The Summer That Changed Everything

Thunk. The box hits the ground and its contents spill out.

“Damn it,” I mutter, bending down to collect the previously packed books.

“Here, let me help!” One of the movers scoops up three books and hands them back to me. I gave him a small smile and repacked the books. The mover collected the box and swiftly walked out the front door to load it onto the truck. I stood up and dusted off my hands. Then it caught my eye. A small Polaroid in front of my feet.

The photo was hazy. Time had yellowed the image and its white frame was stained with dust. I picked it up and studied the photo closely. A large, green mountain behind a once vibrant blue ocean. If I squinted, I could almost make out the seals, lazily laying on the rocks. I haven’t thought about this day in years.

“I think I’m gonna barf,” I say, holding my stomach. Danny laughs and rubs my back. “You wanted to ride the boat, darling.” I shot him daggers but then lean into him.

“I want to see the seals, and maybe a dolphin or two,” I sigh pathetically.

“We’ll see them soon.” He wraps his arm around me tightly.

The memory brought a warm smile to my face. I walk out to the moving van and search in the truck for the box of books. Here it is. I reach in and dig for the little brown and pink book that says “travel.” I plop down into an armchair and flip the book open to a random page. Another Polaroid, showing a scrabble board, all filled up.

“No way!” I say, placing my tiles on the letter stand. My first seven letters spelled Tuesday. “That's… 63 points!” I exclaim, doing a happy dance in my chair. I wait for Danny to choose his word and take a moment to look out over the balcony. I shiver as the breeze blows, bringing in the salty sea air. It's nearly ten pm but the sun is still out, setting. The sky is painted orange and pinkish-purple. Huge fluffy clouds crowd the sky. It reminds of the cotton candy they were selling at a little shop near the pier. The tide has come in now, filling the harbor with the bluest water I have ever seen. I can see a dozen or so boats out there, and spot a few coming in from the sea. I watch the seagulls dive down into the ocean, searching for an evening snack. Peeking out from the corner of the building, I can see the large, beautiful mountain and imagine what it would be like to climb to the top. I can almost picture the view.

“Is xrazip a word?” Danny pulls me from my daydream.

“Xrazip?” I ask, breaking out into a giggle. “I don’t think so.”

I shake my head, trying to remember all of the nonsense words Danny attempted to play that night. I beat him, 251 to 164 in the end. I look at the Polaroid taped next to the scrabble photo, a photo of a piece of paper that I can barely read. But I remember. The building we were in is where Danny’s nan lived. Sort of like an old folks home but far more independent. The contents of the paper was the reason we played scrabble that night, instead of working on the giant puzzle they had spread out on a table in the community room. What was her name? I squint harder. Teresa. That's it. Teresa was a resident in this building who had recently passed away. There were so many kind words about her from the other residents and they mentioned her love of scrabble. We played as a tribute to her.

I flip through the pages, filled with photos of beaches and ice cream cones and smiles. This was the best– and worst summer of my life. My first time leaving the states. And I wish it had lasted forever. Finally I reached the last page. A selfie of myself and Danny in front of the London Airport. My heart sinks as the memory and feelings from that day flood me.

“Annnnnnd done. Printing ticket now.” I read the screen on the kiosk. The smile fades from my face and it twists into confusion when the screen pops up with another message. “Please see attendant. Issue with ESTA.” A piece of paper spits out of the bottom of the kiosk. A black pit fills my stomach as we drag our luggage across the airport to an attendant.

“Hey,” Danny says softly, “its probably just a bug in the system. No reason to worry.” He gave me a small smile, trying to reassure me. The pit didn’t budge. The queue was long. I checked my phone. Two hours and twenty three minutes until our flight. It felt like an eternity had passed before it was our turn.

“Mmmm, hello. Passports please?” The small framed woman behind the desk said, barely glancing up. Her accent sounded particularly strong.

“Actually we’re here because there's an issue with my ESTA.” Danny said, showing her the ticket.

“Mmmm, let me take a look at this. We should be able to sort this, no problem, mmmmm.” Danny squeezed my hand. My cold, clammy hand.

“Its okay,” he whispered. I couldn’t hear him. The panic was at level seven and rising. How long had she been looking up his information? Everything felt slow motion.

“Mmmmmm so it does seem like your ESTA has actually been revoked, mmmm.” She finally said, with a small smile, probably sympathetic. I couldn’t tell. The pit grew larger. Level eight.

“Wh-what do you mean? What happened? I just used this in October and there were no problems.” Danny said. I could hear the panic growing in his voice. Level three I’m guessing. Maybe four. Danny is much better than me when it comes to keeping calm during stressful situations.

“Mmmmm so I can actually go ahead and give homeland a ring to see what's going on, but we actually do not get involved in these matters. So we will have to see what they say, mmmm.” We nod and she picks up the phone and dials. She explains the situation and then hands the phone to Danny. I can't hear what the officer is saying but based on Danny’s responses, he's asking a bunch of questions. A flicker of hope lights up, like a small candle. Barely visible in the vast dark pit, still in my stomach. Level seve— wait. Danny hands the phone back to the attendant at the desk. Confusion and disappointment twisted together on his face. The flame goes out. Level nine.

“They said I overstayed my last visit and that’s why my ESTA is revoked.” His voice is flat. I hear a ringing in my ears. This cannot be happening. Level ten.

“No!” My voice cracks. “You didnt—he didnt overstay,” I turn to the attendant.

“We do not get involved, you will have to get this sorted before we can allow you on the plane, mmmm,” She says back. There's a smile stretched on her thin lips and her eyes are squinted. “I can speak to the officer and see what your next steps might be, mmmm.” I nod, numbly. Tears well in the corners of my eyes. Danny wraps his arm around my waist and squeezes me. The attendant scribbles some information down. “Mmmmm, thank you. I will tell them.” She hangs up the phone. “So you’re going to want to call this number and make an appointment, mmmm. You can explain your situation to them and hopefully get this sorted out, mmmm.” I reach out and take the small slip of paper.

“So we can explain this to someone and get the ESTA back? We have proof of flight dates.”

“Mmmmm, yes. You could try to explain but the officer said his,” gesturing to Danny, “best option is to get a visa, mmmm. As for your flight, would you like to continue today?” Hot tears stream down my face. I look into Danny’s eyes. This didn’t feel real. This was just a bad dream. A really, really bad dream. Yes. This was not real. It couldn’t be. I was still snuggled up next to Danny, in his warm bed. The baby seagulls chirped outside on the roof and the cool summer breeze blew through the window. I could almost smell the lavender detergent in the sheets. In a few short hours, we would be traveling back to the states. Together. This is just a bad dream.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try with all my strength to will it into existence. The ringing in my ears grows louder, the sounds of the airport fading into the background. Danny squeezes my hand softly. I open my eyes. Too quickly, all of the sound comes rushing in, like the blaring of an annoying alarm yanking you out of a good sleep. This was not a bad dream. It was reality.

Saying goodbye to Danny in the airport that day was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks and landing on the page below me as I recall the memory. I never would have left his side that day, if it weren’t for my son waiting for me to come home. I closed the book and sat for a moment. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. The weeks that ensued were some of the hardest of my life. I continue to pack boxes while I think about what came after.

“Hey,” I say into the phone. “I’ve landed. I’m safe.”

“Good. I heard there were some storms and I was really worried about you.” A sense of comfort washes over me, paired with grief at the sound of Danny’s voice. I wish I could reach through the phone and hug him. We’ve been apart before. Nearly our entire relationship has been long distance. This was different though. We had plans.

“Uh, yea. There was some turbulence before we landed but it wasn't too bad. Anyways, I spoke with homeland security. They said you didn’t overstay your last visit. You’ve overused your ESTA in general.”

“What? How can I overuse something that has unlimited uses?!” Danny raises his voice slightly.

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “He said you would need to get a visa. I asked about the tourist visa but he didn’t sound confident that you would be approved for that.”

“Well then what? What's our options?” Danny replies, sounding so defeated with a hint of anger in his voice. That was rare.

“The officer said we should get engaged.” My voice was just as flat, a combination of exhaustion and numbness.

We had discussed marriage so many times. But Danny wasn’t ready. It was him who had to leave England. Leave his family and all of his friends. Everything he had ever known. I had wished more than anything that I could be the one to take the leap but I couldn’t leave my child. I couldn’t take him either. I was stuck in the states for another ten years.

The weeks that followed my departure were a blur. There were so many talks about the future that it no longer felt real or achievable.

“Danny, have you thought more about the fiance visa? It can take a whole year to process and it's going to be really hard going that long without seeing you.”

“Yea, I’ve thought about it. I’m just not sure. I hate that we have to get married just to be with each other. We should get married because we want to.”

“I DO want to marry you. I’ve known that for a long time.” I say back, the sting of his words send a wave of prickles from my head to my toes. I blink the tears away.

“I want to marry you too but it's the principal. And I have concerns about moving to the states. And I’m worried about leaving my mum...” he trailed off. I could tell he was trying to deliver his words kindly but sadness rose inside of me like a bubble. Deep down I know this is never going to work. Still, I push further.

“It’s only for a few years. And when those few years are over, we can move back to England. I would be there today if I could.” My voice cracks.

“Darling, I want to be with you. You know I–”

“Then do it! Be with me!” I cried, interrupting him.

“It isnt that simple.”

I tape up the current box I’m working on. It was an impossible situation, doomed to fail from the beginning. We were from two different worlds and an ocean apart. Of course our relationship was meant to crash and bur–

“Darling,” I hear from behind me.

“Oh!” I exclaim, jumping a little. I spin around and meet his beautiful blue-green eyes.

His smile fades to concern and he reaches out to wipe the tear from my cheek. “Darling, what's wrong?”

“Oh nothing. I was just reminiscing,” I gesture to the travel book, lying on the counter. Danny smiles and picks the book up, flipping through the pages.

“This really was the summer that changed everything, wasn’t it?”

Three months had passed since we were approved for a finance visa but it didn’t matter. Danny and I had broken up one week after I received the approval letter. I think the pressure was too much for him to handle. He just needed space, he told me.

“Come on, Alex,” I say. “You’ll be late for school!” I grab his backpack from the hook near the front door and open it. What I see when I open the door causes me to stumble backwards and I let out an audible gasp. Danny. On one knee, holding up a little velvet box. He's surrounded by luggage and his curly hair is wild. I shake my head a little, trying to figure out if I’m hallucinating.

“Darling, I was a fool,” he says. “I know that now. I am so sorry it has taken me this long to realize that I cannot spend another moment on this earth without you by my side. Please, do me the honor of being my wi–”

“YES!” Tears stream down my face and I leap into Danny’s arms, sending us, and his suitcase crashing to the ground.

"OOF," Danny says before erupting into giggles. He places the ring on my finger and then pulls me into a soft kiss.

“Well come on, we’re going to miss our flight.”

Danny closes the book and places it into the open box next to me. I smile and grab onto Danny’s outreached hand.

“To London we go!”