A Big Night

[CW - mild language]

Hey Soph, do you have any paracetamol?

There’s some in my bedside drawer, help yourself.

Thank you so much, my head is pounding.

You had a good night then?

Oh my god. So much drama, too much tequila, I need to tell you everything. Can I sit here?

Sure, just move the books off the pillow.

Urgh they’re so heavy, did you carry them all the way back from the library?

Yeah, I thought my fingers were going to drop off.

“Dynamics of Plate Tectonics and Mantle Convection”, what even is mantle convection?

It’s when-

Nope, I changed my mind, don’t tell me. Are you doing coursework? Is that why you didn’t come out with us last night?

It’s a big percentage of our overall mark this year, I wanted to get a head start.

Sophie, we’ve been back at uni for barely a month. You should be out drinking on a Friday night, not in your room doing coursework – that’s what the last week of the semester is for!

Some of us don’t want to pull all-nighters to meet deadlines.

Hey, my all-nighters got me a 2:1 last year, AND I had a social life. I think that’s a win. Anyway, thanks for letting me borrow your dress last night.

No worries, you looked gorgeous in it.

Thanks babes. I’ve just put it in the washing machine, hopefully the vomit washes off okay.

Milly!

There’s only a little bit on it, I had to hold back Hannah’s hair in the bathroom.

Eurgh, why is that girl sick every time she drinks? I don’t think I want the dress back anymore.

If it stains, I’ll buy you a new one, promise.

Thanks. I saw all the messages in the group chat this morning, so I assume something big happened.

You absolutely assume correct. Come sit next to me, I’ll move the b- Oh crap, how strict is the library about book damage?

It’s fine, just give them to me.

Comfy? There’s a lot to get through. So, we went to pre-drinks at Lottie’s house-

I thought you didn’t like Lottie.

I don’t but she invited all of us through Hannah and I wasn’t going to be the only one who didn’t go. No offence.

None taken.

So, there was us five, Lottie, her housemates and a few of their friends. We were playing drinking games, Luke won beer pong, obviously, and then we started playing spin the bottle. It was harmless, everyone was having fun. Then when it was Callum’s turn it landed on Lottie and they went for it. Tongues and everything!

In front of everyone?

No shame whatsoever, the rest of us were just sitting there awkwardly, waiting for them to finish.

Doesn’t she have a boyfriend back home?

Yep, what a slag.

I assume Callum was not aware of the boyfriend.

Even if he was, he wouldn’t care, you know what he’s like. I love him but he’s a man-whore. Lottie’s housemates didn’t even seem surprised, I bet she does it all the time.

So Lottie’s just snogging random boys at uni and her boyfriend doesn’t know?

Her boyfriend… didn’t know…

What did you do?

I may have taken a photo of Lottie and Callum kissing. I may also have found her boyfriend on Instagram and sent it to him.

No way! What did he say?

Not much, just thanks for letting him know.

Really?

Well, if I had a long-distance boyfriend, I’d want to know if he was cheating on me.

I guess so. Did he break up with Lottie?

I only sent him the picture this morning. What I would give to be a fly on the wall in Lottie’s house right now.

What was it she did to you again?

Oh, it was in first year, it’s a long story. Anyway, after the awkward spin the bottle we walked into town and Slinky was already plastered by this point.

Of course she was.

She was trying to pick up every traffic cone she found and stack them on top of each other and put them on her head. We told her to put the cones back and she got upset with us and ran off.

Classic Slinky.

We all decided to go to that pub that does vodka slushies.

I love that place!

Same! But then the boys started being weird about it and went off somewhere else.

Why?

I don’t know. Luke said something about a sports bar, I think. Speak of the devil, Luke, come here!

Alright girls, what’s going on?

I’m filling Sophie in on the drama.

You missed a big night.

Apparently so. Don’t sit on my bed, you’re all muddy!

It’s not that bad!

Go sit in the doorway Luke, we don’t want your mud in here. And don’t roll your eyes at me either!

Sorry mum.

I don’t understand how you can go out drinking all night and still play rugby the next morning.

Me neither. I’d be vomiting on the pitch.

It’s called being able to handle your alcohol.

I can handle my alcohol!

Who was the person that had to be duct taped to the floor in the recovery position because they got so drunk in first year?

We don’t talk about that. Why didn’t you come with us to the first pub last night?

Because guys don’t drink slushies.

Why not?

Because, it’s a bit… You know?

Oh my god, for a guy that wrestles with other men in short shorts for fun you can be really homophobic.

I didn’t say it was gay!

You didn’t have to.

And I’m not homophobic!

Mm. Oh! I nearly forgot to mention, guess who else didn’t want a slushy?

I’m going to say, Lottie?

“I don’t faaancy a slushy now, I think I’ll go with the boooys.”

That is quite a good impression.

So, she ditches us and prances off with them, what a twat. Probably just wanted to stick her tongue down Callum’s throat again.

Well, that didn’t work out for her.

What do you mean?

Callum started flirting with this girl in McKays, the sports bar we went to. Lottie got jealous and started throwing her hair about and giving him the eyes.

Ew.

When the other girl went to the toilet Lottie went over to talk to him. I didn’t hear what they said but she leaned in to kiss him and he didn’t kiss her back.

No!

How embarrassing!

I think I would have died.

He just stood there and didn’t bend his head down so she couldn’t reach him. Properly mugged her off.

I cannot believe I missed this!

She was pretty pissed off about it. Then she tried to pretend like nothing happened and started going on about how amazing her boyfriend is and how much he loves her.

It’s loved. Past tense now, Luke.

I’m not even going to ask. You scare me sometimes.

Is that why Callum didn’t come back last night, did he go home with that girl?

Did he not come back last night?

How do you not know where your best friend is? I don’t understand how unconcerned boys are for each other’s safety on nights out.

I was out with the rugby lads last year and they left me passed out on a bench in a park. I was fine.

That’s so dangerous! Girls would never do that to each other.

You never know where Slinky is half the time on a night out!

That’s different, she runs away from us. Plus, she replies to our messages and she comes back before the end of the night. We don’t abandon her.

You nicknamed her Slinky because she fell down the stairs in Fresher’s week.

But that was funny! Now stop it, you’re interrupting my story. After the slushies, Hannah had the great idea to go to Finders Keepers, the tequila bar.

Doesn’t she hate tequila though?

She was too drunk to remember that at this point. Because I’m a nice person, I bought everyone a round of shots. But because I’m also a bitch I got everyone a round of surprise shots.

No!

Yep. We all did them at the same time, I got blackcurrant, lucky me! Hannah got the chilli one which made her cough so much I thought she was going to pass out. We were dancing having a good time, enjoying the fact Lottie wasn’t there, and then Hannah started crying because Mr Brightside came on.

Mr Brightside?

It was her and Ed’s song. She hasn’t been able to listen to it since they broke up and she was screaming the lyrics with tears rolling down her face. It was sort of hilarious.

Her and Ed broke up?

Yes, weeks ago, Luke. How are you this clueless?

Didn’t you notice Ed’s not been coming here anymore?

Not really, no.

Men! So, I bought us more shots to make Hannah feel better, we had a heart to heart in the bathroom and then she was sick. Surprisingly, after that she seemed fine.

I respect the way she’s sick on every night out and carries on. If I vomit, I’m done.

Me too.

I think that’s when you met up with us again, right?

Yeah, Lottie was being a mood killer so we came and found you guys to get rid of her.

Thanks for that. We all stayed for a little bit longer and then we went to Vortex.

Vortex? That place has the worst music.

Yeah, I don’t like it either but everyone else really wanted to go. We were all getting drinks when Slinky finally shows up and tells us she had six Jägerbombs at 22 Blue.

Six?! Jesus, for someone that does placements at a hospital she seems determined to end up in A&E.

And she’s going to be a doctor one day, isn’t that terrifying?

She might be a doctor one day.

Shut up Luke, Slinky is really clever, okay?

I’m just saying…

We don’t need your negativity. Did you see what happened to Brandon by the way? I saw his nose bleeding but not how it happened.

Who’s Brandon?

He does psychology with Hannah and Lottie.

He tried to get involved in an argument between a bloke and his girlfriend in the smoking area. The guy told him to leave them alone but Brandon didn’t listen, so he punched him.

Oh my god!

It was his own fault.

What do you mean it was his fault?! He was just trying to help and he got punched in the face!

The guy said to leave him alone. Brandon didn’t listen.

When you say things like that, I really wonder why I’m friends with you. Are those Maoams? Can I have one?

Catch.

Ouch! Don’t laugh at me, why would you aim for my head?

Why are you so bad at catching?

Shut up. I don’t like the orange ones.

I’ll eat it.

Here. Throw me another, Luke. Nicely. Thank you. Where was I? Oh yeah, you know Rachel, Lottie’s housemate?

Which one, curly-blonde-hair-Rachel or I’m-better-than-everyone-because-I’m-a-law-student-Rachel?

Blonde Rachel is fit.

I question your judgement. The law one, she’s so stuck up, right? She starts dancing with Callum and then they start kissing!

No! In front of Lottie?

Yes! And the girl he’d met at the other bar!

He is unbelievable.

Lottie starts getting upset which makes more sense now knowing Callum rejected her. She kept buying more drinks and she was falling about everywhere, so the bouncer kicked her out and Blonde Rachel went with her.

A tragedy.

When Lottie left the night got so much better. The vibes were high, they actually played some good songs, and no-one creeped on us because the boys were there. Then me, Hannah and Slinky decided to go to that karaoke place and when we came outside Rachel and Lottie were still there. Rachel was trying to get a taxi but none of them would take Lottie because she was too drunk. She was sitting on the floor and Rachel had propped her up against a wall but she kept tipping over. It was so funny.

How did they get home?

Well, I got a message from Rachel today, apparently just after we left them-

You mean you left Lottie drunk out on the street? I thought girls never did that.

Shut up Luke. This is different.

It’s not really though, is it?

Rachel was looking after her, we didn’t leave her on her own! Were we all supposed to ruin our night because Lottie made bad decisions? I don’t think so! So apparently a police van pulled up and asked if they were okay. Rachel told them what was happening and the police drove them home!

In the van?!

Yes! Look, Rachel sent me some pictures.

Oh my god! I can’t believe she was taking selfies with Lottie passed out in the back of a police van.

If it was me, I’d make one of them my new profile picture.

Can I see? Throw the phone over, I can actually catch.

Here.

Wow, Lottie looks rough.

Isn’t it great?

Rachel still looks fit.

Give me the phone back now.

Ready? Time for redemption.

No, Luke don’t thro- Ah! Thanks Soph. So, we were walking to karaoke when guess who we bump into?

Who?

Fred!

No!

And he’s off his face drunk.

That’s because he had a forfeit that night.

A what?

A forfeit for not coming to the social last week. He had to down a dirty pint before he came out. The team put everything in dirty pints.

Rugby boys are disgusting, why did I ever date one? So, Fred notices me and nearly gets hit by a car crossing the street. He says that he wants to get back together and he’ll do anything for me and he actually starts crying.

Oh no.

What a dickhead.

I thought you liked him.

Nope, never did.

Well, why didn’t you say anything before?

You never asked.

How is that logical? So, I’m trying to get Fred to stop crying because it’s embarrassing but he won’t listen to me. Then I look at Slinky who’s trying not to giggle at him, and it was like we were telepathically connected because we both started running away from him at the exact same time. Hannah’s following us and the three of us are pelting it down the street laughing. We stop when we get out of breath-

After about 10 metres.

Shut up Luke. And we’re just walking along, talking drunk nonsense as you do, when Hannah elbows me and whispers she can see one of her lecturers walking towards us. It’s Adam, the Forensic Psychology lecturer she has a crush on, and I can confirm he is very nice to look at. I’d let him forensically examine me.

Milly!

What? I’m a girl that knows what she wants. We try to play it cool but he recognises Hannah, so he stops to talk – nothing exciting, he was just being polite. Hannah was a bit quiet, I just thought she was shy but then she threw up all over his shoes!

Oh my god, you are joking!

Haha, nice one.

She was absolutely mortified.

I think I would have curled into a ball and started crying.

That’s practically what she did. We tried to clean off as much as we could-

Eurgh, stop it, I don’t want to know the details!

But he left pretty quickly.

I’m not surprised.

After that Hannah just wanted to go home so we started walking back. Slinky and I were trying to convince her that it wasn’t that bad and there hadn’t even been a lot of vomit on his shoes (we were lying to her, there was so much vomit), when we found this random guy lying in the road.

In the road? Had he been hit by a car?

No, he was sort of half on, half off the pavement and had quite a lot of bruising on his face and a cut eyebrow. So Slinky jumps into “medical mode” – that girl is amazing at acting sober when she needs to – starts assessing him and phones an ambulance. Turns out he’s also a student on a night out and he arranged to meet some guys to buy drugs from them but they beat him up.

Isn’t that just natural selection?

Meeting drug dealers on your own in the middle of the night does seem like a really stupid thing to do.

Yeah, it’s dumb. The ambulance actually gets to us quite quickly, and Slinky says she’ll go with the guy to the hospital so she rides off with them.

How does Slinky end up being the responsible one of the night?

The girl’s a mess but she does care about people. Me and Hannah got home about half three, Luke arrived when were getting ready for bed, Slinky got back a few hours later, and presumably Callum is with whichever girl took him home last night. And that, my friend, is the end of the story.

Wow, that was a big night. I didn’t even hear you come in.

That’s because I’m a good housemate. Oh, I did eat your leftover pizza though.

Milly! I was looking forward to that!

I was hungry and we didn’t get a chance to get food anywhere!

There’s other food in the fridge!

You’re a bad friend, Milly.

Shut up Luke. I still haven’t forgiven you for eating my chicken nuggets last week. I’m sorry, Soph. I’ll make you a deal: you agree to come out with us tonight and I’ll buy you drinks the whole night and a pizza before we come home.

You want to go out two nights in a row?

Absolutely! Luke, you ready for round two?

I am if you are.

I’m always ready. What do you say, Soph?

Fine. I can’t believe you ate my pizza though.

Hey, we all do stupid things when we’re drunk, right?