Future and Past, Forwards and Backwards

Scenes and images flashed through my head as I started to forget...

Part I

I woke up in the hospital feeling as good as ever. Everything had worked out. I was to become the most talented invincible drummer ever in the history of drumming and I knew that it was going to happen in three year’s time.

Looking at these white-suited doctors whispering and talking with excited voices around me, my excitement dwindled a little and dark thoughts started to loom like a black cloud.

Who were these people?

Luckily, this sudden dark feeling only lasted a few seconds and after that, I expelled these feelings as an unwanted guest. “A famous drummer like me shouldn’t have feelings such as this” I thought.

The doctor nearest to me came over carefully and asked in a kind voice, “Sorry Alex, we brought you here as soon as possible to inform you the news. You’ve been hurt badly in a car crash and have been through a coma straight after. If all was not on a tight timetable, you would have dyed!”

“What about my family?” 

The doctor eyes became sorrowful, “Your family all passed away in that car crash, except your sister Kelly. The crash was huge and there were no survivors. I really hope that you’ll get over it, Alex.”

Hearing this, I couldn’t help but feel strange. I didn’t remember a car trash, let alone having any family. I only remember the bright and fabulous future that I created and that is definitely enough for me. However, there is still a stab of pain in my heart and I can’t seem to figure out why.

Seeing that the doctor was looking at me as if waiting for me to express some sadness and all that. I replied enthusiastically, “Nah, it’s okay, I can’t remember them anyway. Did you know that I’ll win the Grammy Price of music in 10 years time?”

“Hearing this, some nurses on the corner gasped and some started to pace around the room and started to talk in hushed voices. Only the doctor closest didn’t utter a word but stared at me, as if looking for anything wrong or miscalculated. But finally, he sighed and asked, “Do you remember anything before the you before you got here?”

“The word “before” seemed strange in my ears. Of course I remembered. I am to become a famous drummer and win the Nobel Music Prize. But, before I got here? I can’t seem to recall what happened before I got here.” I thought to myself.

The doctor scribbled something anonymous on the notepad beside him and smiled, as if I was some successful lab-rat.

Part II

After a few weeks, I finally got out of the hospital. Walking on the street of New York, I found that all was the same, the twinkling lights, the honking of the cars... I ordered a taxi and it drove me back to my home , which was also the same as ever.

My home was normal but cozy. It had 2 stories and a nice green lawn as well. Tulip flowers were scattered along the grass in front and potted planted lined the doorstep. The air was musty and I had a strange feeling that it was going to rain. The sky was now pitch dark and the moon, ghostly than ever, hung on the dark and forbidding night. As I looked up, I could see tiny stars lingering around the moon as if a bunch of children playing around its mother.

Taking this all in, I went up to the door and rung the door bell where my sister Kelly awaited.

“Who’s there?” A chippy voice sung.

“Me, Alex!” 

There was a long pause, slowly the door opened.

My sister Kelly had long spiky hair with curls at the very end. She was pretty but mature and she wore a brightly yellow skirt imprinted with the words “dead inside”. This was normal for her because I knew that she liked wearing skirts.

“Hey Alex.” She asked in a tentative voice, “How are you feeling?”

“Just a little query.” I answered.

“So.... you really don’t remember anything?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that.” I wondered aloud, “I remember what is to happen, I am going to get a Grammy Price in music and I am going to the most famous drummer ever!”

My sisters eyes teared up. She gently set the coffee that she was drinking on the wooden table. From that instant, I knew that something was wrong

Suddenly, Kelly started to cry. Tears trickled down her yellow shirt and fell onto the table. Out of instinct, I ran up and hold her just like I always did when she was sad. But, I was still confused about her reaction to all of this.

“What’s wrong Kelly?”I whispered soothingly.

“I can’t do this anymore.” She screamed, while shaking violently in my arms, “You deserve to know the truth!”

I suddenly had a dark feeling, like my body was telling me to stay away. But, this was my sister, and I would always listen to her and accompany her, no matter what.”

“What is it, Kelly? What is it that I need to know?”

“They did experiments on you,” She said trying to recompose her posture, “They said that it’ll make you forget, forget all your downturns in life. But Alex, remembering something horrible and choosing to avoid it is not going to help you. Alex, you deserve to know the truth. But, it is still your own choice.”

My sister started to shudder as if electrocuted and I held her tightly, after to let go. However, I still needed to know.”

“What did they make me forget, Kelly.” I asked shakily, “Please Kelly, I want to know.”

Kelly took a deep breathe, her eyes were now gleaming with twinkling tears and lips quivered as if it were on fire. But finally, after a few long seconds, she finally whispered, “ The doctor said that if I showed you a picture, you will remember everything.”

She went up to the closet next to him, and took out a picture, the picture of a husband, a wife and a teenage boy. They were in a car and they seemed so happy, so joyful until the car......

Then, I remembered and what I’ve learned in that moment made me feel hollow inside. I knew then that I needed to forget.

Part III

I was in the same hospital room with the same male doctor along side me. The nurses, if I remembered clearly were also the same. However, there were also differences. The doctor was frowning at my sister and they were talking in urgent small voices in the hospital hall. After a while, they seemed to reach an agreement.

“Before you start the cleanup experiment. You have to know that you’ll remember nothing of your past. You’ll only remember your bright future. So sir, are you sure you want to do this?”

My sister, finally losing control and crying, said to me her last words, But these words stopped me in my tracks.

“I tried Alex, I tried to be strong for you and for this family. I wish that I could save you, I prayed to God every time you awoke from the procedure. But Alex, there is a flaw a huge flaw inside you and it will consume you whole one day.

“What is that.” I asked, dreading the answer.

“You never move on!” My sister burst out. “So what if our family died from a car crash. You need to face it and not run from it!”

Hearing this, everything made sense.

“So please.” my sister continued, “ Don’t do this.”

My mind was a jumble I knew that I should listen to her. But, I couldn’t. I couldn’t face the pain, the sorrow, the hate, and the hollowness. Our family were so happy and never sinned against anyone. So, How could God decide this fate to our family. It was unfair and unjust. Even if I have to forget my past for countless of times, it would be worth it because of the joyfulness and the excitement I would feel afterwards.

So, I made my decision.

“Sorry Kelly. But I have to.” 

Kelly sighed and replied, “If you must go, go.

Then, she added something, “But, know this brother, Future is always better than past. Forwards is always better than backwards. I hope that when you wake up sometime in the future, you’ll start to see that running away from a problem is never an option. Bye, brother and good luck.”

She kissed me on the cheek and stepped out of the hospital room.

I lay on the soft bed and thought “See you at the start again sister.”

The cleanup began.

Scenes and images flashed through my head as I started to forget...

Part I

I woke up in the hospital feeling as good as ever. Everything had worked out. I was to become the most talented invincible drummer ever in the history of drumming and I knew that it was going to happen in three year’s time......