, this was just pretend, just for tonight. And I had such a good time with you, but I can’t.” It was difficult to look at his as the torrent of words left my mouth.  

He studied my reluctant expression. “It’s him, isn’t it. God damn, after all these years, it’s still Daniel? After what you told me about him, about all of them?” 

I just shook my head, finding I couldn’t deny it. Deep down, none of my feelings had gone away. I was too much of a coward to tell Daniel that when he’d asked and too much of one now to say it out loud to Michael. Rather than bring the closure he imagined, this whole charade and seeing Daniel again had only stirred up those feelings. I couldn’t, in good faith, give myself to a great guy, someone who was becoming a good friend, when my heart still lingered hopelessly elsewhere. I sounded like a soap opera.  

“What is wrong with you? You’re like some sort of emotional masochist. That idiot isn’t going to leave her, even if he wants to. Why continue to put yourself through this?” 

“I can’t change the way I feel,” I argued back lamely.  

Michael snorted humorlessly. “Yeah, well there’s a lot of that going around.” He took a long breath through his nose. “Good night, Jessica.” 

I didn’t say anything as I opened the door, a pathetically apologetic look on my face, pleading with him for this all to just go away. Of course it wouldn’t. I knew better than anyone that feelings tended to do the exact opposite of what you wanted. Maybe I did like torturing myself. I’d successfully hurt another guy who cared about me because I couldn’t get over the first one, even after years of watching him with someone else.  

With my luck, I’d realize my mistake all over again just in time to see Michael with another girl. Or guy. I wondered if the empty longing in my chest would ever change focal points, or better yet, go away all together. Probably not. But I knew one thing for sure. I was never going to another reunion again. The past hurt me enough without running to greet it.  

The End