I shouldn't have loved him- By Joan David

Dear Journal,

He was harmless. Everyone knew him and he was the life of the party. Jack Hudson had my heart from the very start. His green eyes, that bright smile, his quiet laugh. I fell for more than just his looks, I even fell for his mysterious personality. There was just something I could never place. He had this "slow morning with coffee" feel. It made me anxious and self conscious. I used to ask dumb questions.

What if he doesn't think I'm pretty? What if I'm not his type? Why is my hair like this?

My obsession for Jack consumed my time and unfortunately, my self confidence. I should have never indulged the thought of being with him. Why should he have this control over me? We were just friends and that was all. Plus, he and I were different. He was mysterious and confident, while I was clumsy and slightly annoying. I always thought he was the better one out of the both us. I'm tired of living in his shadows and constantly feeling like I'm in the wrong. I don't want to be with him anymore. After today and all the things said about how he loved me and cared about me so much I saw everything perfectly clear. He lied the entire time. We were friends and he made it clear. Sure, we gave each other compliments and said things out of momentary fun, but we never meant them. I just had a bit of feelings, that was all. Nothing more. He doesn't love me, he's just messing around. He was always messing around, and I'm sick of it. Jack only loved himself, he even told me so. No matter how I felt towards Jack, we could only be friends. Jack can't have feelings for me, I know it. It was just something he thought of to maybe flirt or even lift my spirits. He didn't need to love me. If I'm being honest, I don't want him to love me. The second I believe that Jack loves me, is when I have really become the fool. There was no point in denying the fact that I had already lost my heart to such a powerful person. I just won't let it continue any further. I owe it to myself to put an end to our relationship. It was fun while it lasted, and I know that I'll be heartbroken to say the least. Sometimes even the long 3 year relationships need to end. Lucky for me, Jack never lost his cool and probably wouldn't mind it if I left him anyhow.

Sincerely, Margret Weathers