Lonely Leads to Lethal

Dear Universe, 3/3/24

This is weird. I know that I’m too old to be starting a journal but I found this random notebook and it’s pretty so I have to do something with it. My name is Kora, because apparently my parents wanted me to struggle in school, and I’m a junior at Lugoff High School. I’ve been going there my whole life so you’d think I’d have some friends but no. I want to connect with people, I really do, but I don’t know what to say or do and when I do say something, it’s usually the wrong thing. It doesn’t bother me too much. When I have to hang out with the other kids, for like group projects and stuff, they remind me real fast that I’m better off by myself. I like going home and reading and that’ll be fine for now. Mom says college will be different. She said “You’ll find your tribe.” But I’m not Native American so I have no clue what she’s talking about. But I don’t want this thing to be a ‘woe is me’, whiny time journal. So I guess that’s it for now.

Dear Universe, 3/9/24

It’s a sunny day so Mom told me to go outside and do something. So here I am. Doing something. Blah Blah Blah.

Oh, ok, I guess last time I wrote that I like books. I can write about that. I like fantasy books but not like over the top stuff. I like the strong female characters kicking butt and stuff. I’m nothing much IRL but these girls in my books save the world, get a really hot guy, have lots of people who pay attention to them. It’s really cool. I’d like to do something like that but I just read about it. My favorite is about a girl who is poor and skinny like me but she gets kidnapped by this thing called a fae which is like this really hot guy who is magic and stuff. She has to be smart and get away and there’s all these new creatures and it’s just really fun. There’s a bunch of books in the series so I don’t ever get bored with it. Sometimes, I think that I only like books so I can escape this reality. I don’t know. Whatever, I guess that’s it for now.

Dear Universe, 3/15/24

So, I haven’t had anything to talk about but now I do. There’s a guy! I was leaving the library and across the street is a gas station and he was just sitting out there. It was just like in my books, we locked eyes and he just smiled and walked over!! His name is Sam and he’s tall and has dark hair (again just like my fae guys! It’s fate!) and he said I’m pretty, which was nice or whatever. We talked about stuff for a minute and then he asked for my number! I know Mom says never talk to strangers but that’s for kids. And he is so nice and kept saying nice things like how pretty I am and he likes my hair, which no one ever says even though I try my best with it. So yeah, ok, I gave him my number and we’ve been texting! This is just so exciting! Ahhhh! Ok, bye! 😊

Dear Universe, 3/16/24

Ok, look. I know it sounds fast but Sam and I are going out tonight! I’m sitting in my room and I can’t stop sweating and jiggling my leg. I’ve never been on a date before. I told him that too because again I always say the wrong thing but you know what he said? He said he likes that! Because then he doesn’t have any pressure to live up to! Wow! We’ve been texting for two days now and it’s like nonstop. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone before. He’s so sweet and says how special I am, which is totally cliché but between you and me, Universe, I really really really like it. He’s going to knock on my window since Mom would never let me actually go out with him. Not that I can’t date but he’s a bit older than me, like college age, so she would totally go nuts. Sam is going to knock on my window when he’s here, just like in a movie! I’m so nervous! But he’s so fun and great and honestly, I haven’t even picked up a book in two days since I’ve started talking to him! I feel like-

Oh, he’s here! Ahhhhh ok, that’s it for now!

Dear Universe, 3/17/24

So. Surprise! I’m an idiot. I thought he was into me. We had a great time at dinner and we walked around after. I told him about my books and he asked me good questions about myself, which no one ever, ever does. He didn’t even want to talk about himself like everyone else usually does. He just kept asking about me. I ended up telling him how I’ve never been on a date before or even been kissed and guess what? He loved that! He really did. I thought it was a bad thing but he just kept saying how perfect I am. He even made a joke when I asked what I was perfect for. He just shrugged and said ‘men’. I laughed because sure, ok. And when I mentioned that my parents were leaving the next day for a long weekend just the two of them, he got super excited. That’s where it went wrong. He just kept asking about coming over and I said no because I know my parents wouldn’t want him inside and I was honestly just scared because I’ve never been alone with a boy before. He started getting handsy and putting his hands on my waist or my hips and then my face and I’m sorry, Universe, but I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and I slapped his hands away and said I was going home. I guess that was the wrong answer because he got really mad. Really, really mad. So I bolted. I am so embarrassed! I haven’t even texted him but he hasn’t text me either. I just came home and cried and when my parents left this morning, I just acted like I was still asleep. Now it’s like late and dark and I wish they were here but…

Omg he’s here! He’s in the house. I’m hiding in my closet. I dropped my phone in the kitchen when I heard a crash. I went to see and when I pulled the curtain back there was his face omg there was his face and more faces and they were pushing on the back door. I ran to my room to get out the window but it was stuck so I hid in here. There’s light coming from under the door so I’m just writing bc what else can I do there’s nothing I can do what do I do now why are they here what did I do wrong they’re opening the doors and yelling my name shit shit theyre here for me why are they here for me what did I do wrong why are they so mad fuck they don’t even sound mad they sound excited god that’s worse somehow that’s worse

Mom I love you so much I love you and I am so sorry im so hard to be around and not the daughter I know you wanted and im crying on my paper now and shaking so hard its hard to write bc theyre closer shit I hear them in my room mommy theyre here. Mommy theyre

Dear Universe, 3/25/24

This is Shelley, Kora’s mom. Please bring my baby home. I found this in her closet when we got home. Universe, can you guess how it feels for a mother to come home expecting to see her baby and instead sees a house completely wrecked, a back door kicked in, and my daughter nowhere to be found? Do you know what true panic and fear is? I do now. I know a fear so strong the world around me tilts. Nothing is in focus. I can’t even describe the sound that escaped me when I found this journal in her closet and read it. I read about my child being in terror before being ripped from my world. I read how my little girl thinks I feel about her. Do you have any way of understanding the absolute abyss I fell into imagining that my baby girl is going through the worst things possible thinking I didn’t adore her? That she wasn’t the center of my world? That I wouldn’t trade places with her in an instant if I could? The pain I feel. I keep waiting for the numbness that tv show victims describe but there’s no end to this vortex of agony. And I know why. As long as she is hurting, so am I. Mothers are connected to their babies, you see. So thanks for that, Universe.

Bring her back to me. Now. Now. NOW BRING HER BACK TO ME BRING HER BACK TO ME I NEED HER I NEED MY BABY I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE

Dear Universe 3/27/24

This is a clipping the local paper did. Barely an article. My world is torn apart like a violent act of God and She is a blurb in a shitty paper.

Lugoff, SC- Earlier this week, Kora Sims, a junior at Lugoff High, was taken from her home. Witnesses say she was on a date with a boy the night she was taken but there are no other leads. Her home did not have any cameras nor is there any footage from the streets as the backdoor was used for entry. The assailants are still at large.

That’s it. That’s what they have to say. And yes, I know I should have cameras. I was getting to it. But where’s the call to action for Kora? How do I rally for her? The cops won’t return my calls anymore. They just say they are doing all they can with what they have. What a bullshit answer. They have nothing to work with! None of us do! But what else can we do? I’m not giving up on her. I’ll never give up on her.

Dear Universe, 3/31/24

Looks like my baby girl got her headline after all.

Missing Girl Found Walking Away from Murder Scene.

By: Francis Gillmore, Staff Writer for Lugoff Chronicles

Kora Sims, missing since March 17th 2024 has been found. She was found covered in blood walking down Highway 1 on March 30th at 2am. A truck driver noticed her and immediately called the authorities. Kora was cooperative and told them the address of the cabin where she was being held. Once there, the police officers came upon a grisly scene. The two men who abducted Kora were lying in bloody heaps in the cabin. The police say the guns on the counter were untouched. No shots were fired inside the home. The cabin was owned by the father of one of the victims.

More to come as this story unfolds.

Dear Universe, 4/3/24

Isn’t that newspaper clip some shit? Men always get to be the victims. It’s me, Kora. I’m back. What a whirlwind it’s been, huh? Let’s fill in some gaps because my therapist tells me it’s better to get everything out. I don’t know why she keeps saying this. I’ve been very open about what happened. Well, kind of.

So, Sam and his friend took me. His friend’s name was Zach. They grabbed me and drugged me and stuffed me into a car and took me to that stupid cabin. It wasn’t even a good cabin. One bedroom and a bathroom in the hall. First they had me tied to the bed and I spent countless days there. It was painful because there are only so many ways to shift your body weight. The fear kept me going though. Sam would come in and just stare for hours. I stopped trying to talk him into letting me go after a few days. He never touched me, only himself, which was almost as terrifying. The suspense of if they would kill me or rape me was choking me. But then they got into a fight because Sam said he wanted to do some things to me. Said he earned it. Zach kept yelling about how someone called The Buyer would be pissed. The Buyer wanted me untouched. So they compromised and moved me to the broom closet next to the bathroom. Such gentlemen. When they moved me, they tied my hands behind my back with rope and then Sam basically pushed me all the way to the closet. But I’m quiet, not stupid. So when we left the bedroom, I looked at as much as I could as fast as I could. They were playing video games in the living room (which I already knew since they were so loud when they played), the two guns they did have were on the counter by the fridge on the opposite side of the cabin, their backs would be to the broom closet.

Then I was shoved inside. I barely had room to spin in a full circle and it was completely dark. I felt around and there was a mop and broom, a bucket, some jugs, and rags. I sat down and immediately started moving my arms and wrists back and forth. The rope was flimsy and I could feel it fraying. That was agonizingly slow. In books, the heroine always solves things so quickly but this took days. They didn’t notice the ropes getting slack because I would hold them together when they would let me out to use the bathroom. They would sometimes feed me but I think they forgot to a lot. They really didn’t think I was a threat. That was fine. I used that.

I waited until the game was really loud and I grabbed the broom with my tied hands. Setting it at an odd angle in the corner, I waited until a particularly loud explosion and leaned hard, breaking the handle. Using the sharpened end, I cut at the ropes. The feeling of the ropes dropping was euphoric. It was now or never.

I yelled that I had to pee over and over until I heard Zach curse and get up. I braced myself as he got closer, gripping the pointed end of the broom with both hands. He opened the door and looked down at me, his scowl turning into confusion quickly. But he didn’t get a single word out before I used all my rage, adrenaline, fear, and body weight to thrust the splintered wood up and into his throat. I heard the rip and squish of flesh and felt the warmth of blood hit my face before I pushed him aside. Sam still had his headphones on and didn’t hear me approach. I got right behind him and put the bloodied point in his throat as well. I grabbed the headphones and threw them off so his internet friends wouldn’t hear his gurgles. Those were just for me. His wide eyes found mine as he flopped around on the chair. He garbled some wet sounds but I just tilted my head. He never responded to me all these days. I just showed him the same courtesy. After all, he’d earned it.

And with that I left. I told the police and my therapist all of this. The only part I left out…I enjoyed it. I hope I get to do it again.

So, I guess that’s it for now.