Don Quick Oats

"Don, Don, hey, buddy. You in there?" I heard the voice, which seemed to be coming from under a thousand blankets. Maybe I was under the blankets. Opening my eyes, I found myself in a cocoon, trapped.

"Sangio, I think I need help. I'm here, but I'm stuck in some kind of chamber. It's dark. I can't see anything, and my movement is limited," I called to my very best friend in the world, Sangio Pasta.

"I've got you, buddy. Just give me a second. It looks like you might be tangled."

"Tangled! I'm snared in the jaws of some dark presence. Sangio, please tell me you can free me," I begged. I felt my blood pressure increasing, and I touched my index finger to my carotid artery to see what was going on with my pulse. My heart was racing. Surely I wasn't going to find my end here in this strange place. I wanted to be home with my loved ones.

After some jostling, Sangio cheered, "You certainly got yourself tangled last night. So many sheets and blankets! It's a good thing I stopped by this morning. You might have been holed up here all day." Sangio was saying other stuff, too, but I couldn't hear him through the layers and layers of this chamber between us. And then, I felt the cold. There was a rush of air to my feet and legs, and when I adjusted my head and neck to try to see what was going on, I saw it...daylight.

"Sangio, you freed me from my torment. We must see my intended, Sienna. I must tell her how I freed myself from this alien cocoon," I implored.

"Don, you know how much I hate to be around Dull Sienna. Why are you with her? She is so boring. You could do so much better."

"You wound me, Sangio. Sienna is my destiny, and today is her birthday. I plan to present her with a gift fit for a queen, therefore, we must get on with our day and our plans."

I followed Sangio to his car, and we decided to drive around the plains a litle bit. The plains always calmed me with their stark beauty. It seemed a miracle to look what looked no longer than a football field and then realize what I thought was a football field was, in reality, a parcel of land more than 20 miles long. I leaned my head against the window, staring out at the bleak landscape.

"Sangio, it's so lonely out here, don't you think?"

Sangio nodded.

"Even the horses look lonely," I continued.

Sangio looked at me, a confused expression on his face.

"Where do you see horses, Don?"

I pointed. "There's one, and there's another one. They stay so far apart that it can't be healthy for them. I thought horses were a social animal. And where are their people? It doesn't seem right to abandon the creatures here."

"Don, you don't need to worry about these horses. They prefer to be on their own. They're machines. They drill for oil." Sangio's explanation sounded very sad.

"So, let me get this straight. I've dreamed about these horses my entire life. I think it's been my entire life. Every horse I've ever thought of looks like these solitary, lonely machines. And you say these aren't actual horses?" I was dumbfounded on the one hand, but on the other, it was a relief to know the social animals known as horses weren't being punished and forced to live at such distances from each other. "Sangio, I resolve right here and now that we must find real horses. I cannot rest until I've seen them. And we have to get the birthday present for Sienna."

"Gawd. Dull Sienna. Fine."

"Sangio Pasta, I don't know what Sienna ever did to you, but you might consider cutting her a break. She's a very good listener. She will be tickled to learn about the horses."

"Don. You're going to love the horses I show you. My friend gives riding lessons, and she owns her own stable."

"You don't say! Would you be willing to take my photo with a horse? Do you think she would let me ride a horse?" The day started off somewhat suspect with the alien cocoon, but it was now going in the best direction. I learned something new, would see something new, and would be purchasing a gift for Sienna. The thing with Sienna was that she lived over an hour away, and I wasn't sure if she would actually like the gift I had planned or if it would even remain intact during the drive to her house.

Sangio's car made its way down the highway, and then we turned onto a dusty, gravel road. The sky was that hopeful blue that pops at the beginning of spring, and the clouds seemed to be making hand gestures of welcome, and perhaps they were publishing a message just for me. I often dreamed that clouds would communicate with me to warn me of danger, and I had been studying cloud communication and documenting the messages in my cloud journal. I quickly removed it from my jacket pocket to record my thoughts about what the clouds were telling me now. However, I wasn't exactly sure what the clouds were saying today and decided I would try to draw one of the larger clouds in my journal.

And then we arrived. Sangio's friend led us to the barn, and there I saw the horses. They were magnificent and far superior to the other metal beasts, and I wept. I fell to my knees and wept.

"Roxy, this is Don. He feels very big feelings, and until today, he had never seen a real horse in real life. I think having his perceptions corrected is overwhelming for him and largely positive," I heard Sangio say.

I returned to my feet, wiped my face with the lace handkerchief Sienna had given me, deposited it back into my pocket, and bowed to Roxy. "My fair Roxy, it is an honor to meet you. I am Don Quick Oats," and I took her hand in my own and placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles. Perhaps the kiss was too much. Maybe it was the bow, but she backed away, raising her eyebrows and giving a pointed look to Sangio.

"Thank you, Roxy. I just wanted Don to see your horses, and I think the experience has exceeded every expectation he may have ever had."

"Is he all right?" she asked. "We have a therapist who comes here to do horse therapy with her patients. Would you like me to give her Don's name? She and the horses might be able to help your friend."

I took it upon myself to interrupt them. "I would be delighted to try horse therapy. To have another interaction with these creatures will be something I dream of every night until I can see them again. And who knows, maybe I'll be so good with the horses that I won't need to beg rides from Sangio." I looked at Sangio, and he gave me a non-committal shoulder shrug.

"And now, we must complete our quest. We must procure the gift for Sienna," I announced.

"Dull Sienna," Sangio muttered. "Where are we going?"

"A gift fit for a queen needs to come from Dairy Queen. I thought we could take it to her. I want to get her a Blizzard."

"So that's why you brought the cooler today," Sangio said.

"You know what I always say: If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I would hate to fail on Sienna's birthday."

We found Dairy Queen with the computer in Sangio's car. His car had a lot of magic gadgets in it, and Sangio did not like it when I touched anything besides the seat warmer and thermostat that controlled my side of the car. But the car was so compelling! I had to sit on my hands.

I ordered the Blizzard, and the cashier did the strangest thing. She turned the cup upside down to prove how thick the Blizzard was. It was so much more than a milkshake. I would have to show this to Sienna.

Reverently, I placed the Blizzard in the cooler. "Don, did you remember to bring an ice pack or something to keep the inside of the cooler cold?"

"What are you talking about? The cooler, by its very name, keeps things cool. If additional props are needed to assist, the cooler should be called something else."

Sangio nodded his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Have it your way," he said. We drove a little over an hour to Sienna's house. After knocking on her door for what seemed like a long time, she opened the door, wiping sleep from her eyes.

"Have you been sleeping?" I asked. She nodded. "I brought you a birthday gift." Her eyes lit up before becoming circumspect when I produced the cooler. "I brought you a gift fit for a queen." I opened the lid of the cooler, drawing out the cup with the Blizzard. Sienna's eyes widened. I bowed low, and then when I came back up, still holding the Dairy Queen Blizzard, I turned it upside down, just like the fine young lady had demonstrated previously.

I am a firm believer in giving credit where credit is due, and Sangio was right. I was wrong. The cooler needed ice or an ice pack. The cooler should have really been called the 'almost cooler,' or the 'just add ice first then cool,' or something that wouldn't make someone think that the contraption alone did all the legwork.

The next 5 seconds were a very painful 5 seconds. I inverted the Blizzard, which had become soup surrounding a very anemic-looking scoop of ice cream. It all poured forth, kind of artistic, really, and landed making two different sounds: the splash of the soup, and the dull thud of the ice cream. All the ice cream sounds were followed by a small intake of breath. Ah, my Sienna. Was it a sound of appreciation?

I could hear Sangio behind me, and he was inching away from the mess I had created. When I took in the whole scene, I knew I had well and truly cocked things up. Sienna's feet and legs were covered in the Blizzard. When I looked into her eyes, I only saw ire. She stepped back inside her house, slamming the door in my face. I turned and walked back to where Sangio was leaning against his car, laughing. Between hiccupping laughter, he spat out, "That goddamned Dull Sienna."