The empire was falling and it looked like nothing could stop the collapse. Our empire was being torn apart by the resistance. I Bolsa Alvon was ordered to stop the resistance. It was my duty to assassinate their leader; He went by the name ‘Untouchable’, a fitting name since their leader had avoided the grasp of the entire empire many times. A person with great intellect. He was always one step ahead of the empire, yet not a single person could get close to him. The empire needed someone who could get close to him and gain his trust.
That was my mission, it was to infiltrate, so I worked as one of their soldiers. I took notes of everything and reported it all back to the empire. The empire was greatly appreciative of my work. I spent months with the enemy. I eat with them, slept with them. I even shared jokes with them, stories, altered stories. Lies I guess you would call them. Even though they fought against me and the empire. I saw them as brothers in arms, even though they could never know the truth.
I eventually grew to become one of six generals. Even though I grew in rank; the others never fully trusted me, it was like I was still an outsider. They would test my allegiance, hoping I would show my true colors. That went on until I saw their leader for the first time. He wore a mask, one of silver, not a shiny silver, but one that was dull like it had not been cleaned in a while. He also wore a silver uniform to match.
“Bolsa Alvon!” Their leader spoke my name with conviction. I stood up as I felt a tremble in my body. I knew every day that passed, behind enemy lines was just another day I could get caught and executed. I just hoped that day had not come.
“Yes, leader sir!” I said, while exacerbating my voice, almost fracturing my throat. I stood straight with my back tightened. I felt sweat, but not enough to be noticeable, at least I hoped. Even Though I could not see the eyes of their leader. I knew he was staring at me; like a lion that looks at his meal. He motioned for me to be at ease.
“Follow me, we need to speak alone.” he sounded anguished. I on the other hand was surprised, yet I felt relieved. Their leader wanted to talk to me alone. It was my chance and I knew it. The end of the resistance was nigh and I felt it in my gut. I nodded my head as I took my gun, hiding it under my jacket.
Untouchable led me through a secret passageway I had never seen before, one for escape I assumed. It looked like an old sewer system, one that led to a room. A room that had a door with a key insert. A key he had. He left the door open as he walked through. I looked in before entering. I saw no one other than Untouchable. I made sure to grip the handle from my gun, while I walked in.
The room was small, with one bed in the right corner of the room. The bed was made net as if it had just been made. The linen was white, no spots to be found, at least not yet. A chair laid next to the bed. I took a seat, while Untouchable stood in front of a mirror. He was thinking about something; I could tell. I wondered why I hesitated to shoot him right there and then, yet I waited, while I glanced at the door. No one was coming at least I hoped.
While I looked back. I saw Untouchable taking his mask off. I put my hand in my jacket, while I gripped the gun. He slowly took the mask off. As it came off. Long brown hair swung in front of my eyes. Untouchable was not a man. He was a woman. I loosened my grip as she turned herself my way, while she clearing her voice. “We have urgent business to attend to.” As she said this all I could do was stare. I stared at her lime green eyes, as they were more accentuated than her pale skin, and the red lipstick that matched her blushed cheeks.
“Yes we do, but…Um...you're a woman, are you not?” She looked at me brazenly. Then she tilted her head sideways, then she chuckled a little bit, almost scoffingly. I on the other hand was in disbelief, to believe she was the one challenging the empire. She was the one I was tasked to kill.
“Sorry forgive me. I forgot you were not informed of my identity. This is the first time we have met. I have so much on my mind. Little things like this slip my mind. I hope it’s not a problem. I could always find a new general. I have plenty.” I almost chuckled. She may have been a woman, but she was intimidating, with her sly remarks. She almost made me forget who had the upper hand.
“No ma’am. I just find it to be interesting. I’ve never seen a female leader before, but as you say we have bigger things to worry about.” She relaxed her facial expression as she gave a small grin.
“You are right. We have a lot of things to talk about regarding the resistance. The one we initiated. We have some good news.” She said as she removed her gloves. She pulled a map out. “This is the emperor’s courtyard and underneath the courtyard is the sewer system.” As she said that she pointed up. “Right above us is the courtyard. All we have to do is open that hatch and find the emperor. After that, the resistance is over and our rebellion is won.”
I laid back in my seat. I was in utter shock. I never knew they were that close to the end of the empire. My thoughts were muddy, thinking about how she could achieve so much. I didn’t know what to think. I knew one thing. I had a mission and I needed to fulfill it. “That’s great when do we do it? I will have the others prepared to storm when you give the order.” She smiled.
“No that won’t be necessary, plus we don’t have time. The other generals were captured, so we have to act now, swiftly. execute the emperor. I already have our attire ready. We just have to sneak in and kill him.” She went over to her mirror, while she picked some clothing, underneath the table holding the mirror. She turned as I held a pistol right in front of her. She dropped the clothing.
“I can’t let you do that.” She looked at me with eyes of contempt, she probably thought of me playing a cruel joke on her. She was in disbelief. I could tell. She backed up to the wall, with nowhere to go. The thing was that I didn't feel right about pulling the trigger and killing her. I knew it would make my brothers in arm weep, like children crying for a loved one. I even respected my ‘leader’. I respected her. I respected her intellect. I thought it a shame that it would not be used to it’s fullest. I knew she could have done well in hands of the empire; I thought to myself.
“You were the traitor. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I could trust you. I have to say The empire choose a good assassin to come and execute me. I just never thought it would be one of my own men.” she scoffed, while she slid to the ground, landing on her bottom. She began scoffing almost uncontrollably, almost like a mad man laughing at his own madness. I don’t know why but I hesitated to shoot. I had my finger laid on the trigger. I could have killed her right there, but I didn’t. I think I felt bad for her. “Just pull the trigger already!” She said as a single tear ran across her face. I did as she said. I pulled the trigger. I was right a bed would be stained, just not hers.
The end of the empire came to a dazzling end with blood. The blood of royalty. I failed my mission but I came out a better man. A man that did the right thing. I even fell in love. A love built on trust, real trust, not lies. I even eventually found out the true name of Untouchable, her name was Kaitlin Reve. A name she changed to Kaitlin Alvon and that marked the end of our story of the collapse of the empire and started a new story, one that was still being written.
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Hey, I got this story from the Critique Circle, and I must say, it's very good. I did spot a few errors though, so I'll try and point them out. The first line can probably be separated into a paragraph. The shock value is more that way. Maybe you should write 'I, Bolsa Alvon, was ordered...' instead of 'I Bolsa Alvon was ordered...' A couple of other places where you have missed commas. Again, the last paragraph can be cut into two or three, instead of just one. Otherwise, I loved the plot. The style of writing is also very go...
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