Because of You

“Jordyn…Jordyn.” Mama’s voice whispered while I rubbed my eyes to see that the sun was coming up. She patted her lap as I made my way into it, yawning the sleep out of me. Watching the sunrise was mama and my special thing since daddy always hated getting up early. I like seeing the pretty colors mixing up like one of my finger paintings while mama loved seeing the sun dance on the rooves of the houses. The sun seemed to greet us both as it touched our skin making mama’s natural curls light up like black silk. I would reach my hands up to touch them getting a laugh from her as she ran her hands through mine. “Shall I give you puffs today?”

           “Yes mama!” I smiled as she placed her finger over her lips, and I put my hands over my mouth trying to stop the giggles from coming. Daddy was tired from his night job, so I had to be quiet. It was hard, but mama could always find a fun way to keep me from shouting too loud. This time she took me in her arms and hung me upside-down like a monkey. I giggled more trying to keep still so she wouldn’t drop me as we made our way to my closet. It was full of pretty blues and oranges (my favorite colors) as she placed me down. Mama always hummed with her hands on her hips as she looked at my clothes. I copied trying to guess what she might pick.

  “Orange tee and blue overall skirt?”

“Yes.” I nodded watching her take the clothes from the hangers as I wiggled out of my pjs. Mama smiled at me, waiting until I was in my underwear so she could help me get dressed. I could do it myself, but I think she wanted to be fast today. We had a special Saturday planned, so I was ok with her helping me. “Now hair please!”

           “Alright hop to the chair.” Mama said as I quickly hopped over to my chair in front of my mirror. I pushed on the lights as the ‘STAR’ popped on and off for a few seconds as I bounced my legs in the chair. I could see mama getting my brush and colorful barrettes to make my puffs stay in place. My smile grew bigger as I saw mama in the mirror showing off my missing front tooth. She gave me a big kiss then started doing my hair as she hummed. I didn’t know the song, but it was calming, and I felt my eyes closed as she made my hair into puffs.

           “What a beautiful baby girl, I made.”

“I’m gorgeous!” I said remembering how daddy would say that to his friends whenever I ran into the room. He would say my brown skin was like dark chocolate and my hair was the curliest of them all. I think mama’s hair is more curly, but I like hearing it.

   “You are correct there. Now, why don’t you make me a nice picture, so I can get dress real fast.”

           “I can do that!” I shouted just as she placed her finger to her lips letting out a ‘shhh’. “I can do that.” So, mama made her way into her and daddy’s room while I made my way to the front. All my crayons were up there along with my dress up clothes and big kid toys. I quickly grabbed my crayons and a paper as the others fell on the floor. I picked a nice spot on the carpet as the morning birds started singing and I could hear cars outside the house. I wanted to draw the sun coming up making sure to run the purple, orange, and pink on the top of the paper. I placed the sun on the bottom making sure to fill it all the way in. I looked at it for a long time wondering what was missing. With a brown crayon, I colored in mama and me watching the sun.

           “Did you draw me a nice picture?” Mama asked while coming in with her hair in a bun and started for the kitchen. I could hear her picking up my papers as I followed her so I could show off my masterpiece.

“Yes, I did. See?”

“Now that is a nice sunrise you drew there, Jordyn.” Mama said as she made breakfast for us while trying to put on her gray sweater. She always liked to do everything in one go and sometimes she could do it. Today was one of those days while I quickly ate the oatmeal and cantaloupe as mama fixed her lipstick and ate. It was funny seeing her do that, but she didn’t mess up; making sure nothing fell on her red dress. I wiped my face and put my dishes in the sink showing I could be a big girl by helping. “Who’s ready for our big day?”

           “Me!”

“Let’s go.” Mama laughed as I could hear the grumpy groans of daddy while we made our way to her blue car. She locked me into my seat then climbed into the front. With a press of a button the car started up and our adventure began!

           Though, would going to the park really be called an adventure?

I believed it was especially when I saw the big Ferris wheel in the window of my car seat. I could smell the cotton candy and food as we drove around to find a parking place. It was crowded and loud. And I loved every second of it even if I was still inside the car. Mama parked the car and got me out keeping her hand in mine. “Mama! I want to go.”

           “And that is exactly why I am holding your hand.” Mama said making me pout as she got everything settled then led me to the entrance. I could read ‘Fair’ in big bright, red letters as mama paid for the bracelets that would let us ride the rides. I could feel myself bouncing on my toes as she finally put the bracelet on my arm then walked into the place the field would be. Usually the big field was empty that everyone could run on it, but today the games and rides filled it. “What shall we do first?”

           “Oh um…that one!”

“You don’t want to try the Teacups first?”

           “Nope that one!” I grinned as I took her hand to get in line before anyone else took our spot.

“Scrambler it is.” Mama huffed while letting me lead her to the line without much of a fuss. She let me lead her around the fair for most of the day only stopping for us to eat or take a break. Mama would always comment on how she wasn’t as young as she used to be, but I think she was lying. Grandma would always say “Black don’t crack” and daddy said it meant that people with our skin tones looked younger than they appear. But I let mama rest as I played around with the other kids who also had their mothers resting. After going through the rides, a couple of times, mama let me play some of the games in order to win a prize. I kept seeing a huge bunny with a heart tummy throughout the fair, but mama said I might not get it without daddy being here. He was good at hitting things in his video games, but I wanted to try to get it.

           I tried the Ring Toss to get the bunny, but I couldn’t get them on the middle bottle. I tried the Knocking Down the Bottles, but my throw was too short, and mama couldn’t get all of them down. She got a small prize that was a clown fish and tried to give it to me, but I really wanted to keep trying for that bunny. I tried Ring the Bell, but I wasn’t that strong and got a piece of candy for my swing. The last game was that had my bunny was the Balloon and Dart game which my mama didn’t seem very happy about me playing. But I begged and stomped my feet until she gave the man the money for me to play. I surprisingly hit three balloons which made mama cheer for me, but I only got a medium prize which was a panda bear. I was still a bit sad I didn’t get my bunny, but the panda was in orange and blue, so it wasn’t all bad.

           “Well, looks like the sun is finally down.”

“Aww, I don’t want to go yet!” I pouted feeling my eyes water as I removed my hand from hers.

           “Luckily, we can stay until the fireworks go off.”

“Fireworks?” I gasped while hopping on my toes as she kept on walking. I followed her as I could see most people either leaving or trying to find a spot to watch the light show. I could tell that mama was going to our special spot to see the fireworks. I knew that because we would always go there on the Fourth of July. “Come on mama!”

           “Jordyn! Don’t run ahead of me!” Mama shouted, but I wanted to be there first, so I kept on running. I could see the dock and cattails as I ran faster already hearing the fireworks going off behind me. I jumped onto the dock and was surprised to see someone here on our special spot. “Jordyn!”

           I kept quiet seeing the man look at me quite mad even though I didn’t mean to bug him. This was our spot, so it wasn’t my fault that he was there. He also smelt weird and looked kind of scary once I noticed he was moving towards me. The fireworks also seemed to hide whatever he was holding which really made me scared. “…Mama.”

           “Jordyn!”

I closed my eyes; I could remember that dreadful noise despite the fireworks in the air. I still remember the toxic smell of alcohol on this man’s breath as he tried to shush my screams. I could remember people’s shouting as they tackled the man down trying to restrain him from hurting me as well. I also remember the metallic smell of blood on the dock that still painted the wood to this day.

           I swallowed hard fixing my police uniform as my eyes looked onto the special spot that my dad told me to stop coming to. I couldn’t. This spot changed me so much that I couldn’t leave it be. The beautiful moon reflected off the lake trying to give me some form of comfort that I knew wasn’t there.