The Thought

The Thought

By Chuck Bent

   "Just Say it!" She told you when you explained about a thought you conceived.

   Well, you didn't tell her because you couldn't. It was only a thought. A complicated one at that.

   It came to you in the vague area between wakefulness and sleep. The moment when you might be falling and yank awake. The thought was such an amazing thing that you jumped up and searched for some paper and pen.

   "What a thought!" You said as you rumbled in the bedside drawer, then stopped, still thinking the thought. "I don't need to write it down. I need to share it!"

   So you snatched your cell phone up and dialed her. The one you share everything with. As the screen lit from movement, you saw the time:

12:48am

   You couldn't call her now! It was way too late. You will just have to tell her in the morning. The thought still prominent in your mind, sure that you could never forget such a thought, you went to sleep.

   "I..." You began telling her for the third time. The thought just would come out.

   "Just say it!" She demanded. "Spit it out! What is it an invention or something?"

   "No." You return. "I don't think so. I..." Again, you seem to get stuck explaining. The thought was so big, it made all things small. Including your tongue.

   "Look," She had sympathy lining her eyes. "You are a great artist. Why don't you try to draw it?"

   Your head snapped up and your eyes locked with hers.

   "Yes!" You agreed. "I can draw it!"

   "And while you do, I'll be at work. This thought has me late." She left you with an idea on top of your thought.

   You knew just what to do. You gathered the needed sketchbook and pencil and sat down at your desk. Your hand, a hair's breadth from the paper, hovered in place.

   How do I start? You thought. Then you sighed and dropped the pencil. If I can't say it, how can I draw it?

   Not wanting to be defeated, you decided to stop fretting and think. Really think about this huge thought. It was obvious that it was overwhelming to you.

   You laid back on your bed and closed your eyes. This thought was a terrible burden. How can I get it out? You wondered as exhaustion blanketed the world.

   The thought became palpable. It was the world, it was you. It was everything. The thought was easy to see, simple to understand. It was an idea! It was alive and it needed attention.

   “Why are you being so difficult?” You say. An echo of your words come back from the thought. It said the same thing to you!

   “I’m only a thought,” It continued. “The difficulty is your own.”

   Instead of attempting to reason with the giant thought, you study it:

   It was big in scale but simple. There was nothing complicated about it. There was a defined edge that curved away from you into the distance. The rest was hard angles and bumps. Color lit the thought from the inside in places and from without in others. Along the curve was your favorite hue, so you decided to follow it.

   Like the world, there was no end, only a continuous path that disappeared on the horizon. If it wasn’t for the scrambled confusion on the sides, it could have been a massive ball. As you walked, something caught your attention to the side.

   It was normality in the confusion of shapes. A desk with a chair. The desk had a funny globe on it, your familiar sketchbook and a pencil. You left the curvy path and went to the desk. The globe looked like a standard spinning world on a stand at first, but as you neared, it was obvious it was the thought on a smaller scale.

   This is just what I need! You thought and sat in the chair. You picked up the pencil and began to draw the thought. Within moments, you had sketched an image on the pad. It looked nothing like the globe on the desk. You tore the picture off, folded it into four, and shoved it into your pocket. I know just what to do. 

   You returned to the curve. The chaos to the sides had calmed down into recognizable things. Everyday items from your life: Buildings, trees, and furniture. Confident you had it all figured out, you strode purposefully down the curve, which now resembled a regular path.

   As you thought, your house came into view. It was almost the same anyway. There were more flowers and bushes flourishing where there was none before. This was a beautiful addition to your house, but you walked right by them with only an appreciative glance.

   The front door was open, and sounds of laughter greeted you at the threshold. You stopped to take in the clatter: Children laughing. The smell of food cooking. The sound of her laughing too. You smile as the thought formed into sense.

   You didn’t have to go any further. You had a visualization. You had your drawing and you have the thought under firm control.

   You awoke with sickness in your heart. For some reason, you were at your desk with a wadded up piece of paper in your hand. You tossed it in the trash.

   “What did I dream?” You asked yourself. You took care of your morning routine trying to remember your dream. It’s always like this. You thought. Dreams were always so elusive.

   Now you had two problems: The dream and the thought. It was early, so you called her over.

   “What is it now?” She asked, still a tad upset over yesterday.

   The sight of her, her stance, her voice, made your stand up straight. “Stay right there!” You tell her. You ran to the trashcan by the desk and returned opening the crumbled paper. When you saw what was on there, a tear blossomed in your eye.

   She saw your distress and came to see what was on the paper. It was two hearts interlinked by the symbol of infinity. She saw it, but it meant nothing to her.

   “What…?” She began but you had already decided. You dropped to one knee.

   “My love,” You began. It was somewhat difficult because the thought was a bubble popping. It was audible inside. Pressure built, ready for release. “My thought.”

   “Yes?” She said with a glimmer of hope in her voice and her eyes.

   “My thought is,” You cave to the pressure. It must be released now. “Will you be my wife? Can we have children that run and laugh?”

   Her hope turned into relief. Surprised for sure, for she had been waiting for this moment that she thought would never come. She has had this same thought for a long time. “Yes!” She exclaimed with tears of her own and went to her knees with you.

   You took her into your arms as the thoughts came together, yours and hers. It was such a big thought that it wouldn’t be ignored. It dominated her mind for years but only just now came to you.

   The thought of marriage and commitment isn’t something to be taken for granted. The thought of it might be there, but it can’t be a reality until you can handle it.

END