The Cool Morning Breezes Brushing My Cheeks

The cool breezes that are felt as the wind blows and is not too cold or too harsh. A chill makes goosebumps appear on my arms.

I stand there in amazement. I am feeling nostalgic over the memories flooding my morning thoughts and taking back to my childhood. I am transferred back to the fall mornings, standing at the bus stop waiting to be picked up for school.

"How is it that one moment can take you back to a place where you were happiest and feeling alive and free?" With the memories, you are placed in a time and place that you smile, because you relive the moment in vivid colors, and they leave you wrapping yourself in a self-hug.

Your eyes open. You feel the present moment and realize you allowed yourself to be swept away in the thoughts that were triggered by something that could hold you in its grasp for an eternity.

You relive a simpler time that was giving you things to think about, no matter what that may be, you still want to never forget those past memories. They are or were a part of you. They gave you so much and as you get older, are something you want to hold onto for dear life. Like your present self depends on those memories and losing them is not an option.

Then as you close your eyes once more, you are returned to many memories that come rushing in like a waterfall. The ski trips with the family, during your childhood and later on with your family, your own family and maybe your parents and siblings. Or the times you were hiking in the mountains or down by the beach running with the tides and swimming, you were wishing these moments would never end.

"How did the wind brushing on your cheeks bring back those memories that took you to the places you enjoyed most as a child and as an adult?" "You are there and still here in the present." "Is like an out of body experience."

You are physically in the here and now. You are also swept away into your deepest thoughts and the most sacred memories which grab you and hold onto you tightly. You feel like you are there once more but not sure if you want to disturb the moment, neither changing them nor wanting to become one with them either.

The very reality of this memory has you feeling DeJa'Vu as though you can feel, and you can smell, and can even reach out to touch those there in that moment. It is scary and yet invigorating. You feel alive as like never before. You are held in place even but for a minute and are seeing and hearing things as they happened on that day, all due to blowing of the wind and a rushing of adrenaline coursing through your veins.

Then you rush back to the present, as quickly as the moment has arrived so did it leave you and return you to where you are at present. It sends you into a whirlwind and makes you feel sad as you are now aware of no longer being there, but it was surely real enough.

The realism of past things can blend into or be blurred when time and space merge. You are not sure whether to be happy it has happened or become sadder at the idea of losing more of things you hold dearest and closest to your heart. These individual memories are part of your identity. They help you to better understand all that matters to you and what gives you a sense of belonging, both in life and in your own personal way of knowing who and what you are to yourself.

The moments that you cherish, the moments that keep you connected with the past and with those who have long since passed away, become harder to remember. They are broken down, pieces of them are missing and you search for them, but they are meant to be lost. They hold part of the key to the full picture. They become fragile and frail. They tear and rip, leaving a gap in the memory soon lost in whole.

You are happy to know you can still remember, and those memories are triggered by simple gestures. You smile as you realize you are now becoming less of what you were and in the present those memories are robbed of you and stolen from you by one that is like a thief in the night.

To say you will remember them and hold onto them gives you the reason for fighting to keep them stored in your mind, but you know the less you think of them, the less they will be there for you to remember.

Then the moment is gone, and you are saddened by the memory no longer considered to be part of your life and less available in detail. The moment you feel it and the moment you sense it, they are fleeting at best. You are less able to recall or less able to know what is and what was. The thin blurred lines are so less seen and more a guessing game of truth and of fiction.

You grasp at the memory the same way that the memory once grabbed a hold of you and made you feel alive. It was this memory or these memories that you held dearest, that were the first to leave your mind and not allow you to reclaim them once more.

You feel empty and left out for the memory was a priority in your mind and yet it becomes not so important, especially when you are hanging onto things that are replaced with things that are less important and never remembered unless they are part of your present day.

As you struggle with the present, the past is harder to deal with and less willing to play fair with the present. It fights for survival and will only give up when it has won the battle that it started in the first place.