My Love

The high of performing will be something I will never get over. It didn’t matter how big or small a role after the first show I was hooked. The swell of emotions before a show always took over me. It didn’t matter that I had done this a dozen times over the shaking in my hands was still there and my breathing was irregular. I loved it.

Some people would never understand why the shaking was so appealing to me and that’s okay. It just isn’t for them the nerves are too much. For me on the other hand it reminded me I was alive and living in the moment. I had spent time working on this and it was finally going to pay off and everyone was going to see that.

The chaos behind the stage was so enthralling. Everyone had somewhere to be and everyone felt the same thing as me. The director was telling people where to go and sending out reminders to fix your hair or add extra blush. You could see people who were worrying in a corner if they would forget their line and friends were huddled next to them soothing them. 

My role wasn’t particularly large but I had my lines memorized like the back of my hand. I remember when I was like the kids in the corner freaking out but now I was used to it. The memories of my first show took over and I remembered crying in the bathroom and an older girl came and held my hand. I couldn’t remember her name but I will always remember her kindness. 

Each show was different but that’s what drew me to them. They were similar with monologues and singing but they had different people running the show and different songs to sing. We had the feeling of being a team and the nerves that seem to bounce from show to show. They had always stayed with me. 

This show was different since it was a period drama. I hadn’t always enjoyed the accents and giant skirts. It slowly grew on me and I perfected dancing in the big costumes. My accents while still atrocious had gotten better or so the director said. 

The practice had been for three months shorter than some performances I had been in but longer than others. Some of the actors and actresses around me had started as pitchy nightmares and were now able to hold a note. The fact we could put this all together in a couple of months had lefts me in awe when I had first started. Then to find out that after only a few days it was all torn down made me want to weep.

My friend stood next to me and I sent them a smile. The smile they sent back was much more uneasy as it was only their second show. They knew what was going to happen but like me weren’t quite ready. I had convinced them to join this show due to it being shorter than their last for they had complained about how long their first show had been.

I looked around as the lights flickered to signal the audience to quiet. The audience of parents and friends all there to support someone. Then there were the people who came just for the love of watching someone perform, I understood those people best. Watching someone who had practiced for months pour their heart into there work was simply magical. 

The people who had come for friends and family had flowers in their lap. I could see my friends a couple of rows in if I squinted enough. I never felt more loved than when they came to see me make a fool of myself on stage just because it was me. They would have never thought twice about seeing it if I wasn’t in it but I was and I will try to make it an experience to remember for them.

Some people in the audience would never understand the inner workings of these productions. I pity those people. They will never understand the exhaustion after a day of practice and then still going home and practicing more due to your love and dedication to the show. They won’t know the people working on the tech or even the people who set up their chairs. 

That’s why I could never do set or tech. I craved the attention of the audience. They didn’t even think twice about the people who had gotten their food or who made the set. The set people spent hours making props only for them to be given away after the show or be thrown away.

The girls who were so freaked out now had some of the biggest smiles on their faces. It seems they were pursued that everything was going to be fine. Everyone had final checks in the mirrors to make sure their makeup and hair were perfect. 

The director told us all to break a leg. I held back laughter when I remembered when we had to say break an egg in a performance. When two people break legs during production you know better than to push your luck.

Everyone got into their spot and the nerves grew to a bursting point but I knew when the first note was sung all of that would go away. That’s another thing I loved the fact that all of these nerves would just be a distant happy memory when all of this was done. The performance won’t be remembered by how many lines I had but instead the fun I had while I was performing. 

I waited in anticipation as the curtains slowly made their way up. The spotlight blinding us into looking into the audience. The sea of faces that I wouldn’t remember. We all wait for the music to start. The reason I loved theater and the nerves that came with it was when the first note was sung it all started and ended in a happy blur.