Chicago Witch Trials, Part II: Duck, Duck, Ghost

“HOWARD!” I screamed, bolting upright. A sharp pain shot up my arms. Panicked, I looked down and saw that somebody’d stabbed tubes into them. And worse! They’d taken my dress and put me into this ugly, polka dotted gown! My head began to spin as I looked back and forth. Luckily, some old lady wearing a too-big sunhat handed me a trash bin. She waited until I was mostly done puking to say gently, “Mary?”

“Uh, yeah,” I grunted, the taste of liquor and vomit making my eyes water. A tear spilled down my cheek as I squinted at her. “Who’re you?”

“My name is Raelyn Nicolo,” she said, resting back into the chair positioned next to my hospital bed. “A…consultant for these kinds of cases.” Before I could ask, she showed me her hands and said quickly, “I know you’re confused. And you might not remember everything that happened. But it’s okay. You’re safe-”

“As long as you work with us,” said another female voice. I turned. A tall woman in a black suit and ugly boots was standing by the door, muscular arms crossed over her chest. Her short hair was mostly black, except for two silver patches next to her temples. And, for no reason except to maybe look cool, she was wearing tinted sunglasses in doors.

“Not helping,” the old lady, Raelyn, whisper-shouted at her.

The other lade ignored her. “Three days ago you were caught in a battle between two red witches,” she told me, as if I was supposed to know what she was talking about.

“…Battle-WAIT!” I reached up and touched my neck. It was wrapped in bandaging. “Clifford the Reverse Werewolf Samurai!!!”

“Er, what?” said Raelyn.

I frowned, I lowered my hands and stared at them. They, too, were heavily bandaged. "I’d…I’d cut them on the glass. The glass had been breaking apart, making a door for…for that lady! The lady that Clifford was after! The lady that-

“That bitch!” I snarled. “She tried to kill me!”

“And then what?” Realyn pushed gently.

“…And then…and then this guy was there. He was naked. Big and sexy and he said…” I furrowed by brow as I struggled to remember. “Said his name was Lincoln…No! Kennedy! Kennedy Lincoln. But…he wanted to be called something else…” I closed my eyes, but the memory just wouldn’t come back. He was there, kneeling over me, and then BAM! I’m waking up in the hospital room, talking to-

I looked at the two ladies. “Uh, who are you guys?” I asked. “FBI?”

Sunglasses lady snorted in disgust. “Please.” She turned to Raelyn. “I’ll run the background check and-” She stopped mid-sentence and made another, impatient sound. “I do not have time for this right now,” she muttered darkly. She turned and left the room, leaving me alone with Raelyn.

“What’s her problem?” I grumbled.

“Would you like the list in chronological or alphabetical order?” Raelyn chuckled sadly. She reached out and took one of my hands. Hers was wrinkly and calloused but also warm. “I’m sorry that you got dragged into this, sweetheart. And I’m sorry to have to press you, but did this man, Kennedy, say anything else? Or maybe the woman-?”

“Who was she?” I asked.

Raelyn grimaced and glanced around the hospital room, almost as if she’d been here before. “A girl so broken that she decided to tear the world apart with her pieces.” She let go of my hand and clasped both of hers across her lap. “And I’m the one who gave her the power to do it.”

“…Because she’s a, uh, red witch? Right?”

“Not at first. But she is now. And worse.”

People suddenly started shouting out in the hall. Raelyn rolled her eyes and got to her feet. As she did so, she unhooked a squarish holster on her hip and pulled out a book. “Do you believe in angels, Mary?” she asked me.

What the fuck kind of question is that?!

Somehow I managed to keep my cool and say, “Sure.”

Raelyn nodded approvingly. “Good, she said, opening her book. “Because I’m going to lend you one of mine.” She flipped to a specific page and placed a finger on it. The lights in the room flickered as she said quickly, “Bond, bond, bond.” The power went out after the last word and then came back on just as quickly.

A baby was now sitting at the foot of my bed. A boy. He was wearing a tiny tuxedo with a striped bowtie. It. Was. Adorable.

“This is Gabriel,” Raelyn said while inserting her book back into its holster. “He’ll be your guardian angel for the next few days. If remember anything, tell him straight away and he’ll report it back to me, no matter where I am.”

“…Er, okay,” I said, staring unblinkingly at the baby. He turned his big ole sleepy eyes at Raelyn and yawned. ADORABLE! I was so transfixed by his adorableness that I barely registered the old woman giving my shoulder a gentle, comforting squeeze and hurrying out of the room. I made out some guy shouting in Spanish as she opened and closed the door behind her. But I didn’t care, because baby Gabriel had tipped forward onto his pudgy arms and started crawling towards me. Eyes big, I reached out towards him, ready to give him the most bestest, most lovingest hugs in the whole wide w-

He scooted onto my belly and curled his tiny fist into the front of my hospital gown. He yanked me forward until our noses were practically touching. “Listen here,” he said with the voice of a two-pack-a-day-smoker, “I ain’t your friend. I ain’t your babysitter. You’s my job, little girl. My word is law. You best forget everything you knows about the world. If I says you’s a duck, I better only hear one specific noise out of that mouth of yours, y’here?”

“Um, what?” I gasped.

He curled his other fist into my gown and shook me so hard my eyes started spinning. “What sound’s a duck make?!” he snarled.

“I-I don’t-”

“WHAT SOUND’S A FUCKING DUCK MAKE!!!!!!”

“Q-Quack!” I sobbed while being practically strangled by my guardian-angel-baby. “Quack! Quack!” 

#

Raelyn slipped out into the hallway and rolled her eyes again as a man’s booming voice instantly bombarded her ears. It was her son-in-law, Armando. He stood with one hand on his hip and the other being used to point a finger in Juniper’s face. “You promised, Juniper,” the big man declared in Spanish. “It’s her graduation!”

“Jenna will understand,” Juniper snapped back, an uncharacteristic amount of emotion in her voice. “I have a job to do. People’s lives are on the line.”

“That’s what you said on her last five birthdays! And every Christmas!” Armando showed Juniper his hands. “People die every day, June. You’re missing out on watching our daughter live!”

Juniper arched an eyebrow at him.

“Are you seriously asking me to sacrifice lives just to watch her walk across a stage and grab a piece of paper?”

“Oh, no!” Armando laughed incredulously. “You are not making me the bad guy here-Raelyn?” He had finally spotted Raelyn towards the end of the hall. His scowl was replaced by a wide grin. “Mama!” He pushed past Juniper and raced to give Raelyn a hug. The old woman returned it as wholeheartedly as her body would allow.

“Hello, Mando,” she chuckled into his broad chest. Mercifully, he placed her back down and held her at arm’s length.

“It’s been too long!” he laughed. He looked her over and then back at his wife. “Aha! I knew it! You’re not a cold and heartless bitch! You were just picking up your mother!” He looked back down at Raelyn. “Jenna is gonna be so happy to see you!” He started looking around. “And Ignacio, too! Where is he?”

“Studying overseas,” Raelyn answered, which technically wasn’t a lie. It truly pained her to have to burst the large man’s bubble, but better her than Juniper. “And I’m actually here as a consultant, Mando. Helping Juniper with a case. Remember that coven of witches who kidnapped you way back when?”

Armando let go of her and crossed his arms over his chest. “I do,” he said gravely. “They have returned?”

“No, not them.” Raelyn gestured to herself and then Juniper. “But if we don’t do something soon, a new coven might rise up in Chicago.”

Armando took a moment to absorb her words. He then suddenly slammed his left fist into his right palm. “Alright! It’s settled then!”

Raelyn blinked. “Uh, what is?”

Armando whipped around and pointed VERY dramatically at his wife. His voice boomed like a thunderstorm throughout the hallway, and even the rest of the hospital as he declared, “Together, as a family, we shall cull this new clan of sick brujas! We will bring about peace and harmony! We will win! And then, you, my beloved sociopath, will attend our daughter’s high school graduation. You will wear a dress. You will hold my hand and let me shower you in many, many kisses.”

He leaned in.

Juniper actually flinched back.

“And you. Will. Smile.”