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General

Just a click and everyone could know your name, just a second and every stranger that walks past you will immediately recognize your face. You no longer become a faceless entity in their world but someone they know, while to you, they remain as strangers that want to touch you, take pictures of you or use you.


An upload of you doing something for fun, suddenly becoming seen by eyes that you will never know the names of, by strangers that will say things that will make you uncomfortable, cry or feel loved.


They will desire more content from you, and you’ll become a slave to please them. Suddenly, everyone knows you with each post you make, some doing better than others, and you become desperate for ideas to please the ones that claim to love and support you, you might throw away your beliefs and ideas to match the majority or maybe keep neutral in hopes to not offend anyone but you are only human, you will make mistakes whether in your past of in the future, but do know that the moment you make the wrong step, they are gone. The moment you’ve lost their interest, they are gone. The moment you do or say something they didn’t like or agree with, they are gone. Like a marionette, you become their puppet, they lead you around on strings, pulling you side to side until you break. You could lose yourself and base all your self-esteem on the amount of likes, comments, followers and/or subscribers you’ve gained. You might discard those around you and who you knew as your ego grows, you might forget the ones that were there from the beginning and cast them aside, but in the end you will become an empty shell of yourself if you aren’t careful. You don’t realize it yet how easily you can be thrown away, one wrong move, one mistake, one out-of-context video, you are immediately abandoned because a star isn’t human, you lost the right to be ever be imperfect or make mistakes or have opinions that are considered incorrect by the majority, because what they loved was an idealized version of yourself and the moment you are discarded, you will become nothing but a shell of who you were, so the moment you posted something that became viral, don’t forget yourself, don’t end up like me that became just a shadow of who she was before and if you wonder who I am, it does not matter as I am just a nobody.

~~~

I wish I never went viral— the moment I posted that video that quickly grew in popularity overnight, I was ecstatic, hungrily reading through the positive comments as that expressed their amusement, comment on my appearance, I didn’t see any negative comments, although they were more likely than hidden away by the positive ones that were received but I apologize for digressing, during those times, I was overjoyed. I became a sensation overnight and suddenly people asked for more from and a quick rise in following as gained expectations from me, whether it was more content, to admire my appearance or intrigue in something new. They watched more videos that I’ve posted in the past or just liked pictures of me, however they all had something common with each other, they all found themselves interested in me.


I couldn’t help it, but I bragged as stars grew into my eyes and a desire to please strangers and to see my number rise,  to be known by people I would never probably see in real life, just having one taste of popularity caused my hunger in fame and stardom and with a thought that if I could do it once, I can do it again.


Suddenly, it was no longer about having fun and being myself, it was about making sure I was someone, but I never felt like a nobody before I was already comfortable in my place in the world. Suddenly, I was a nobody before and thought I was somebody and suddenly I was looking down on my friends before I knew it. Suddenly, everything in my life became the right of my followers, somehow I lost my right to privacy in my climb to fame, and suddenly, every time I walked the street, people I had never seen before approached me as if they knew me all their lives, expressing their love. I only smiled and gave a hug to a stranger. I suddenly lost the right to my body, to my life, to who I am.  I became pressured and overwhelmed, and before I realized it as time continued, I was alone, in a way I pushed people away and now I only had my followers and those were my real friends even though I never spoke to them directly or have seen all their faces. Crack appeared in my psyche without me noticing as I grinned and let it go, even when I didn’t want to, even when my fans would touch me in places I didn’t want to be touched and I reached out to someone from my past and said something, desperately in need of an outlet, to someone I thought would be my friend, my confidant when I’d need it the most, and without knowing it. They recorded our conversation and published it out of context for the whole world to hear and demonize me. I became a shadow, and someone hated. I had to delete my account, had to try to disappear into the background and hope that no one recognizes me anymore as time passes. No one would listen, they want to hate and bash without giving a chance, as I wasn’t allowed to be human. My explanations are only seen as excuses and if I apologized, it would seem fake. I couldn’t take it. So I leave you this for the next person to become viral, to become the next big thing. Don’t repeat my mistakes. Be careful of who you trust and don’t push away you already had beforehand, or else you might end up like me. Dead and Alone. Goodbye and Good luck.


April 25, 2020 01:51

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