Friends

She found him on a brain injury site. She thought he needed help. She had been on the site since she was 50 and she considered herself an expert on bouncing back with a life to live.

He was angry and he wasn't easy to live with. His wife in desperation, reached out to her. He had dared to make a connection with her. She had been persistent in persuading him to get out of his anger and chat.

"What could you offer me? I am not at all someone anyone would want to know or chat with; let me tell you," he said. "Even my wife doesn't like me anymore."

She heard him speak on the telephone and although she wasn't sure how she was going to respond to that statement, She let her tongue do the talking. And before long, he was laughing and engaging in robust communication that was heavily animated and passion-filled.

He talked and talked and she let him. She listened carefully and was sure to respond with the proper cues to let him know that she was there for him.

"I would like to speak with you again. If you don't mind," he said. "I mean, if you have other things to do, I understand."

"No, I don't. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow or whenever you would like to call," she said.

She wasn't sure but she thought she heard a sigh of relief in his voice as he spoke.

"Well, good then. Until tomorrow. Have a good night."

As she hung up the phone, she smiled to herself, knowing that she had made a small difference in the man's life. He had talked to her for two hours about absolutely anything and everything that was on his mind.

The following day, she wasn't sure what to expect or if he would have anything left to tell her but they found some common ground and the conversation flowed.

They never interrupted one another and they never raised their voices to one another. What they did was learn about one another, how their injuries were similar and how they were very different. He confided in her many things he didn't even tell his wife.

It was a way to relieve himself of all the details of his injury to someone who would not judge him or who had a preconceived notion of what to expect from him. It was, for him, a very stable and safe place to talk about whatever was bothering him.

They covered the gamut. He was a new man and he talked about his firsts, whether it meant talking, swallowing, chewing, walking, using his arms and legs properly, wanting or being able to have sex and being interested in things he used to do but the most important thing was the capability of what he could do now as opposed to what he could do before the brain injury.

His fear was palpable and she recognised it as soon as he began speaking about his life before and his life now. It made her sad to know that she had to be honest with him. But she knew he needed to hear it to make sense of it.

"Don't think about your life before the accident so much," she cautioned. That life is no longer your life. I'm sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news but it is what it is. You have to learn, and it is difficult. Believe me when I tell you that you need to embrace who you are now. The sooner you do that, the sooner you will recover."

He shared with her that his trouble began with his word-finding and seemed to go downhill from there. He couldn't tolerate noise and his sensitivity to light was off the charts.

She confided in him that she was in the same situation and that it probably wouldn't change anytime soon. To which he grumbled and mumbled and then was speechless. He had no words for what was happening inside his body because it was involuntary and out of his control.

That realisation crushed him and knocked him down daily. Nothing she could say would ever help him accept that every day was a gift and that he should be grateful that he was alive and living.

"I don't feel grateful; I'm angry. And I'm grieving my loss," he said. "Nobody will understand that better than you. Right?"

"You are right. I understand but I don't have anger anymore. I let go of my anger and since then, my health has improved and my attitude has been a big part of that," she said. "I figured out that was the one thing I could control in my life so I took it and did control it. I have never regretted it since."

"You make perfect sense. I guess I never really thought of it that way until you put it that way to me. Thank you for telling me. I am choosing to do what you said and control my part with my attitude."

"Might I mention that you should be clear on what your attitude will be and what might change it moving forward? Too many people make the decision but are not prepared for what comes with making such a decision."

"I'll have to call you tomorrow. My head hurts and I am tired. Goodbye."

He abruptly hung up and she wondered if she was too preachy to him or if she came across too strongly for his liking. She would have to wait until tomorrow.

When he called her the following day, he sounded like a different man. He sounded full of energy and happy.

Delighted with his attitude, she told him that he sounded great to her. She also told him that he was on his way to better days ahead.

He laughed and then he embraced the change. He shared his desire to live a better life while trying to improve his lot in life since his injury.

They continued to talk on the phone each day just like they had been friends forever. She was no longer his mentor; she was truly his friend.