Breath In

She sat with her belongings stuffed in a bag beside her, swaying gently from side to side with the movement of the train, staring out the window.  

The train stops, doors open.

The great exchange of people.  

Conversations buzz.  

Doors close.  

Jackline looks out over the city as the train zips along.  A million speckled lights multiplied by the rain droplets building up on the window.  She watched as the droplet came together and streaked down the window, matching the tracks down her cheeks.  

Doors open.  

People hurrying.  

Doors close.

The light rustlings of someone sitting in the seat next to her started Jackline - crowded as it was, most people avoided the crying girl.  Jack looked over and through her blurry eyes saw a woman with grey hair and a bright pink jacket.  The woman had her eyes closed, clutched her bag tightly, and was breathing very steadily.  

Breath in.

Breath out.

The two women sat side by side, swaying together with the movement of the train.

Jackline watched the tall buildings of her city pass by.  A sight that once filled her with pride and comfort now filled her with memories and hurt.  Her heart sank as fresh tears collected at her eyelashes, blurring the buildings away.

Breath in.

People in.  People out.

Buzz of noise.

Breath out.

Sniff.

The woman beside her whipped out a Kleenex from thin air and passed it to Jackline.  She extended her fingers and accepted the gift.  Blowing her nose was not delicately done but she was beyond caring.  Jack muttered a quiet, “Thanks.”

“Seriously girl.  I don’t think I was this much of a mess 6 years ago when I was leaving my husband's funeral on this train,” said the woman beside her.

“I have my reasons,” Jack managed to get out.

“Well, where are you off to in such a state?  I hope some comforting arms are at the other end of this line for you dear.  You sure look like you need them.”  

Jackline looked at the woman with the grey hair pinned up and piercing green eyes caressed by folds of soft skin.  “I have no one.  I have left the only person I have had in this world since my parents passed away.  I am alone.”

“Come now girl.  I know young ones tend to fall hard but there is always new life and places to grow out of hard times.”

Jackline looked back to buildings blurring by.  Her mind raced through the events of the evening, pictures of him flashed up.  

His scent crawled up her nose.

The feel of his skin against her hands.

Walking under the tall buildings, hands tangled.

His look of surprise when she came home early.

The space that was once comfort; suddenly drenched in frigid water.

His words flying out; as if they meant anything anymore.

Her vision blurred and faded.

“Well,” came the voice next to her, as if from a deep tunnel, “Where are you headed then?”

Jackline blinked.  

Blurred lights.

“Whatever the last stop is.  I’ll find somewhere to stay.  I can’t stay in this city.”

“Do you have friends in Foxburry then?”

“No.  I will find a room somewhere,” said Jackline.

“There aren’t any hotels in Foxburry, dear.”

Jackline’s head snapped over to the older woman.  “Do you mean to tell me I am riding this train just to sleep outside?”

“Don’t be silly.  You will stay with me.”

Jack straightened and turned to face this person next to her.  The train had quieted down now that they had passed the center of the city.

“You don’t even know my name?!”

“Well, I assumed we might get to that at some point.  I’m not one to leave a broken soul out if I can help it.  Not many wander out to Foxburry though mind you.”

Sway to a stop.

Breath in.

“Well girl, what is your name then.”

A few people walk out.

Cold breeze flowing in.

Breath out.

“I’m Jack, said Jackline.

The older woman whipped around to face Jack.  “That’s preposterous!  That is a boy's name.”  Suddenly squinting at Jack, she continued, “Unless….”

“I’m Jackline but am called Jack,” she replied quickly.  “Sorry for the confusion.”

Sway to a stop.

“Well Jackline.  I am Mave, and you can come stay with me for the weekend.  Nature will breathe some life back into you with a bit of time.”

“I don’t want new life.”

“Well, dear.  All things with time.”

Breath in.

Doors close.

Sway with the acceleration.

Eyes growing heavy.

Exhaustion.

***

“Come now dear, time to wake up,” Mave’s voice pulled Jack back into awareness.  

The train had stopped.

They gathered their things and stepped out into the frigid night air that creeped up Jack’s exposed arms.  Walking out they were greeted by stars and darkness.  A different hum of noise filled Jack’s ears.

“What’s that noise?” she asked.

“Night peepers dear.  You really never left the city did you?”

Jack strained her eyes to see, unsure what a peeper was.

Mave walked with a pace that impressed Jack over to a car.  Opened the truck with a beep that pierced the night and placed in her day bag.  Jackline walked over with her two overfilled bags and stood, unsure what to do.

Mave approached the girl, pulled one bag off her shoulder and added it to her car.

“You’re really just going to bring me to your home?”

“Can’t say I’ve done it before, but I am getting tired of how quiet it is.”  Mave suddenly stopped and brought her eyes up to Jack’s.  “Maybe we are both needing a bit of change in our lives.  And really, dear, you look quite pathetically sad.”

Jack dropped her second back in the truck and the women quickly got into the car, the chill of the night air following them inside.

Mave drove them along roads that forever went up.  Jack could not pull her eyes from the window - the complete blackness and lights above.  “Are those really all stars?  There are so many!”

“Our lights out here in the country are different from those you are used to, girl.”

Turn. Sway.

Crunch of tires on gravel.

Breath in.

Eyes heavy.

After driving up what felt like all the hills on this side of the world, the car was brought to a stop.  The women got out.  Mave picked up her bag and one of Jacks and started up a flight of stairs.  Jackline, slower in processing what was happening, picked up her other bag and followed.

Bang of the trunk closing.

Breath out.

Stairs.

Never ending stairs.

Burning muscles and pounding heart.

Breaths that never fell full enough.

So many stairs.

“Seriously - how is this old lady so far ahead of me?” though Jack.

Soft lights in a house.

Warmth caressing.

Soft couch cushions.

Fuzzy blankets and heavy limbs.

Quiet unheard words.

Breath in.

A sea of stars, dazzling along the sky. 

Better than any nightlight.

Blissful sleep.

Breath out.

***

Notes from bird songs dancing in the air.

Thick scent of coffee grounds.

Slow savory breath in.

Eyes flicker open.

“Well dear, hope you got some good rest.  You were quite in need of it,” Mave said.

Jackline gave her eyes time to adjust to the brightness of the room.  A light breeze brushed against her face as she sat herself up.  Her eyes found Mave on the chair next to her.  She held out a steaming cup of coffee.  Jack’s mouth salivated as she reached out to accept the drink.

“How long have you lived out here?” Jack’s voice cracked with it’s first use.

“I’ve been here 40 years.  It’s been just me now for 6 years.  Husband passed away.  Kids all far away, busy with their own lives.”

Breath in.

Hot liquid flowing down.

“That sounds lonely,” said Jack.

“Well,” Mave started.  “I thought a lot last night.  I have a proposal for you.  If you will stay for a week, I would like your answer at the end of the week.”

Jack was looking into the soft tired face across from her.  A silence grew out before she realized a response was expected.  “I would love to sleep on this couch for a week, if you will have me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, girl.  You passed out there before I could get a word in.  Could have dragged you over to a bed but you seemed content.”  A smile crept up on Mave's face as she continued.  “I am tired of living in a large house to myself.  I would like to meet people and possibly one day travel a little.  If you are willing, I would like to pass this house to you if you will help me turn it into a bed and breakfast first.”

Jack had no words.  She had enjoyed entrepreneurial challenges in the past.  Her eyes started roaming the room in a different way, seeing beyond the woman in front of her and the coffee cup.  She opened her mouth to speak but Mave held up a hand.

“I told you.  Wait a week, then give me your answer.  I know you have no purpose to your life and all, but there is one here for you - if you want it.”

Mave smiled warmly, got up, and walked out of the room, revealing the wall of windows she had been blocking.  Two stories worth of full length windows gave views of tumbling hills, low valleys, land racing out to the horizon, traced by white topped mountains.  The door to a large deck had been left open.  Her feet moved along, pulled by a desire to exist in the world outside the glass, she found herself standing on the edge of a cliff.  The edge of the deck had a railing that did nothing to stop her stomach from plummeting, looking down at the small trees below.  The sun reflected along the creeks and river, green painted the canvas around her.  Such a view was only real in brochures.

Breath in.

All things come in time.

Bird songs carry on the breeze.

Sun licking your cheeks.

Breath out.

Purpose and Time.

All things can grow.