Love is Blind

What do you think about when you hear the word ‘Love’? Do you think of someone special? Or something that used to be? Well, when I think about love, it’s not all happiness and butterflies and fireworks. It’s hard. Really hard. You can be at peace, or at war at any time. Who knows what will trigger it? I was in love once, it was magnificent. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I was finally happy. Happy with my life,  my decisions, my opinions, everything. It’s like my entire view on life had changed. Well, that's what I’m supposed to say. In all reality, it was painful,, a pain that begins with a stomach ache and ends in heartache. My love story begins with a woman named Sera. 

She was the epitome of perfection. She has long, dark brown hair, with streaks of blonde running through it. Her eyes are like a rainforest, shiny and full of life, a beautiful dark green. My knees go weak when she stares at me. Oh, I absolutely adore her. I could talk about her forever. The way she smiles, it lights up every dark corner of my mind. Her laugh sounds like a harp, being played ever so gently. She always smells like lavender and honey, and a mixture of something else I can’t quite put my finger on. Sera moves with such elegance, and she’s very confident, that’s always been my favorite thing about her. Nothing gets her down, she’s always so happy and when she’s happy, I’m happy. Today, I plan on telling her my true feelings. 

I had finally gotten the courage to tell her how much I love her, I had worked so hard on my confidence. She had truly inspired me to be better in more ways than I could ever imagine. When I saw her, my breath was taken from me. She looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was down, rather than in its usual ponytail.  My heart was racing in my chest and it was hard to breathe. She was wearing my favorite outfit, like she knew today was going to be special. It was a beautiful green and white sundress, it made her eyes look even greener. 

When she finally reached me, I handed her the flower I had bought at a small vendor down the street. It was a white rose, to symbolize both her beauty and innocence. She smiled at me and my face blushed. She brought it to her nose and sniffed it and hummed with delight at its aroma. I asked her if she liked it. She smiled wider and nodded her head. My head was spinning, and I gently took her hand in mine. “Are you ready to go?” I asked her. She gripped my hand tighter and said yes. I was nervous. Could she tell? My hands began to sweat as we reached our destination, which was her absolute favorite restaurant in town. It was a bit on the expensive side, but today was special. She was special. 

When we got to our seats, I pulled her chair out for her then sat down opposite of her. I couldn’t help but stare as she gazed at the menu, she was an absolute sight. Then she looked up at me and quirked an eyebrow. “Is there something on my face?” I blushed and looked down at the menu in front of me. “No, sorry, it's just, you look so beautiful today,”I commented shyly. She leaned on her hand and laughed, making me blush more. I really hope it wasn’t as noticeable as I think it is.

 I cleared my throat and looked up at her, opening my mouth to speak, but before I could get the words out, the waiter walked up.”What can I do for y'all today?” I silently cursed him for ruining the moment. I ended up ordering myself a small salad with water, my nerves were just too worked up to eat much. She ordered the same thing she always does, chicken alfredo with diced tomatoes, a side salad with no ranch and a glass of water. I love that little part of her, the part that stays the same no matter how many times we come here. 

It was hard to decide whether or not to tell her now or wait until we have eaten. I decided that there is no time like the present. So, I started. “Sera, I need to talk to you about something,” I began. She held up her hand, “Wait, I do too.” I swallowed thickly, but smiled. “Go ahead.” Sera cleared her throat. “I think we should stop seeing each other.” I could feel my smile droop and my hands begin to shake. “I didn’t mean for this to go on as long as it did,” she continued. “You are a great person, it’s just, I don’t feel like we are meant to be together. These past few months have been great! But I think it’s best we go our separate ways.” My heart stopped. Is she joking? I looked up at her, her beautiful face was no longer smiling. She wasn’t joking. My breath became labored and short. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You-you don’t mean that,do you?” I managed to finally say something. Sera ran her fingers through her hair and looked away from me. “Because if you mean it, then today's plans are ruined!” I couldn’t stop the anger from seeping into my words. I’ve never been angry at her before. “Please don’t make this harder, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I stood up from my chair and grabbed my hair. “You didn’t mean to hurt me? Of course this hurts me!” I was shaking, the words just kept pouring from me. “Today was supposed to be special. I worked so hard to get here. I had to let you in, I had to do so many things to get you to like me, yet here you are,telling me it was for nothing?!” I wanted to throw something, punch something, even. Sera looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “Please calm down, you’re causing a scene.” She stood up and grabbed my arm. “Let’s go outside.” 

Once we were outside, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my face. “Do I mean anything to you, Sera? Tell me the truth.” Sera looked hurt. “Of course you do, I care for you deeply, I just don’t love you like you love me.” I wanted to collapse, I wanted to lie there on the concrete and wait for my heartbreak to kill me. How could I have been so blind? Of course she didn’t feel the same. There is nothing special about me, I’m not funny, I’m not good looking, of course I couldn’t give her what she needs. I let my head hang down in shame. “I was going to ask you to be mine, you know,” I whispered. I heard her sigh. “I know, that’s why I ended it here.” My eyes widened and I looked up at her, “You knew?” She laughed lowly, her perfect laugh. Oh how I’m going to miss it. “Of course I did, you aren’t exactly subtle.” I blushed shamefully and looked down at my feet. The world was still spinning. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I am truly sorry, I hope one day you can find someone who loves you just as deeply as you love them.” The hand stayed there a minute longer before leaving. I sighed and looked up from my feet to see her walking away. I began to panic, I wanted to chase after her, pull her into my arms and beg her not to go, but my feet wouldn’t move. Don’t go. Please don’t go, Sera. My heart is shattering. I don’t want her to go. I watched her get into her car. I watched her drive away, without me. 

The next few days I didn’t leave my bed, I didn’t eat or drink anything besides water. I was always crying, no matter how much I tried to stop the tears. My job didn’t approve of my laying around, so they gave me a warning, “Be in by monday or you’re fired.” By Monday, I had to force myself into the shower, to brush my teeth and look human. 

When I walked into the office, my friends came up to me and asked me how I was. Apparently, someone found out about my failure and spread it around. “I don’t need your pity,”I told them and walked to my private office. When I sat down, a woman I didn’t recognize walked in. “My name is Garnett and I am your new assistant!” I raised an eyebrow at her, “What happened to Charlie?” She blushed and looked away, “Charlie got caught stealing coffee mugs so I am here to replace him,” she looked back at me and winked, “But don’t worry, I won’t be stealing any mugs while I’m here.” I nodded and brought out my laptop. She took the que to leave and turned towards the door, but before she left she said one more thing. “Oh and by the way, I want to say I really admire you and your work. I am definitely excited to work next to you for as long as you’ll have me.” I looked up at her and smiled, which surprised me. “Thank you, Garnett. I’m sure it’ll be a pleasure.” She smiled shyly and waved before leaving my office, closing the door gently behind her. I sighed and leaned back in my chair, but as I thought of my new assistant, I saw a little bit of myself in her, the willingness to please someone she admires. The thought brought another smile to my face. Then I thought of Sera, the woman who taught me to be confident and stood up and walked to my door. I opened it and said, “Garnett,” she looked up at me with a wide smile, “Did you need something?” she asked. My smile widened as I asked her to get lunch with me that afternoon. The blush on her face was instantaneous and she nodded. If I ever see Sera again, I will have to thank her. Thank her for showing me a side of things I never would have imagined. She brought out the good in me, among other things, but she also taught me the one thing I never would have admitted on my own. Love truly is blind and that fact has shown me more truths. So, thank you, Sera, for giving me the truth. I will always remember you.