For you

I'd do anything for you.

 I'd do anything to see your smile. Your smile is the kind that lights up a room, and makes everyone else smile. Your smile has a speacial power. It can turn the worst, most awful, dark, and painful day into something barable. It is the shining beaking at the end of a rough day. It is the light that guides me through the hard times. 

I'd do anything to hear your laugh. It is loud and cheerful, and can make me feel like the funniest person in the world. Your laugh is pure joy. It is everything I want in life, and i love to laugh with you. 

I'd do anything to hold your hand. They create amazing things in a craftful art. They carefully caress me and hold me when I feel like I am falling apart. They are there to give me a fond touch to show your love. They are there to poke me when you are trying to tease me. They are my favorite hands to hold. 

I'd so anything to just hug you and talk to you. Because just being around you is the best part of my life. I didn't realize I was lost until I found you. You have saved me, and made me so happy. I will love you forever. 

So when you asked me to marry you I had to say yes. Because all my life I wanted this, and I want this with you. A future with you. A family. 

My mother tells me to stop. When she sees me trying on my wedding dress I bought months ago. But I don't listen, because I look like a beautiful ice queen in my layers of lace and my viel. I tell her I bought this dress to show you, and that I feel happy when I were it. 

My older sister tells me not to order the wedding cake. But I remember the hours and calories we put into tasting all these cakes. And we both knew this coconut cream cake was the one. So I tell her that she can have a slice when I'm done sharing my piece with you. 

My brother begs me to cancel the catering. But he doesn't understand how good that food will be. I tell him that I know a taco bar isn't typical for a wedding, but it is what you and I wanted. And it is from the restaurant of our very first date. Remember when you bet me I couldn't out run you to the other side of the restaurant parking lot? Remember how you claim I only won because I fell, and you stopped to check on me, but I got right up and kept going? That was the first time I heard your laugh. 

My dad ask me not to do any of it, because he cares too much for me. And he doesn't want to see me hurt.

All my friends tell me not to go through with the wedding. But they don't get it. They don't understand I am doing this for you and me. They don't know how stubborn I really am. I waited for our wedding day for six months. It has been six months since you went down on that knee. I am going to our wedding. 

But they keep telling I need to stop. That this isn't right. This isn't healthy. That this isn't what you would want. They say it is wrong. 

But they don't know what I need. They don't know you like I do. You would want me to go through with this. 

So I walk down that empty isle, with the empty pews. The pews that have white flowers and ribbons. I walk down in my dress, with my long train. I walk with purpose and my head held high. No one is with me as i walk down to you. No music. No smiles. Just me and you. 

I hold back my tears as I think about our cake I will eat alone, and our taco bar. Because all that matters is getting to the end of that isle. Making it to you. Reading my vows out loud to you. I know i will cry when i read them to you. It will tear my heart open. 

When I get to the end of the isle I smile at you. You look handsome in your suit. You are wearing a green bow tie, and your eyes are so bright I can see our future in them. I read my views to you, and as I do I feel myself fall to my knees. 

I am a small figure hunched over crying with my hands over my face, with a white dress surrounding me like snow. I am over taken with grief. And I want so badly for you to get down next to me and hold me like you always do. But you don't.

Because the truth is you are gone. I can only imagine what you would have looked like in your suit. I can only imagine what our wedding day was going to be like. I can only picture what you would think of my dress. Only imagine smashing cake in your face. Only make up our first meal as husband and wife. Because the truth is you aren't here to hear your vows. Ever since that car crash a month ago I last you. I lost our wedding. I lost us. 

I thought doing this wedding would make me feel better. But just as my family warned it made me feel worse. 

As my body shakes violently I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up shocked to find my dad in a suit. He smiles at me sadly. "I'm sorry I missed walking my baby down the isle. But I'm glad I am here now. It's going to be ok. I got you." 

And I fell into his arms sobbing. His arms my not be yours, but they feel like home.