The Right Way Home

“I can’t believe Rick took it all.” Janet begins her rant about my now ex-husband. “He is the one that was unfaithful, yet you’re getting punished for it.”

I just stare at her blankly. Not even at her… through her, almost tuning her out. I don’t care about the house. I don’t care about the car. I don’t even care about the money. But Mac, Mac was my life.

I found out at a young age that I was unable to have children. It took a few years for me to get over that, but I don’t think Rick ever did. I have to believe that’s why he cheated. I physically could not produce what he desired in life, so he tried to create that life elsewhere. I don’t even think I blame him for that now, I just can’t believe the way it all unraveled and I can’t believe he took Mac.

Mac is…was, our five-year-old bull mastiff. Equal parts love and drool. I viewed him like he was my own child. Rick took him in the divorce, along with the house, the car, and the money. I blacked out. I was numb. I was in a state of shock and just agreed to his terms. I initially thought that Rick taking Mac was the better route since I would have to find an apartment and he likely would be too big for any of the HOAs to approve of, but now, I think I would have lived in a tent if it meant I could have my big Mac back by my side.

Letting go of Mac was harder than letting go of Rick, and as hard as it is to admit, I know it is probably best for Mac, too. I mean, he would hate tent life. That big goober was too accustomed to velvet love seats and glass bowls always full of the coldest freshest spring water. I just wonder if he misses me, too.

“I mean he seriously has some nerve!” Janet continues.

“Jan, I know. I know, but the longer we focus on him, the longer it’s going to take for me to heal and move on.”

Janet is passionate, stubborn, and always puts family first. I love her for that. She always liked Rick, but turned on him the second he decided to seek out a woman other than his wife. She is the one to call when you need moral support, or need to hide a body. She graciously welcomed me into her home so I wouldn’t be alone these first few weeks after the divorce. Let’s be honest, she is the only reason I’m getting out of bed in the morning and taking daily showers.

“Let’s get out of here Bec,” Janet exclaims.

Now that’s an idea I can get on board with.

“What do you mean? Where are we going?” I ask.

“Remember our backpacking adventures we used to love? Let’s just pack up and head out tomorrow morning at dawn.”

I look at Janet. She looks back with a grin.

“Let’s go.”

“Becca! Wake up!”

I hear her banging on the bedroom door.

“COMING!” I yell as I pack my last essentials and a few extra pairs of socks.

“I cannot believe we are doing this,” I say as we reverse out of the driveway.

“I can,” Janet says. “Maybe you forgot who you are, but you love hiking. You love camping. You love spontaneous adventure and you, sis, are going to find yourself again.”

Janet’s right, I did do all these things before Rick. He just never really had the desire to camp and spontaneously explore when we could pay for lavish hotels and guided excursions. I never realized how much I missed the excitement of the unknown.

We pull into the parking lot of our local national park here in north Georgia. Janet and I have hiked sections of the Appalachian Trail before, but this time was different. This time, I almost feel like I’m looking for something. It’s hard to explain, really. But it’s almost like I abandoned myself out here last time we went, and I need to find myself where I left off.

Don’t get me wrong, Rick was great. It’s really an unfortunate circumstance that we didn’t work out. He may not enjoy hiking, but I was okay with that. He was a family man, with a great head on his shoulders. Always managed to balance work, family, and fun so effortlessly. That is, until he didn’t.

I still don’t quite understand it. He met another girl one night while he was out for a work function. He tried to keep it a secret, but his secretary picked up on their flirtatious banter that night. Eventually, the same secretary would be responsible for scheduling lunch dates with this mystery woman and weeks later, his secretary quit when she realized the type of man she was working for and that’s when his secretary decided to stalk me out online and privately message me informing me of what was going on.

I have to think Rick tried to cut it off, but his desire for a family kept him running back and while I want to hate him for that, I almost understood.

This woman he met, Sydney, was already a mother of one. A college track and field coach. Perfect body, perfect hair, and the only thing missing from her life was the perfect man to create more perfect kids with. That’s where Rick came in. Again, I don’t blame him. I had to learn to forgive even though it hurt like hell. If only I was fertile, I would still be married to him. I would be the one pregnant with his first child and not Sydney.

“Bec keep up!” Janet yells back to me.

I hate that I can’t soak up the scenery or listen to the nearby creek. Thoughts of Rick, of Sydney, of Mac keep flooding into my head. All the reasons I love hiking are being ruined by the nightmare of the last three weeks of my life.

I’m able to tune in to the surrounding nature sounds for a few minutes, but then am slowly slipping back into thoughts of what life back home will be like. I can’t live with Jan forever. I can’t replace Mac with another dog. I can’t even return to work without being surrounded by sad pathetic looks from my co-workers as they try to sympathize with me. Ugh.

But the more steps I take into the wilderness, the more my mind begins to clear. The more I begin to focus on the birds, the bugs buzzing near my ear, and the warm of the sun fading as it slowly begins to set. This is why I love nature, why I love hikes. With every step, a sense of clarity. With every step, a sense of peace.

Darkness begins to flood the sky and Janet and I begin to unpack our tents to prepare for our first night on the Trail.

It was a pretty silent process. Luckily, Jan understands where I’m at. This is still all so fresh for me. We continue to pitch our tents and quietly slip into our sleeping bags for the night.

“Hello!” a male voice screams out.

I begin to wipe the sleep away from my eyes, check my watch, it’s 5am.

“EXCUSE ME!” He’s a bit louder this time.

“WHAT!?” I hear Jan yell.

Oh boy. Janet is NOT a morning person and definitely not a five in the morning person.

“I, uh, I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know you’re on a bear path. He comes through here every morning around 6am. Just didn’t want you getting caught up in his tracks.”

Crap. I’m always the one checking for track marks, but I’ve been more than distracted. How did I miss this? I jump out of my tent to diffuse the situation.

“Hey!” I yell toward them, “I’m sorry. She’s not a morning person. Thank you, sir. We normally are more attentive. Glad you spared us a bear encounter.”

I look over at Janet, my headlamp blaring into her eyes in perfect time to see her infamous eye roll.

“It’s no problem, just didn’t want you to get startled is all.”

He continues, “Hey, I’m Jesse by the way. I’m a park ranger here if you guys ever find yourselves needing anything, you give me a call.”

He jots down his phone number and hands it to me on a gum wrapper. Classy.

“See Becca, you attract all the men. Even out in the woods with no makeup on, smelling like an Italian sub. You’re going to be just fine.”

I felt a little smile come to the surface. Maybe I will be just fine.

As the days pass, every new sunrise fills me with a new sense of hope. Janet was right, this is exactly what I needed. I am feeling more and more like myself every day.

Janet and I share laughs and reminisce of all our hikes out here with mom and dad. All the times they would argue about which direction we were headed, or the time mom had us hitchhike back home. Ha! What a different world we live in now.

“You know, things are just simpler out here, Jan. As much as I wanted the picket white fence life and kids in private school, this is just much more… me.”

Janet looks over and smiles.

“I know,” she says.

The next morning, our final morning, we wake up and start making our coffee in the french press over the fire.

“You know, I’m going to miss this. But I have to thank you for getting me back out here, Janet,” I say, more so thinking out loud than anything.

“Bec, you know nature is always here. When life gets overwhelming, we can return here anytime. It’s like our very own little life reset button.”

“I love that,” I say.

I really wish I didn’t have to leave; I think to myself.

Jan breaks my thought process. “Time to get moving, we’ve got work in the morning and sixteen miles back to the car.”

On the hike back, I can barely think over the sounds of the birds, the nearby waterfall, and the ground beneath my feet. The smell of fresh dew on the grass fills my nostrils. In the distance, I can almost hear a chime. The slightest familiar ring. I can’t quite figure out where I’ve heard it before, but it brings me the smallest sense of comfort.

Mac.

“MAC!”

Janet looks at me with a concerned look.

“Janet, it’s Mac. I hear his collar.”

Janet grabs my hand. “Honey, Mac is at Rick’s, over 50 miles away. You were doing so well, what has gotten into you.”

I sit down, tears streaming down my face. How can I still be hearing him? I thought I was finally healing.

Janet rubs my back, then walks down to the creek to give me a moment to compose myself. I let my head hang heavy into my hands, feeling the tears run down my arms.

A rough, but gentle brush on my arm disrupts the flow of the stream from a teardrop.

I look up.

It’s like looking through a windshield without working wipers, but I can almost make out a big brown object. Bear?

Another lick to my eyes clears up my blurry vision.

Mac.

“IT’S MAC!” I yell.

He jumps on me as I roll onto my back embracing his 75-pound body.

“MAC!?” I hear Janet in the distance running toward us.

“I cannot believe it,” sounding like she’s seen a ghost.

He looks tired and hungry, but still full of life and hope.

Just like me.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the gum wrapper. Dial the number Jesse had left.

“Park Ranger,” he answers.

“Jesse, you left your number for us a few days ago as we passed through the park, we’re at mile marker 71. Can you send a truck to pick us up, please.”

“Uh, yeah, sure! I’ll be right there just give me 30 minutes to get to you.”

Jesse arrives and we load up into the truck. “Well, who’s this?” He asks.

I reply, “This… this is Mac. I came out here to find myself again, not realizing I would end up finding something better.”

Jesse gives Mac a good ear scratch. “It’s funny you say that, because I could say the same.” He says with a smile looking right at me.

I look at Janet through the rear-view mirror just in time to see her mouth “I told you!” with the goofiest grin on her face.

I hug Mac the whole ride back to our car hiding my smile behind his fur.

“Looks like we both took the long way home” I whisper into his ear.