One of life's victims

 The wind blew like a gale and the snowflakes which Sarah had always found so romantic and exciting seemed to grow bigger and more perishing by the second. The coldness they produced proved daunting and lonely almost frightening. Indeed as it fell all around you it almost seemed to draw you into a place you really did not want to be. As there Fathers coffin was lowered into the ground Sarah shed one solitary tear for the man who had run her life for so many years. At last she was free no more obligations just her chance to grab a real life. She had been an unpaid carer for ten years shopping, doctors appointments, insulin, dog walking it had all fallen on her slender shoulders. But now even the graveyard that was always so dark even in summer, the unexplained noises you never could identify, and even the visitors and funeral guests no one else ever admitted to seeing could not touch her anymore. SHE WAS FREE.

Her Brother Billy had not been able to cope with their fathers exacting standards. He had packed his bags and gone travelling straight after dropping out of university. Getting a job starting a family stopping smoking all the instructions were to much Billy wanted his life. So without a thought for Sarah he was off.

Until today that is. Her long lost brother had reassured Sarah that he would be at the funeral and that this time he was staying around. Was it really so wrong to feel excited at a funeral she wondered. She was going to see her nieces for the first time. All those Christmas cards Birthday cards sleepovers, first day at school she had missed did not matter. She had plenty of time to catch up on being the doting aunty. She racked her brains for memories of her mother when she was younger, would the two girls look like her. She reached into her pocket for a tissue this really was such an emotional day on so many levels. Had her brother changed much? Would Sarah recognise him? Of course she would she reasoned he was family. Oh god they had so much to talk about so many memories to recall and tales to tell. She laughed to herself as she remembered how embarrassed her brother had been when she had been chosen to play for the same football team as him. How terrified he was of swimming and how Sarah refused to give in until he was brave enough to swim with her. All the nightmares she had of monsters and ghosts she would always wake up with Billy holding her hand.

As the mourners tucked into there ham sandwiches and sausage rolls Sarah glanced nervously around the room. She could identify most of the people by name. The sad thing was Sarah pondered, that she would probably never see some of them again. There were around 100 people crammed into the village hall identifying Billy was not going to be easy. The prospect of wandering up to a stranger at her fathers funeral and asking them if they were her brother was a non- starter luckily she realised that. Her mind was creating all kinds of scenarios had there been an accident, surely they must have got the date right between them. Sarah noticed with embarrassment that she had started sneezing. Ever since she was a child whenever she was frightened, happy, sad, or excited she had sneezed loud enough for people to think the world was ending. This could go on for a good hour whenever it happened Sarah wished she could melt away into a corner somewhere.  She checked her phone there were no messages. Surely today of all days her life could be stress free, she had done her duties admirably over the last number of years. In truth when she thought about it she had held the family together since they were both at school. While Billy ran around town with every girl he found, smoking his dope and begging money from his parents, Sarah stayed at home keeping them company and doing exams that would prove ultimately pointless. It was made clear to her at 18 that she was expected to look after parents. Any chance of having a career was going to have to wait. Sarah was starting to get worried and a little bit scared now. Where the hell was that brother of hers.

 The mourners were starting to pass on their condolences and drift away, the nightmare day should be over. Sarah should be sat drinking a very large G&T with her beloved brother. She wished Nick was with her she missed him so much every day. There was not a day passed when she even started to forget about him. With his calm manner, his curly blond hair broad shoulders and beautiful eyes, he had been all she wanted in a man. Nick’s beautiful manners and soft Irish accent seemed to compliment Sarah’s red hair and fiery temperament perfectly. Sarah would never forget the day she had literally knocked him off his feet while trying to negotiate a busy train. He had seen how stressed she was, sat her down bought her a coffee and made the rest of the trip a pleasure. They were both 24 and with a joint interest in rock music and Charles Dickens they had soon become inseparable. They spent nine months both of them dreaming of a life with no shackles. With Nick in the army and Sarah chained to her family it was never easy. But they made the most of any time together concerts, picnics, Nick even took her away for the weekend. This had caused a major row with her father but Sarah was so happy she was past caring. As far as Sarah was concerned Nick was the rock she had been searching for. Unfortunately his wife and young family felt the same. Sarah had never suspected any of this and it left her with a hole in her heart and such a deep feeling of worthlessness as only she knew. She carried on with her duties at home but her spark had gone, she became angry and resentful. The protective wall she built around herself was understandable just very very sad. She rarely went out and the conversation’s with her father were brief and with very little feeling.

Sarah was trying to keep a logical clear head. Her brother was somewhere close and it seemed like he may need her help. What was she to do? Go home sit and wait, phone the police or go to his home? No the last idea was a non- starter her brother would have been there if possible. He would not miss the chance to make sure his nemesis had left him in peace at last. She tried ringing him for what felt like the hundredth time still no answer. This made no sense and she had no one left in the world to help her get to the bottom of it. As she drove carefully home, Sarah smiled within an hour or so everything would make sense and she could start making plans. But for now what she needed more than anything was a large G&T, that always seemed to work in times of stress. It had been a long emotional day, far worse than she imagined it could ever have been. To her amazement she had even found herself with fond memories of her father. She could see him now dressed as Father Christmas or helping her build a snowman. For the first time in years she could smell his cigars and Old Spice aftershave. As Sarah sat there with her third drink she suddenly realised how exhausted she was, if she was to have a nap here on the sofa she would be there when Billy knocked in the door.

The next she knew it was 7 AM she was starving hungry and in desperate need of a strong dose of caffeine. Sarah groaned as the memories of yesterday began to re-appear, the weather had not improved and it felt 2 degrees colder. She stumbled to her feet she needed to be ready for today. She needed answers and for once she was going to take charge there was no one else here anymore it was her against the world. An hour later Sarah felt ready for action. She was pumped by a mixture of adrenaline and caffeine so hyper in fact she could have run for prime minister. She put on the local news and started by checking her e-mails there was nothing there to help her make sense. Next she checked the local news web sites had there been any accidents once again no. Just the usual charity fundraisers, Jam making recipes oh and some poor old lady had lost her beloved dog. She then checked the local news for where Billy lived as expected it was a fruitless search. If anything had happened to her brother perish the thought, why did his family not answer the phone. Sarah paused and asked herself what her father would be saying to her right now. She went into deep thought as she heard her father describe Billy as weak spineless a coward and a charlatan. She had often rowed with him over his description of her brother. But she now realised his father knew him better than anyone. Billy never had and never would accept responsibility it frightened him. That’s what yesterday was all about her brother could not cope with the pressure of being required to step up and be a man. As these awful thoughts grew and grew Sarah was sneezing so loud and so often that she was in real danger of blowing the garden fence down. The weather had brightened up and Sarah decided that what she needed most was fresh air and a clear head. She wandered round the streets and fields she knew so well. She looked in shop windows at all the lovely colours and ornaments. She made a mental note to get the house cleared and decorated. New start new hope she reasoned. She had lived in that house all her life and for the past five or six years she had used it as a care home doctors surgery and office…or so it seemed. She was quite pragmatic about it. If it really was that her brother could not cope who was she to question that, at least she would be settled.

She returned home around two hours lately. The heating was on and the coffee still smelt good. There were no messages for her. What did she expect from that useless piece of s***. She hoped for his sake he did not turn up at the door, the mood she was in she would really not be responsible for her actions. She remembered how her brother once stood by and watched as the school bully knocked seven piles of C*** out of his little sister. He never got involved as he said it would make the situation worse for everyone, including him. Typical Billy first sign of trouble and he was like an Olympic sprinter. She was disturbed from her thoughts by the sound of post arriving. She picked it all up bereavement cards bills and mysteriously a blank postcard from somewhere in Spain. No writing at all just a typed label with her address. And then Sarah saw two envelopes still in the door she really must get that letter box fixed. Sarah got an impending sense of doom you always seem to get just before your life is turned upside down. The first envelope was in her fathers handwriting. She knew that because she was the only one able to read it.

There was no letter or note just a legal looking document. Sarah took it out and began reading, she went deathly white and her knees buckled under her. She read it three times but there was no mistake. Sarah had in fact been adopted as a baby. All these years of lies and betrayals, the people she called her parents were in fact strangers. And even after all the years of deceit they could not be brave enough to sit her down and explain this life changing time bomb. Oh no they wait until they are both dead then post her birth certificate. She could hear the old man she had always called dad using one of his favourite phrases

“Least said soonest mended”

Sarah’s hands were shaking and her mouth was bone dry but she understood the importance of the second envelope. Somehow she managed to open it and began reading. With each line there were louder sobs and wails surely this was a practical joke or she had read it wrong. There was no mistake. Billy had always known about Sarah been adopted. Now both his parents were dead the inheritance passed to the one surviving relative. HIM. He thanked her for all her help over the years. Billy then informed her the house would be going up for sale that weekend, and could she please leave it ready to be viewed.

Sarah had just faced the ultimate double betrayal. She had always been one of life’s victims. And as it said on the headstone no one ever read

Sarah Alice Woodthorpe. To good for this harsh world.