Love From a Distance

​I can’t help but feeling giddy when I look into his eyes each morning. Benjamin is quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I wake up and before I go to bed, he reminds me that I am so beautiful and so worthy of love. There is no single quality about him that a girl wouldn’t love. I can’t deny that he is an absolute dream.

​I have so many dreams for Benjamin and myself. Dreams of us driving with the windows down with the tall trees looming over us. We turn the radio up as loud as it can go and use our absolute worst singing voices to scream our favorite song at the top of our lungs. When we get to our destination, we grab the picnic basket from the backseat, and find the best place to watch the sunset. Then I just stare into his lovely eyes and wonder how I got lucky enough to find a man like him. A man who makes me feel more beautiful than any other man I’ve met. But I suppose it’s not hard for a girl like me to fall prey to the words of any man who comes my way. My father was never around to teach my that I am wonderful and worthy of a good man’s love, so I tried my best to learn it on my own. The outcome is not the same as someone else showing me how to be loved, but it will have to do, as it is all I have.

​Perhaps one day, Ben and I will get married and he will help me to see that I am deserving of his love. Then Ben and I can have gorgeous children together than will remind us what it’s like to see through the eyes of a child. And in this perfect world, we will run through the grass barefoot just to feel like we’re living with no rules and no expectations. Nothing else will matter to us. It will be as though the rest of the world doesn’t even exist. In our world, we would forget about the wars and the hate and the death and we’ll just live in peace while we lay in the yard underneath our lemon tree. Sometimes I can imagine the future so strongly that I can feel the bumpy skin of the lemons from our tree in my hands and smell them as I pull another down to put in my wicker basket for the lemonade stand Benjamin will build for the kids. The kids will giggle just like the children in movies. They will only make $4.25 from their homemade lemonade but that won’t matter to any of us because we choose to value the experience over the profit. 

​Until the day comes where Benny decides to get down on one knee and propose to me, we will just keep living our lives with no giggling kids and no lemonade stand and no car rides with the wind in our faces as our song rings through our ears for the millionth time. But that’s okay because I love our life the way it is. I love him and I wouldn’t trade that love for anything. 

The only thing that’s missing is for Benjamin to love me back. And for that to happen, of course we would actually have to meet in person. I know that someday it will happen, but in the meantime, I will watch his videos online and maintain a strong presence on his social media so he doesn’t forget that I’m here waiting for him. I’ve even planned out the way we will meet down to the last detail. It’ll all happen by chance in a small coffee shop downtown in the city he lives in. And of course, I know which town he lives in because he wore his high school football t-shirt in a video he posted a couple of years ago and I searched it on the internet. I’m sure if I drive around his town long enough I’ll be able to recognize the front of his house because sometimes he puts that in his videos too. Anyways, at the coffee shop when we meet, I’ll be drinking my chai in a cute, orange ceramic mug when I look up and see him sitting at a table across the room with a book open in front of him. His blonde hair is messy because he ran out of the house quickly this morning to get here. He’s almost done with his drink so I decide this is my time to make a move. I’m casual and I ask him what he’s reading and we make conversation about the book. Then he tells me to sit and we only talk for a few minutes before I tell him I have to go but before I leave, he asks for my number and naturally, I give it to him because I’m not stupid. I haven’t planned out all the details that come in between that day and when we get married, but I know if I am persistent, it will happen soon enough. 

I am almost sure that he is already in love with me because one time he made a post saying, “to whoever needs to hear this, you are beautiful. Don’t forget that.” This was obviously directed to me. There was even a time when I commented on one of his videos telling him I loved him and he replied with a heart. It was a red heart at that. There’s no denying that we have feelings for each other. 

In fact, I have booked a hotel for myself in his town and I plan to wait at every coffee shop until I find him. I’ll be there in a couple of days but I’m going to keep it a surprise. I have no plans to return home until I do. While I wait, I will keep watching his videos every morning and every night to hear him tell me I am beautiful. Benjamin if you’re reading this, I love you and I can’t wait until we get to tell the world that we’re in love. See you soon, Benny. I will always love you.