gOD bLESS aMERICA

           All I want is fucking Pepto Bismal. I have diarrhea. I need Pepto Bismal. The people at this facility are morons. Yes, I know it's not on my MAR, I know the state has to approve all my medications, I know the doctor hasn't putten it on my MAR. So, what? Look, it's OTC, so I don't need an RX. Goddamn it.  Can you at least give me money from my account so I can go to a local store and get it myself? What do you mean I'm not allowed to buy my own medication? Why the fucking hell not? Because it's not on my MAR. Fuck this place. So, I have to suffer and worry about passing out from dehydration because you will not allow me to go two fucking miles to get pink stuff? Why not? What the hell do you think I'm going to do with it? Sell it on the black market. It's OTC. Anyone is allowed to get it including me. This is medical negligence. What? Yes. Great idea. Call the 24 hour nurse hotline.

           Then let me talk to her. Him, fine. Let me talk to him. Hello? Yes. I understand that. Then add it to my fucking MAR. Can you get a perscription for it? Ok. Then can you call a doctor to get a perscription for it? No? Why the hell not? Wait until the nurse practisioner comes to campus. That could be two weeks. Goddamn it. I don't want to have diarreah for two weeks. You know what? Let me speak to your supervisor. There is no supervisor? You're the only nurse there? Great. That's just fucking great. 

           Ok, imagine in my shoes. You're stomach hurts and you have diarreah. You need Pepto Bismal, what would you do? Call 911? For Pepto Bismal? What the fuck? Have you lost your goddamn mind? I could call my case manager. Fine, I'll call my fucking case manager. See, if she has a brain. Idiots.

*

Hello. Yes, I know it's 3 o'clock in the morning. Trust me. I know. What do I need? I need Pepto Bismal. I did ask the house parent and the idiot house parent said it's not on my MAR. Yes, I know MAR stands for Medical Access Record. Who cares? Look, it's OTC and Walmart is 24/7. Let the House Parent lend me $10.00. I can fill out a money order and she'll get her money back.  Ah, shit. Hold on a few minutes. Why? Because I have diarreah. 

*

           Now, tell the on call nurse to permit me to have Pepto Bismal since it's OTC and doesn't require a perscription. Talk about it later in the day? YOU need to go to sleep. Look, get me Pepto Bismal and I'll leave you alone and we can both sleep. Just drink water and call you in the morning? Damn it. If you had diarreah . . . Fine. You don't have time for this and have a busy day tomorrow. Fine. So, I just have to suffer the rest of the night. Bitch. Son-of-a-bitch. How much effort would it take to go to Walmart?

*

           So, I call K, the woman in charge of the medical department and explain to her my dilemma. She listens, though she sounds grumpy and tired and tells me the same fucking thing. Drink water and come back in the morning.

*

           Then, I'm sitting on the Jon and suffering and I run out of toilet paper, so I ask the idiot house parent for some more toilet paper, but they're out of toilet paper. That's just great. No toilet paper, no Pepto Bismal, no nothing. Goddamn it. I swear I'm going to call an Ombudman and have this fucking place shut down. No toilet paper. Paper towels. You have paper towels. Sure. I mean, I guess that's better than using my hands, right? This place is ghetto. 

*

           So, I think about it, shrug my shoulders, get out my cell phone and call 911. They say “911. What's the emergency?” I tell them I have diarreah really bad and there's no toilet paper and no Pepto Bismal. The lady pauses and asks, “Is this a practical joke?” No. I live in a care home and I can't get any medication that isn't on my MAR and Pepto Bismal isn't on my MAR and I'm sick and this place won't give me an anti-diarreatic or toilet paper. “That's not an emergency. Just go to somewhere like CVS or Walmart and get some Anti-diarreatics and toilet paper. We have other important calls.” But . .. but she hangs up. 

           I try knocking on my neighbors' door when the house parent is asleep (she snores) but no one will give me Pepto Bismal, Imodium, or toilet paper. Son-of-a bitch. So, I use the paper towels which are hard and rough. Goddamn it. What kind of shit hole doesn't keep extra toilet paper in the cupboard? Morons. This is asenine. Damn it.

*

So, I remember when I was younger, I went camping and we used leafs when camping so I figure I could use leafs to wipe myself, so I go out the door to fetch leaves, but the door alarm goes off. MEEP, MEEP, MEEP. The House Parent wakes up and asks where I'm going. I tell her I'm getting leaves to wipe myself since these paper towels are so rough. She rolls her eyes and says I'm not allowed to leave the building until 8 am. Then, she gives me some tissues. Like the kind you blow your nose with. Except these are thin tissues, so these don't work well either. 

           I try calling an anonymous tip line to report abuse, but they're closed. I try calling an abuse line to report abuse, but they say the same thing the others said. Just go to a grocery store in the morning to get this stuff. 

           I'm out of options. There's nothing I can do and I ask the House Parent why? Why can't I get money to go to a local store to get OTC meds and toilet paper? It's because the state wants to keep everyone at this center safe and we might abuse OTC medications?  The state also decides what temperature our rooms should be, what temperature our food should be, what meds we can and can't get, what doctors we should see or shouldn't see. But there's a cost to safety that doesn't keep us safe. There's a cost to everything. Cost/benefit. I never wanted to come here and can leave if I go AMA. But leave to where? Homeless on the street. So, I have diarreah all night and talk to my case manager and health services in the morning and they can't do anything until the nurse practicioner writes a perscription. God bless America.