Cownapped!

“OK, I'm off to work,” I said, holding the doorknob.

“Bye Mommy. Have a great and super day!” Norman said, turning his blonde-mopped head from his coloring book.

“Thank you. And as always, behave for Mr. Lemon.”

“I will, Mommy!”

I took one last look at him then left, closing the door. I walked to my car when I spotted something gold. I walked straight ahead in the street and stopped. “MOO!” uttered the gold cow who was the size of a house cat.

“What the... A gold cow?” As soon as I said it, it disappeared. I blinked. “I must need more sleep! I got in my car and drove off.

“A small gold cow in your street?”

I didn’t know why I told Mark at work.

“Yes, it was just standing there in the middle of my street.”

“You must be sleep deprived or something.”

“Yeah mmm, I guess…”

“Take it easy today, alright, Miranda?” He patted my back.

“But, what about my report?”

He shrugged. “It’s just data; it can wait another day.”

“But—“

“Just relax and let your mind clear out.”

“I know what I saw, Mark!”

“OK, OK, I believe you!”

“Yeah, right.”

“But I do!”

“Just go back to your cubicle and leave me alone!”

“Miranda…”

I glared at him.

He sighed and walked away.

Burying my head in my face, I sighed.

A moment later, I looked up at the computer and started entering data.

“OK, so. I still haven't gotten the quarter end financials from accounting. I hope they send them over soon or I'm gonna be late again with the recommended reserves.” I told myself, studying the data.

“MOO!” I almost jumped out of my chair. “MOOOO!” I looked around, my heart beating fast. “MOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Hey, whoever’s mooing, stop it!” Minnie demanded and I heard laughing.

“Jerks!” I muttered and went back to work.

We all had lunch later because Minnie made a grammatical error on their report, so we helped her out.

I dumped my sandwich on the table and peeked in. “Huh? Must’ve forgotten my Coke,” I muttered, to myself. Getting up, I walked over to the vending machine and bought a Vanilla Coke. I returned to my table and took a bite of my sandwich. I chewed as I opened the can of Coke. No fizz! I groaned, expecting to drink flat Coke. I raised the can to my mouth, tilted it, and tasted a cold, almost flavorless liquid. “What the- “I almost spat it out. I looked into the can. MILK! “OK, whose ingenious idea was it to put milk in Coke cans?” Everyone stared at me. “Come on, fess up! Was it you, Mark?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, looking up from his tuna sandwich.

“Someone put milk in this Coke can.”

“Huh?”

I tilted the can. “Look!”

Mark walked up and... “Uh, that’s Coke.”

“Huh?” I peeked in. Sure enough, dark liquid was in there. “But, I swear I saw… I tasted…”

“Maybe you should rest.”

What’s going on? Seeing and hearing cows? And imagining milk in my Coke can? Was I losing it?

“Come on, go out and clear your head.”

“OK,” I said and left the break room. Maybe Mark’s right. I’m seeing things! Walking to the end of the hall, I opened the door and stepped out. I inhaled a deep breath of fresh cool air and watched cars speed in the street. I walked to the curb and sat down. A few people walked in the parking lot. I smiled and waved. One waved back as he walked towards the building.

I was about to stretch my back when someone asked, “Did you like my milk?”

I looked around. “Who said that?”

Silence.

“Answer me!”

“It’s good milk!” The cow appeared in thin air.

I yelped.

“Aw… Don’t be scared, I come in peace.” It stood up on its hind legs and a black leather jacket appeared on him.

“W-who are you?”

A blade of grass appeared on its front hoof and it put it in his mouth. “Name’s Moo Cow. It’s a pleasure to meet you.’” He air-quoted the last two words as he spoke. He chewed on the blade of grass.

“What are you doing here? And am I really talking to a cow?”

He uttered a noise that sounded like a laugh and a moo together. “Yes, my dear, you are talking to a cow! I’m on official cow mutant business! You see, my girlfriend and I were having a picnic in Old McDonald’s barn when my brother, Moo Steer came and…” He paused to wipe tears from his eyes. “...kidnapped her.”

“Uh, excuse me for saying this, but what… the… Hell?”

“I need your help…Miranda.”

“Me?

“MM-HMM.”

“Wait. How do you know my name?”

“I’m psychic, didn't you know?”

“Really?”

“No, I took a wild guess.”

“O…K, then,” I said, unsure if the talking cow was just joking or a great guesser.

“Smart, am I?”

“How can I help you?” I asked, getting the conversation back on track; I just wanted to get this over with and return to work.

“Come with me. We can track my brother down.”

“What?! Why me?”

“You saw me in your street, milk in your Coke can, and...”

“That was all you?”

“Yep.” The cow reached in his pocket and pulled a handful of white powder out. ”This powdered milk is magic.”

Without any warning, he sprinkled it on me.

We were on a farm at night. Something didn't seem right. But, what?

My lungs started burning and I gasped for breath.

“Oh, sorry.” I read the words coming out of Moo Cow’s mouth. He clapped his hooves and I exhaled deeply. I was looking through a helmet?

“Thank you.”

“I forgot humans need oxygen.”

“So, you're an alien?”

“No, I was born on Earth.”

“What are you then?”

“I’m a mutant; my mom was an experiment for the government and she passed her mutated genes onto me.”

“So, you’re a mutant cow?”

“Yes.”

I let out a long sigh.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing… How do we, um, find your girlfriend?”

Moo Cow clapped his hooves and a piece of paper appeared in mid-air. “The kidnappers left this note, but I can't read it.”

Grabbing the floating note, I examined it.

“It says: if you want to see your precious Isabella again, go in the barn and get me the file.”

“You have some skills, girl!”

“No, it's just written in English.”

“Oh! Well… anyway, thank you.”

“No prob. What's he talking about? A file”

Moo Cow sighed. “This just turned into a war! Come on, I'll explain once we get there!” Moo Cow said, picked up the powdered milk and sprinkled it on us.

We appeared outside of a barn. “Dang powder! Teleported us outside instead of inside! Have to do it again.” He began putting his hoof...

“Wait!” I grabbed his arm. “Can't we just walk in?”

“That’s a good idea! Yes! We walk in!” he said putting the powder away.

You must have a few screws loose.

As we walked into the barn, a strange smell drifted into my nostrils. “Ugh! What's that smell?”

“Cow bread.”

“What?!’”

“Don't ask.”

“OK, then.”

Moo Cow walked up to the computer and turned it on with his hoof. He looked behind the laptop and said, “We have a problem.”

“What?”

“We need a flashdrive.”

“OK… I have one in my desk at work but…”

“Say no more!” Moo Cow aggressively threw the dust on me. I coughed. I was standing in my cubicle.

“Could've warned me first…Now, it should be in my desk.” I opened it and looked. “Huh?” It wasn’t there. I dug through all my stuff, but couldn't find it.

Mark walked up.

“I can't find my flashdrive.”

“I borrowed it, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Can I have it back now? It's important.”

“What'll you give me in return?”

“A coke."

“OK, lemme get it.” He went in his cubical. He came out with a flashdrive.

“Thanks, I owe you a Coke now.”

“After work.”

“OK.”

“And no milk.”

I felt my cheeks heat up., “Sure… no milk.”

“I’m just joking. Relax.”

I let out a deep breath. “I know… it’s just…”

“What?”

“I’m having a weird day.”

“Oh, I know how that feels.”

You don’t even know the half of it, I wanted to say, but instead, “Yeah, I'd imagine we all have had weird days!”

“Yeah, well, I hope it gets better.” Mark handed me my Chewbacca flashdrive.

“Thanks,” I said, then everything returned to the moon.

“Great!! You got it!” Moo Cow exclaimed and grabbed the flashdrive from my hand.

“Hey!” I protested, going in the barn, with him.

“Relax. Don’t get your udders into a knot…” He paused. “Well, you know what I mean…” he went to the laptop on the desk and plugged my flashdrive in. Moving his hoof over the mouse pad, he dragged the folder labeled BAD MOO COW into my flashdrive. “There! I did it!”

“Did what? What did you put on my flashdrive?”

He opened his mouth to answer.

MOO! A deep dark voice uttered.

“What now?” I said and Moo Cow rushed out.

I followed and stopped in a few feet.

Out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning struck the grass. A brown bull, wearing a white trench coat appeared. “Well, well, well, I see you.”

“Where's Isabella, Moo Steer?”

“Not so fast. Me first."

Moo Cow gave him the flashdrive. “Now, give me back Isabella!”

“Oh, you stupid fool! Did you really think I was going to?”

“You fiend! Why?!

The evil steer laughed.  “Why? because I’m evil!”

“I should’ve known you were evil when you stole my toy tractor many years ago!”

“Uh…” I said.

“THAT TOY TRACTOR WAS MINE!” the evil steer shrieked.

“No, mom gave it to me!”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now!” then a sneer spread across his face. “Allow me to introduce you to my pet.” He snapped his hooves and a neon orange giraffe appeared.

“What the Hell?” I said gawking.

“Yes, you’ll be in Hell very soon!” he said and jumped high. He landed on the giraffe’s back. “Say goodbye to your miserable existence!” He kicked the giraffe in the side.

To my utter astonishment, the giraffe roared and its chest opened up.

“RUN!” shouted Moo Cow. Missiles shot out of the giraffe's chest.

 “HOLY SHIT!” I hollered.

“Prepared to be lasered, Giraffe!” Moo Cow said and green lasers shot out of his eyes. It hit the giraffe in the side, causing a fire. The giraffe screamed and began to fall over. “WOAH!” Moo Steer yelled out and flew off before the giraffe toppled over. Then, the tall animal rolled on the moon's surface until the fire was extinguished.

Moo Cow mooed. “Looks like your pet is toast!”

“No, matter. I’ll turn you into beef jerky myself! Moo Steer started punching Moo Cow. His hooves connected to Moo Cow’s nose, causing blood to run down.

I had to do something, I headbutted Moo Steer.

“Ow! Headache!“ he commented, rubbing his head.

Moo Cow backed up about half a mile, ran towards Moo Steer and kicked him, sending him flying towards the Sun.

“You’ll pay, Moo Cow and Miranda! You‘ll paaaayyy!” He hit, causing a little gas ball.

“Well, that was moo-riffic!”

“Just get me home, please!” I begged

“Don’t you wanna meet my-“

“No, I don’t! I just wanna go home and forget this weird adventure!”

“RUDE!” Moo Cow crossed his arms. His jacket appeared and he reached into the pocket. He pulled his hoof out and threw his powder milk on me.

“YAAAIII!” I shrieked sand everything turned white.

I blinked. I was back on my driveway.

I walked to my house and opened the door.

“Hi, mommy! How was your day?”

“It was moo-riffic!” I said, felt a smile form on my cow lips, and started mooing.