Crowded- Loneliness

CROWDED-LONELINESS

"Love is an illusive thing of the mind. It only exist in the heart and brain of those who sitting down and ponder on it", this's the philosophy of life I was born to know of love, which I also grew old with, even all thru my teenage years till my early twenties, that is from my thirteen years of age to my twenty-two years of age, before my soul came in contact with true love, and I beheld her pretty glittering and shining light of engrossment shining so bright to my path, shining so bright to my heart, making me feel pale at beholding her beautiful glory with my pride, and causing me to bow myself to her engross and worship at her court as a when a penitent sinner receives salvation from his Christ. I beheld her and discovered that she wasn't really an illusive thing of a man's mind as I was taught of her, which later became my life's philosophy till my early twenties.

I could remember in those teenage years of my life to my early twenties before I came to the un-illusive glorious light of love, when I and my pals will be together discussing how our future relationship will be like, that is what kind of woman we were going to have as our spouse, what characteristics she was going to possess before we see her worthy of being our lady, and so on. I could remember some of those statements we used to say to one another when the subject of love do pop-up in our discussion process. Statements like I can never do anything for a woman. Who's she that I should suffer for,or even risk my life for hers? What does she possess in her body that other women do not have that I should suffer for her, or even risk my life for hers? I will kick her out of my life and house if she dear mess with me, and then find another woman to replace her vacant space in my heart and house. I can never tolerate any rubbish from a woman, nor to even think of going the extra mile of being ready to lay down my life for her. God forbid me to do such a thing to myself! Those who have done that with the senseless statement of 'love blinded my eyes that's why I did it for her' are senseless people, and I can never join myself to the wagon of the senseless people of this world and become a senseless soul like them.

This philosophy I did held so greatly that even when I'm around other people off my age grade, in the likes of my elderest brother's wife whose name I retain from my story, and this issue of my future relationship with my spouse will rise for us to discuss on it, almost all I could share with her in relation to my future life with my spouse was this my life's philosophy. Howbeit, whenever I share this my life philosophy of love with her what she do reply me was "the reason you're sayings all of these is because you haven't met anyone whom you do love. Wait, when you've grown and have met the person whom you love you will surely do even more than what you say that you can't do for a woman for her". And when she is through with this reply of hers to me I will reply her by saying " see aunty, let me make you understand something, I'm not like those senseless men who says love have blinded my eyes that's why I'm doing this I can't do for a woman a normal woman for her. There's no power of love on this earth that is capable of blinding my eyes till the point of I joining the wagon of these senseless men who say it's because of love that I'm doing this for her, and it's because of love I'm doing that for her, even to the point of some bringing themselves low to the point of washing a woman underwear. It's very impossible for that to happen to me. I can never join the wagon of the senseless soul who says love have made me a fool. I can never be a fool on this earth". And when I'm thru replying her with this statement she will reply me by saying " let's wait till then" and I'll reply her by saying "ok", but within me I'll be saying to myself "this woman thinks that I can be broken so easily by some trash. She doesn't know whom I'm".

My pride held so high, my philosophy of life about love dwelling so great in my heart as the king of Kings of my life till my age of twenty-two years when I met glorious glittering and shining light of love, shining so bright to my path, shining so bright to my heart, and making me feel pale and I bow to her sight.

O! That glorious night. I remember that night. I'll never forget that night when my soul came in contact with love, and my eyes saw that she was real, and not an illusive thing of the mind, and my kneels bow to worship at her court as a penitent sinner who just receive salvation from her Christ. O! That night. Glorious night of my life. Still glorious in mind till now, and this is true and I don't lie.

I could remember that night, walking with this Pretty lady name Ifunanya, whose meaning of her name is also Love. In she I found the light of my love.

I could remember walking home with her, that's we were coming back from the choir practice. I didn't really like walking with her because in exception of my life's philosophy, to me "she wasn't my class of girls I should like". This's because despite the fact that I'm a little "churchy boy" to say, I still have my memory of what I like and what I dislike within me. For when I'd say I've surrender my life to Christ and I'm dead to the world with him I didn't meant that my brain was being removed from my skull and placed on a dig soil of the earth, and then other soil of the earth were being used to cover it. I only meant that I've decided to do away with the evil doings which his book did spoke against me doing it. Therefore, memory of like and dislike is still with me to know what I like and what I dislike. And when it comes to what I'd dislike in a woman, I dislike ladies who are too "churchy" that's over religious in nature till the point of letting her hair-shave to be covering her ears, when walking and talking she does it so slowly and calmly like a snail which doesn't has a bone in its body, and with many more other "churchy, churchy girls" nature which you do see around you I do dislike in a woman.

Also, as a very slim guy I don't really like ladies who are big or chubby in nature then oo, because I'm afraid that if they fall on me that's going to be the easy way of me receiving a quick travelling ticket from God into his kingdom. And more also, with my life's philosophy of how I wanted to treat my lady in the future, that's not taking any "rubbish" from her, it was highly a very dangerous thing for me to go and say " love makes me to go blind that I went and carry a big or chubby woman unto myself with my body size". This's why she wasn't the girl of my class.

Howbeit, as a result of trying to make my choir master happy in which he told me I should walk with her, protect her with my life, and then learn to relate with her as a gentleman will do to a pretty lady I had to compel myself to walk with her that night. Notwithstanding, exalting my life's philosophy of how I was going to treat any woman that comes into my life in the future so high to the point of making her to walk at the express way side while I walked at the side off the express way, with the motive that if something bad was going to happen to between both of us like a reckless driver driving recklessly to hit either she or me it was going to be she and not me that the driver was going to hit while I will either run away or jump off it to save my life.

O! That glorious moment of love, precious like the rising morning sunshine in my sight. O, how marvellous was that moment when I came in contact with her glittering and shining light that knocked me to my kneels, causing me to worship her as a grateful penitent sinner who just receive forgiveness from all his sin from his Christ. Hmmm! That moment. I can't forget that moment of my life when my life's philosophy was being changed by love, and my sight was being opened to see that she isn't an illusive thing of the mind as I was being taught of her. She is really real, and is only an illusive thing of the mind to those who haven't really encounter her.

As we were walking and talking together, trying to know a little about each other (with my hypocrisy gentleman nature held so high in my heart) when she began talking to me, every words of hers began sounding like the voice of God, so sweet and great, tranquilizing my depression and fear till the point of I not knowing minute I told her to leave the express way side she was walking to the side I was walking while I walk at the express way side, for I was ready to lay down my life for love, and I'm still ready to do so for her and even do more of that for if life requires it.

Few weeks came and gone, and we were separated from each other to two separate world, though, not off earth. She went back to her school which is in her state to complete her higher institution learning while I also went down to my state to start my study in my high institution.

Down in my state and high school, a pretty one in nature, filled with so many Pretty ladies from all works of life, some so gorgeous in nature to the point of capable of causing a man desire querying God if he did used the heavens beautiful firmaments to create them, or what did he use to create them that they are so beautiful as they are looking, my eyes flip through all of them to see if I can find the pretty flames of love I did see in my princess eyes before coming down here I find but non. Monday to Sunday, almost every minute of hour in the institution is filled with one enticing activities of life of another, capable of getting a man's attention to it side (from school party to religious program etc.) all of it I behold and o, they seems to me as a dry play, having no enticing thing in itself to entice a man to it side because my babe girl isn't close to me to view it also and share her opinion about it with me.

Every minute of the day, every moment of life, my soul is brought close to the many pretty ladies of my school and state, but looking into their eyes I see only but a woman standing before me. The flaming fire of love which shine so bright and fine into my heart, tranquilizing my depression and fears of life when my princess smiles at me they all lack.

Pretty enticing cheeks they all have, but looking in-between the spaces of their teeth when it shines at me the uncountable precious earth treasure I see in my love own they all lack. Beautiful and enticing in sight they all are, but when finding myself around them dark and vague their world seems to me in my heart.

Sitting with pals and those pretty ones every night and day to see if I can fill myself off this vague room of my soul, my mind preaches to my ears "you need your love. it's only she that can fill this empty spaces of your heart".

My world seems so lonely to me, though I'm surrounded with so many Pretty ones who present their proposal of being mine on daily basis to me, even some willing and ready to sacrifice their resources and comfort for me, if only but I'll accept their proposal.

I feel I'm falling from the heaven to the earth, because my princess isn't at my side to shine her pretty light of love in my heart which tranquilize my pains and loneliness , bringing revival to my spirit.

 I feel I'm drowning in an ocean of loneliness which I can't tell when I will reach it depth.

O, let someone come to my aid, call me my princess because I'm dying slowly in this crowded world of loneliness.