Heart rejects lostness of things-betrayal

He felt old while travelling through the train. Life would that to you. Those weeks which now rested heavily on his back. The hustle and bustle of the train resembled his heart's chaos. He was having difficulty while breathing in there. In front of him, sat a couple. The girl was sleeping and rested her head on the boy’s shoulder. She had a firm grip on the boy's hand. Maybe she was afraid of letting go too. Many days have passed but still it seemed liked that every other person was reflecting his state. His miserable state. Oh, what a whirlwind of events his life has been. His breathing sounded ragged even to his own ears.

His mind wandered to the thoughts he had before boarding the train. Few minutes were left for the arrival of train when he had decided to close his eyes. With laptop in his hands his fingers had hovered over the folder. He had taken a moment to think about her. To think that He will never get rid of the feeling of wanting her, having to lose her and this reality of living without her. He can never separate her from his existence. The very thought of it provoked him to rip off his hair and then fall from a cliff. She was everything he couldn’t have. She had felt like a sin. Maybe he didn’t deserve her but no matter what he can’t get his heart to come in terms with this realisation. Hearts refused this, mind rejected it.

She was a beautiful devil. How many times his family and friends had warned him. Warned him to stay away from her. Save his miserable heart from her devilish beauty. He was accused of getting attached too much. He did not listen and now his fingers twitched again. Her absence has allured him to hate others, her departure to torture himself and her memories to get solace in smoking. He had been told that if he won’t stop, he would not live.

It’s going to be dawn soon he had thought and it would be cold outside but then again, his heart had not felt warm since her. Not his heart his body too. His fingers had twitched again. He had wanted to do it so badly but the last night’s events were still fresh in his mind, just like her scent. That scent of peace. Everything eventually leads to her. He had thought.

His mother had paid him a visit last night. Previously she had relied on phone calls but now after Evan's visit she said that that she had had to come. But why? Now he knew the answer too. He believed that they had done something to her so he would not accept their sympathy. He had said he was fine just to get mom off his back. but No, not so fine without her. Deep down he knew this. But he was living. His mother had begged him to forget. How could he! How can they say it! If it was so easy to forget. He had shouted at his mom. Saw those tears dripping down her cheeks, had wanted to wipe them but no. they had made him bleed, now they should too. Now when he thinks of that night, he felt bad. What has she not done for him! She had done more than what a real mom would do.

But his thoughts had wandered off to her again. He laughed at this fact now. She was a beautiful drug; every drag of which when hit your body accompany you towards the world of ecstasy. She made hell sound like a better place. Her voice would lull the devils into following her and worship her. Yet she was his but not now. Cold sweat had gathered at his brow his fingers had twitched he really needed one at that time.

She had disappeared as quickly as she had come. From the very first moment of meeting her at the club… Now when he thinks of it, all sounded like a coincidence. A person dancing wildly had spilled martini over his black denim shirt and she had proposed to help him, had taken out a towel big enough from her bag and had tried best to clean him. That was their first night together. They went to his house. They had a lavishing night. The best night of his life. He did not usually do casual hook-ups. After his weird childhood. Stop he chided to himself. no, don’t go there too. She was gone the next morning. He had missed her already. Then again, he had met her at the club next night. It soon became a routine. He remembered the day they met at cafe. she was worried because she had no job. He had begged his father technically foster father to give her one.

Then came the terrible night. When he was remembering all this, he had realised that Train was going to be here soon. People had gathered at the station. But that night was something he could never forget, so he remembers it now again. Uncle Shane, a life-long friend of his father had came barging into his house that night. Had asked him about her. He had never liked him anyway and the slap that came after had reaffirmed this fact to him again. they had been together for 5 weeks then. Her presence had soothed his existence. He had felt that this was the moment he had been waiting for is whole life. She was the one for him. She would cook when he would come home. She would dance on sweet tones. She loved to. He would have promised the world to her. They had drunk so much that night. Uncle Shane said he had found him passed out on the couch. Not from alcohol he had said but from a drug. he does not do drugs at least not then so he did not believe him. His eyes were blazing with anger. He had asked him about his laptop through which he helped his father to run security of company. He had slurred something but darkness had enveloped him before he could get make out anything of his surroundings. No, he was not there in the morning. He had thanked God that he was not. He had come to his senses in the morning with his cheek stinging and brain in a druggy haze. this all had been told to him through someone else’s mouth days later. he had chucked two aspirin which were waiting on his bed side table with a glass of water and had moved towards the living room. Her smile didn’t greet him when he came downstairs. he had not remembered my encounter with uncle Shane that time. It was all bits and pieces for him.

She was not there. Where was she! She was not there. His mind had shouted. Just her absence advanced him into panic mode. Without her life felt withering. his brother had sat at the chair in the kitchen nursing a steaming mug of coffee. he remembers feeling a shiver running down his spine. He had stepped out of shadows. Something was wrong. His shady business he never got to know about. He had heard my soft steps on the carpet and had turned to his direction. he couldn’t decipher that look. It was pity. No way! He had something to do with her disappearance. My flower, my life. My breathing hitched. I wanted to curse out loud, freaking pour out all profanities on him. He was the very definition of a cold man, he claimed to love me, care for me but he had a weird way of showing it. I lunged towards him, knew that I had no chance. He had me down in an instant. Had me pinned to the couch in an instant, had Shown him pictures of her. She wore blonde hair in those pictures, had a dominant aura. But she was her. Yet very different. But photos could easily be Photoshop these days. And his brother wanted him to believe what he showed. His brother Had told him that she had taken my laptop and now information of dad's company was at risk. The lies. Always the lies. He had ripped that photos off. Grabbed car keys from the table but couldn’t make out of the garage doors. Four meats arms had detained him and after that he been confined to the premises of his home. Till last night, when he was able to get to out of the house.

He could never believe his brother. He was telling a lie. he knew that his brother was used to getting his own way since the childhood. They say that from within family comes the deep wounds. He had felt it. They had never liked her from the beginning. It was as if they hated seeing him happy.

he closed by eyes again. Did I even get a full night sleep after that? He thought. Not that he could remember. In the last few days his house had felt like the hell passed over it. he had ripped out everything. Things laid broken there now. Every photo of her in the house dragged him to hell, from which he couldn’t get out. he had cried for days. How could he believe them? She had lived with him. She was flawless. Would never even kill a bug. Afraid of thunderstorms. They say she used him. Everything had felt so much real with her. Her body pressed to mine had proved something else. It wasn’t betrayal. She loved him. He had seen that in her eyes. In The twinkling of her bright green eyes. he had felt that. In the haze of ecstasy. In everything. how she loved their pillow talk. If it was on her she could go on for the whole night. And they say she used him for her benefit. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. No. He cannot like without her.

No, he will find her, no he can not forget her, and he will know the truth. My electronics were confiscated after that night. They had known a bigger truth which I had not. And now I know why. He had managed to get out of the house. It was pretty easy if he thinks back. One secret friend of his had researched her. Told him that truth resides in the folder. His eyes had spoken volumes he when he had handed over the laptop. He wanted to ignore all that. He had taken some money from him too. Truth. How it stung. How much it bought pain. Thank god for the poison he had bought. Thank god he had poured it into his veins because he couldn’t resist doing that after opening that folder. He had boarded into the train in that conflict of emotions.

When he had settled in a window seat, he thought that He didn’t have to live. She was not what she had appeared to be. Everything was fake. The angel was a ruthless devil. She wanted to deny him his life; had been there for it. she was a cop. she wanted to destroy his family; had gone to great extents to accomplish her tasks. He couldn’t breathe. He had read a little from the file and was unable to read any further. He had closed it. Now it didn’t matter. Everything was fading away. The train reflected his miserable journey of life.

He broke out from the trail of events of his past when he realised that Train has stopped minutes ago. The young couple was now where to be seen. People were rushing towards the exit and it was already empty inside. His heart too.

He wanted to stand but his eyes fell onto the beautiful valley outside the station. He had bought the ticket without checking the location. It was a hill station, sight breath taking. Yeah it was difficult to breathe. Oh, how much he had suffered, how much he had wanted to be happy. What had he not given her? One stray tear left his eye and travelled to his hand on his lap. His life wasn’t beautiful but the scene outside was. He wanted to trap this scene his eyes. Oh, how his eyelids dropped shut as if mechanically. yet He was unable to keep his eyes off the beautiful mountains, standing tall despite the strict weather. Despite everything. Yes, they stood tall. He envies them. No, he couldn’t be gone. The weeping face of his mother came in front of his eyes. She would be devastated. After all that she had done for him. She didn’t deserve this. This is not the end she would have wanted for him. No, he could not stand disappointing her. All friends who had stayed despite of his old demons. Who had made future plans with him? And his mom. No not to her. With the little strength he had left he took out the phone, snapped the picture of those beautiful mountains, tapped the number and pressed sent. He knew it was all what was needed. She has wronged him now he will haunt her. The world faded to black. But he knew where he will open his eyes if fate gives him chance. With them surrounding him. With them who were by always by his side. Now he realised and he wished it would not be too late. He fell down and the last thing he saw was the scenery. Indeed, breath taking!