LOVE YOU MORE

LOVE YOU MORE

By Mar Camen

On the first school day of September, in the year 1994, a short woman walks into a Canadian College. She has long dark hair and although her expression shows eagerness to learn, her wrinkles could not let her lie about her age. She is in her early forties. She is an immigrant to Canada. She left her country due to the increase violence that reigns in Mexico. Her name suits her physical appearance, Maria Lopez.

She walks to her classroom. The path is wet, the grass is wet from last night rain, but it is a sunny day and that helps Maria to revive her bravery.

Nobody knows but she is terrified about English being her second language. She keeps thinking “What am I going to do if I don’t understand when they speak to me?”.

Maria is married to another immigrant who always encouraged her to attend college. Maria believes her husband’s words:

 “the last thing everyone is going to think is that you don’t speak English, and don’t worry, you do speak English”.

Finally, Maria arrives at her classroom while one thought was in her mind “I will not speak unless I have to”.

The first day went by, and the first week and the first month. It was not that bad for Maria, although very soon she will find jealousy among her classmates. After a teacher graded a test and handed it back to the students, Irma, a classmate asked Maria what grade she got.

“Oh” said Maria, “I got 87/100, “ “and you Irma?” to which Irma replied, “I don’t discuss personal matters with anyone”.

Likely, Irma got a lower grade than me, Maria thought.

Maria’s humble disposition very soon taught her a lesson: stinkers come in all colour, age, and sizes.

It was not only her accent, but her physical appearance and her age that made it hard for Maria to attend College.

But Maria was, after all, not a person who mopes forever. Eric, her husband kept saying:

“You don’t go to college to make friends, but to learn and graduate”.

There were pleasant times, misunderstandings, hard homework, many hours studying and many chores hours that Eric put into their home and their three children, so Maria could graduate from College.

Sometimes she wondered if she was going to graduate, but her tenacity and her husband’s support encouraged her to finish College. After all Maria wanted to be an example for her children.

There were also depressive days when Maria learned that Oscar, a classmate, had died in a summer vacation. Having too much fun, Oscar got drunk and drawn in the lake.

When Maria learned about what happened to Oscar, she wrote his family a condolence note and sent some flowers to his parents. His parents wrote her back saying that she had been the only classmate who had sent her sympathy. Maria barely knew Oscar, but she had also lost a dear one, her father, and she knows how hard this grievance process is.

Graduation day came and Maria was in the washroom looking at herself in the mirror, looking at the white hair that started to appear a year ago. She was looking at herself in the mirror when she remembered being a young teenager standing in front of a mirror in a washroom with another unknown woman in her fifties.

This woman told young Maria:

“Do not get old, it is horrible”.

Now, it was herself, Maria the one who was looking at herself in the mirror remembering those words said to her also in a ladies’ washroom many years ago, but instead of thinking that getting old was horrible, she taught of aging as a gift, as she was thinking of Oscar.

Graduation day was a happy day for Maria. At College there were speeches, congratulations, hugs, and many smiles. After this day of celebration Maria went home. She was excited and tired and when she arrived home, there it was a colorful envelope in the mail addressed to her.

“Oh, I wonder what that could be?” Maria asked herself.

When she turned over the envelope to see the sender it was a surprise for her. It was from Rosa Zamora.

“Oh, it is from Rosita”, Maria said. Rosita as she was known in high school her dearest friend.

Maria opened the envelope with eager and curiosity wondering what that was about. Maria was thinking it was not her birthday, that it was not Christmas time for her to receive a card either.

“Maybe it is a congratulations card for my College graduation.”, she said.

When finally, she could open the envelope, the whole house could hear her yelling.

“It is an invitation to a high school reunion.” Maria said excited.

And that was the moment when many memories came to Maria’s mind. She was excited about the possibility of going back to Mexico and see her family, to eat her favourite Mexican food, and mostly to feel like a friend among friends, friends who knew each other since they were kindergarten classmates. Classmates who were equal.

She attended a high school where she did not have an accent or was physical different than the rest of her classmates.

Maria was animated about the idea of going to Mexico, not just to visit her family as she had done it in previous occasions, but also to meet with her old friends from high school whom she has not seen since their high school graduation.

But suddenly other thought crossed Maria’s mind.

“I am too fat”. “I look so old; I have many wrinkles”. “I will not go.” Maria said.

Eric who was just standing next to her watching his wife said:

“Look, all of your friends are the same age, all of them very likely will have wrinkles and many of them may have had gain weight too”.

After a short silence Eric added:

“So what? It is not a beauty contest. And remember, for me, you, my wife, my Maria, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. If you want to go, go! I will keep the fortress while you are away. Think of this trip as a graduation gift”.

“Let us go to bed. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow”. Added Eric.

The following dates were a continuous debate for Maria. An intensive battle was taking place in her heart and in her mind. You know like those love stories where the heart wants to take you in a different direction than your brain.

Maria wanted to go and meet her friends. She kept remembering the parties and those so many evenings at Rosita’s house sitting at the swing talking for hours about everything and everyone, but mostly about boys.

Oh, that was fun! She kept saying.

And after spending hours talking, it was TV time. Maria and Rosita used to watch many programs. Their favourites were “I dream of Jeannie”, “Bewitched”, “My favorite Martian”, “Mr. Ed”, and of course “Lost in Space”. When Lost in Space ended it meant time to go home, it was late and maybe time to start homework.

Oh yeah, Maria may have not been a very responsible student, but certainly had lots of good times in high school. And all those happy memories were in her heart, while her mind kept telling her how fat, old and ugly she was.

And days passed, she did not have an answer. Her ambivalent character is and had been the end of every new step she had tried to take in her life.

But Eric loved her as she is. And as many other times, he decided for her and bought her a ticket to Mexico.

“No more ambivalence in this house” Eric said. “I bought you an airplane ticket and called your sister, you are staying with her. Go to your high school reunion! Have fun! And come back ready to look for a job, after all that is why you went to College.”

“When you went to College you complained about your accent while speaking English, and about how people thought you were not very smart just because you are not white. Now, you are complaining about how fat and ugly you are.”

Eric added:

“I am fat, and you loved me. I am ugly, and you love me. High school reunions are not only for fit and young people, but for everyone to enjoy their company, to revive their good memories.”

“Never miss an opportunity because of your physical appearance. You are a wonderful woman, a loyal and beautiful wife whose sole presence makes this house a real home.”

Then Eric called their three children and asked them:

“Kids please tell mom what you like about her?”

“I like how she cooks; I think it’s delicious everything she makes”. Said Jo, the oldest.

“I love you mommy and your bedtime stories about all those farm animals are incredibly entertaining”. Said Paul.

“I like that you are my mummy and I wouldn’t like to have any other mummy”, said Marcia, the little one.

“Ok kids, Mommy is going to Mexico to visit grandma and aunt Lulu. Mom will go to a party with her high school friends. And although we are going to miss her, we would help with the house chores and wish mom a great trip. Who is with me?”.

Me, me, me, said the three children in unison.

Maria wept of happiness while was hugging her family.

“Family hug”, she said.

That night before kissing good night to her husband, Maria thought how thankful she was for having such a wonderful family.

“Eric do you remember that guy form the TV show who speaks about family? The TV show I enjoy watching ever week?

“Yes”

“I remember than on one occasion he mentioned that someone had wrote him asking him why he was so fat. And you know what I did in that moment?

“No. What did you do?”

“I looked at the man in the TV who I have seen many other times before, and just then, only then, I realized he was fat. I have seen the same man many times, enjoying his advice about family life, listening to his funny stories and I did not notice that he was fat. I guess that tells me that what we say, that what we do to others, it is what leaves a spot in people’s heart or a strike in their minds, more than our physical appearance.”

“You always have a warm welcome and a beautiful smile”

“Good night”

“Sweet dreams”

“You are the greatest”

“I know”

“I love you”

“I love you more”.