Cut Loose

Cut Loose

As a child born out of wedlock and poverty, I have to live with another family. A family not by blood. It's the family that dress me, feed me, send me to school, use me and abuse me. A family I love but wanna loose with.

"Angel, where the hell have you been? You're always out flirting other guys." "Angel get me the sewing kit at the back." "Angel buy me a beer outside now." Just got back from the school where they SEND ME and all I recieve at home was nagging. I have no choice but to follow all their demands and ignore all the painful words they spit in my face. They are, after all, the one that is feeding me. But don't you think it's quite fair by myside? I am adopted but am I not deserving for love?

In the middles of doing my homework my sister came in and put a pile of notebooks in my desk. She looked at me like I am some slrt of shit she always wanna wipe away of her face. "Do my homeworks, Angel. My teacher needs it neat and tomorrow morning." After saying those words in a bossy manner, she just went out of the room and even slammed my door. I looked at the pile of notebooks of my sister and another bunch of paper on the other side. I sighed in procrastination. Just as I was about to start writing, my uncle slammed the door and marched at me angrily. He slapped me showed me his favorite white shirt, I held my cheek in shock and stare blankly at the shirt. "Look at what you did, you shit. Instead of waching my shirt, you stained it! What will you do with this?" He pointed fingers at me but I didn't dare reply. I just look elsewhere, trying to hold my tears. He left and there I broke down. Just what did I do in my past life to recieve this kind of treatment now. I derserve love and care but I recieved insults and abuse. 

"Ohh angel you smell so good uhmm~." I woke up from my sleep because of my Uncle Earnie licking my legs. "U-uncle, what are you doing?" I tried to move away from him but he pully legs closer and hugs it. I tried and tried and tried to escape from his grasp but the most hated nightmare in my whole life still happened. I was forced. I was used. I was raped. That moment of my life, I just wanted to die. I wanna scream out of agony. I wanna ruin things out of rage but I cant. I wanna tell them how they rubbish me but who will believe me? I am an outsider inside this family. I walk inside the bathroom to cleanse myself but no matter how much body soap i use, i still feel dirty. I am a woman with nothing. No family, No friends, No purity, just plain Blacksheep inside the family.

Going to school everyday, feeling sore and tired both physically and spiritually affects my classes to the point that I am already failing but I can't let that happen but I was too late to realize. The results came out and It was an F. Worried, I walk home. Scared, but still I manage to built up my confidence to show Mom my grades. Mad, she slapped me hard, I can no longer feel my cheek. Tears run down my cheeks as I listen to her nagging and obviously, painful words I always fail to get used to. "You're such a failure! Why did I even chose to adopt you! If I only knew that I wasn't really infertile, I should've adopted you. You are a dissapointment in this family. You only know how to flirt!!"

"Your brother just raped me!! I am not flirting, Mom! I am in pain! " I failed to resist the urge of talking back and there I felt a hand pulling my hair and recieved a slap.

"How dare you lie and scream at the person who feeds you?! You insulent child!! Get out of our h--"

"YES!! I will get out of this house!! I will leave!! You don't even to say that." I cut him off and run to my room to pack my things. I walked out of the door of the house as soon as I'm done. I looked at my mom and her brother hoping that she'll stop but she turned her back and went to the kitchen. I turned my back again and started walking. I even heard that bastard scream "Go away!! If you wanna leave, why didn't leave before, flirt!"

Tears kept running down my cheeks and I didn't bother wiping it off. I don't know where to go. I don't know where to start. I went to my counsin's home. She's with her mother and her brother and I am always welcome to their home. She was my only real relative that I know who accepted me for who I and what I am. They welcomed me and accomodated me warmly. They prepared me food and we eat together. They didn't blther asking what happened for they know my situation. I smiled seeing them happy. I wish I have this kind of bond with my mom too. Even if I'm not her biological daughter and she's not my biological mom I look at her as my real mom. I always look up at her.

I completely cut ties with the family who adopted me and started leaving my life. I looked for a job at a young age and thankfully I found one. I transferred in a public school as I can't manage the tuition in private school. I am still living with my cousin but I chose to work to be independent. I never felt so free in my whole life now.

If having family means being abused then I'd rather not have any family at all. Having the courage to cut people who cause you suffering off your life is the most bravest thing a person could do. By then you will only realise the true meaning of freedom and happiness.