Oblivion

Being alone was a familiar feeling. After all, with so much to do, one doesn't have much time for others. Cassie sighed as she set down her cup of cocoa, staring at the screen of her laptop. She barely knew what she was writing, let alone why it mattered so much. All she knew was that it had to be done every day. No exceptions. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a conversation with anyone. 

  A timer suddenly went off, reminding Cassie she had food waiting for her in the oven. 

Finally. Anything to distract her from her work was appreciated. As always, the distraction turned into much more time than allotted. She scrolled through her phone as she ate, and the minutes quickly turned into hours. 

  “How is it already 11:00?” Cassie groaned when she finally saw the time. Distractions were a dangerous thing in a life of monotony. She cast a weary glance at her laptop and thought of her unfinished work. There’s always tomorrow, she thought. It wasn’t as if she had anything else to do anyway. 

  Cassie went through her nightly routine and did what she’d been yearning to do all day: sleep. Night was the most comforting time to her. No one could issue demands that she do anything, especially her anxious mind that kept pressing her to work. Now even her mind rested, accepting that getting into bed meant no more could be done. She had done all she could. 

  Although, the mind is a stubborn thing, and sometimes it refuses to rest when it should. Now it caused Cassie to remember an ignored voicemail from her sister, and it surely couldn’t wait til morning. What if she forgot it by then? What if her sister thought she was ignoring her on purpose? Cassie reluctantly reached for her phone, cursing her slavery to her own anxieties.

 “Hey Cass,” the message started. “It’s been awhile, are you ok? No one can get ahold of you and we’re starting to worry. We know how much you hate being alone. I…guess we all do. Anyway, please just call me back. Or anyone. Love you so much Cassie.”

   That was sweet, Cassie thought. Love you too. She squinted at the light of her phone in the dark, struggling to read the date it had been sent. As her eyes adjusted, she was finally able to read the date: January 18th. What was today’s date? She couldn’t remember. It hardly seemed important. Every day was the same.

~~~

  Cassie woke up to the obnoxious sound of her phone alarm. It seemed to have been ringing for a while. Eventually, its persistent screeching goaded Cassie out of bed, and she started her morning. As usual, she started by making a cup of hot chocolate. She typically had several throughout the day, which probably wasn’t a good habit, but whatever got her through. And aside from making food and sleeping, there wasn’t much to entertain her in her small apartment besides her ever persistent work.

  Once her hot drink was finally welcomed into her cold hands, Cassie opened her laptop, ready to pick up where she’d left off. However, as she reread her work, she was hit by the oddity of what she was writing. It was just the same sentence over and over again. “the cruel fate of eternal solitude…”, she’d written. What could that possibly mean? Had she really spent all day yesterday writing that? Shaken, Cassie got out of her chair and started pacing throughout the room. 

   Eternal solitude. Why did that phrase feel simultaneously so familiar yet so foreign? Thinking of it caused her brain to hurt, but she couldn’t escape it. Cassie let her thoughts drag her down further, until she had sunk to the floor. She pulled her fingers through her hair like her mother used to do in an attempt to calm her nerves. She didn’t realize how long it had grown. 

  While still on the floor, something caught Cassie’s eye. Directly next to her, was a thin envelope. It appeared to have already been opened. 

  Cassie debated what to do. Strong feelings of dread with seemingly no memories surrounded this envelope. Perhaps it was best to let it be. Curiosity, however, eventually won over, and Cassie frantically pulled the letter from its paper confines, and began to read the message written in her mother’s pretty cursive.

My dear Cassie, 

I wish they’d let me see you. I wish you would answer your phone. This may be my final desperate attempt to reach you, as my only hope is that they will see it delivered to you. I was so incredibly selfish. I thought by working on the antidote I was contributing to the hope of the human race. Not dooming my daughter to the cruel fate of eternal soli-

No. 

Cassie flung the letter away from her, expelling it from her presence. A nauseating sense of déjà vu washed over her, overwhelming her. She couldn’t breathe. How many times had she sat in this very same spot? How many times had she gotten this far in the letter, only to block it out and get stuck in this tormenting loop? She glared at the letter with utter abhorrence conflicted with longing, as if it was the only thing that could sustain her, yet threatened to kill her with its poison words of consequences.

  No, this time she had to finish it. Cassie crawled over to the discarded letter, and took a shaky breath before continuing. 

-Not dooming my daughter to the cruel fate of eternal solitude. When we decided it was ready for human testing, I was eager for my family to receive the antidote. I had no doubt in my mind that it would work. So in my desperation, I was selfish, and had you be one of only five to receive the small, precious first batch. I argued that you deserved it, because you wouldn’t last much longer without it with your already compromised health. I never told you the true nature of what we were doing, because I was worried you would refuse. I couldn’t lose you. I thought I was protecting you. Never once did it cross my mind that we wouldn’t be able to replicate the antidote. That we had no idea why the first batch worked. They took you from me, as you were now one of the few keys we had to its replication. You could not be allowed to be contaminated. But all this was to no avail. We will never stop trying, but we’re running out of time. Within a matter of weeks the entire human race will have died. All except the five recipients of the original, irreproducible cure. I will fight for you with my last breath Cassie, but I believe this is good-bye. I am so sorry for the unimaginable pain my ignorance and selfishness has cost you. I beg that you find the others who received the cure. Being alone won’t be good for you. I love you so much my dear daughter, more than words can express. Don’t give in to despair.

Oh.

  Despair. That word could not begin to touch the emptiness of loss that threatened to consume Cassie. That already had, but she refused to acknowledge. One final fragment of hope remained for her, however, and she looked at the top of the letter for a date. 

  Sure enough, there was one: March 13, 2021. What was today’s date? Cassie madly grasped for her phone, dreading what it might tell her. One touch, and the date would appear. 

  And so it did.

  May 21st, 2021.

  Humanity's deadline was up. According to the letter, long gone. Cassie felt as if she should crumple, or sob, or feel…anything. But instead a dull numbness took over her body. Somehow she found herself walking to her bed and lying on top of it. Here, she was forced to confront her thoughts. She’d been here so long, alone, pretending all was as it was before. That this was only temporary. Going through the repetitive motions of each day, slowly slipping into an ignorant oblivion. 

  The letter had mentioned finding the remaining survivors, and maybe she would. For now though, Cassie had only the strength to lie there. Maybe she would lie here forever. After all, being alone was a familiar feeling.