Whale Watch

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe the whole trip was a bad idea.

Vanessa slumped in the tiny, gray bathroom stall, willing her stomach to stop churning. She wished for the bad taste to leave her mouth and the fear to fall away as well. The boat rocked again and Vanessa groaned.

Vanessa’s daughters had been looking forward to this trip to Cape Cod for weeks. It was to be Maddy’s birthday present, since all she wanted for her tenth birthday was to “play with my cousins!” Maddy and Kenny called Lucy and Lily their cousins and they referred to Vanessa’s college roommate and best friend as Aunt Jess. Vanessa loved how close the girls were, more like family than she’d ever been with her own actual cousins. Vanessa and Jess tried to get the girls together once or twice a year. It was hard to tell who had a better time-- four girls running around and playing or Vanessa and Jess finally getting a chance to sit down and catch up in person. Monthly phone calls and the occasional text weren’t enough for two women who’d lived together for four years. 

Vanessa had been looking forward to the trip, too. Last fall she’d returned to the classroom after staying at home while the girls were young. When Kennedy started her first day at Hill Valley Elementary, she did so down the hall from her mother’s first grade classroom. Vanessa was satisfied with the transitions-- herself morphing from stay-at-home mom to working mom and classroom teacher, and Kennedy changing from shy preschooler to happy kindergartener to now an outgoing almost-first grader. 

The hardest part for Vanessa had been the exhaustion. She’d somehow forgotten how much school took out of her. She loved reading aloud to her students, answering their questions, and helping them write stories. Meetings, paperwork, parent conferences, and all of the tiny decisions she had to make on a daily basis were mentally tiring. Helping the girls with homework and baths, fixing dinner, and cleaning up left Vanessa wiped out by bedtime. Jeff helped, but it didn’t seem to matter. The fatigue was ever-present.

The last month Vanessa had been more exhausted than ever. She’d nearly nodded off in a staff meeting, struggled to stay awake for the nightly news, and slept through her morning alarm twice. She chalked it up to “end of the year teacher tired,” and vowed to get some rest over the summer. Maybe get back to the gym and start joining her neighbor Kay for yoga once a week. Drink more water. That sort of thing.

Then the sickness started. On the last day of school Vanessa could barely sip her coffee. Her mouth had a familiar taste like old pennies. When had she felt like this before?

No.

Vanessa did the math in her head. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had her period, but at age forty-three, she thought maybe menopause was on its way. Did she have it at Easter? She thought so. But she couldn’t be pregnant, she told herself. Jeff’s surgery had been years ago. They had decided their family was complete. They should have been safe. 

When Vanessa opened the box of the home pregnancy test, her hands shook as she reviewed the directions. Lots of things change in reproductive technology, she thought to herself, but peeing on a stick stays the same.

Vanessa never waited for the suggested three minutes for the test to work. She didn’t take her eyes off the stick and found her mouth open in anticipation. She exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and smushed her lips together in a frown.

One line appeared almost immediately. This was the test line, which Vanessa knew was to be expected. She squinted at the stick. 

Was that something else forming? 

Yes. A second line emerged almost as quickly as the first. 

Vanessa gasped. She continued to stare at the stick until both lines shone brightly. 

“Wow.” Vanessa found herself sitting on the bathroom floor on the fluffy blue rug, hugging her legs. Tears leaked from her eyes and a wave of nausea hit her like a splash of dirty dishwater.

She collapsed over the toilet, vomiting.

And now she had just done the same thing, in a different bathroom in a different state. 

Vanessa checked her wristwatch. 9:27 AM. There was about another hour and a half left of the whale watch tour. She sighed and stood up, holding the stall door for balance. She washed her hands and dried them with a paper towel, avoiding her reflection in the mirror. 

What a day. And it wasn’t even 10 AM.

***

“Girls! Did you see it?” Jess bounced in her flip-flops and pointed toward the waves.

“Yes!” the girls squealed. 

Vanessa smiled as she moved to stand behind Maddy and Kenny. The sea was gorgeous that morning with the sun sparkling across the surface. The screams of sea birds and the salty smell in the air overwhelmed Vanessa’s senses. 

“Mommy!” said Kenny. “You were gone a long time.” Her big blue eyes made Vanessa’s own eyes tear up. 

“You OK?” asked Maddy, her mouth a straight line, her expression serious.

Jess, Lilly, and Lucy looked at Vanessa with expectant faces. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” said Vanessa. “Don’t worry about me. What did you see?”

“Two dolphins!” said Kenny. 

Maddy nodded solemnly.

“We’re dolphins!” Lilly and Lucy began spinning around on the deck. 

Jess patted Vanessa’s hand. “I’ve got crackers in my purse if that would help.”

Vanessa smiled at her best friend. She’d told her about the pregnancy the night before.  Jess had flooded her with questions, as Vanessa had known she would.

“How did this happen?”

“What did Jeff say?”

“What are you going to do?”

“Have you told the girls?”

Vanessa had answered all of her best friend’s questions matter-of-factly. It had happened the usual way. She’d learned from an Internet search that the possibility of pregnancy after vasectomy was less than 1%. Jeff was shocked, but said they’d figure it out. Vanessa would see her OB-GYN as soon as she returned from Massachusetts. She had not told the girls. 

Jess had given Vanessa a long, tight hug. A Jess hug they called it. Jess hugs were well-known for their healing qualities. 

She gave Vanessa another on the deck of the boat. Vanessa willed the tears pooling in her eyes not to spill over. This trip was about the girls and she wanted them to have a good time. Even if she felt she was going to vomit again at any second. The slight sway of the ship was enough to have Vanessa clutching the guardrails. 

“No crackers just yet,” said Vanessa. “Thanks, Jess.”

“Mommy! I need the potty!” Lucy’s voice boomed across the deck. A few older women chuckled. 

Maddy leaned against her mother and gazed up at her. “I love you, Mom. Thanks for this trip. Even if we don’t see a whale, I don’t mind. The dolphins were so magical.”

Vanessa found herself crying. “I love you, my sweet girl.” She gave Maddy a hug. Kennedy giggled and joined them. 

Vanessa closed her eyes and focused on the slight breeze in the air and tried to ignore the swaying. Images flashed through Vanessa’s mind. 

Jeff’s shy smile the night they met.

The way he made Vanessa laugh with just the twitch of an eyebrow.

Their wedding cake with miniature bride and groom on top.

The first positive pregnancy test.

The sympathetic smile of the doctor after the first miscarriage.

The leftover wedding cake they ate on their first anniversary. Miserable in a tropical resort four days after the first D & C.

The next test, the next loss, the next sad smile from a doctor.

Those awful non-skid socks they give you to wear in the hospital.

A third loss, tears at Christmastime. No Baby’s First Christmas onesie this year.

Another positive test.

Then finally-- Maddison Helen Wyatt was born, healthy and perfect.

So much joy. 

Jeff’s proud smile. Vanessa’s laugh came back.

Two years later, Kennedy Marlene Wyatt joined their family. 

Their cups runneth over.

And then this. An unexpected turn of events for their family. Vanessa couldn’t help but smile through her tears.

“After this, let’s go for ice cream,” she said.

“Really, Mom? Before lunch?” asked Maddy.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Kenny cheered.

“It’s a special time,” said Vanessa. She grinned at her girls and watched the sea for a glimpse of unexpected life.

THE END