Desperate measures

                     Desperate measures 

Hi, Joe it’s Richard. Can I call you on your secured line?  I want to discuss something with you.

Sure, just give me ten minutes.

Richard, go ahead. The line is fully secured.

Thanks, Joe. I want to discuss a problem I have at my law firm. 

You sound very stressed out.

I am to the extent that I am preparing myself to take  a dramatic decision. Let me give you a quick overview of the situation. As you know, being one of our clients, we are a small firm with ten lawyers.The firm’s partnership ownership is shared 75% to me with my associate partner owning 25%. The problem I am having has been slowly developing for some time. It is with my associate. You know him and you have always told me you dislike the individual and consider him more of a liability to the firm than an asset. There is a lot of truth in your opinion. But I have always defended him as he was there when we started and put up his share of the initial partnership capital. Also in the early days he worked around the clock and proved to be an excellent lawyer. Those days are now well in the past. Today his office hours are at a minimum, he is rude and aggressive with the staff, always late for meetings, inattentive to his client's needs, and briefly he is seriously damaging the firm’s reputation. To add to these complaints last year he went on a month’s trip to Africa and brought back a small monkey that he insists bring to the office daily. It is a mean little beast that terrifies the staff. He has been asked to keep the beast in his office. Somehow it always finds a way out. I have had several talks with him, concerning his billerable hours, being on time for meetings, acting appropriately with staff, and stopping bringing his monkey to the office. 

In the last three months, in desperation, I have twice offered to buy him out at a handsome premium to what his partnership stake is worth. On both occasions he has refused to sell at any price. I know he is having family problems as he is going through a messy divorce. As there are constant family rows his only son has left home. I certainly feel sympathetic to his family problems but I cannot allow them to be part of his reason for his behavior jeopardizing the future of my firm. So Joe, after much thought I have come to the conclusion that his timely death would solve these problems. That is why we are speaking on a secured line. Can you find me a hitman?

Steady, that sounds a bit desperate. Have you thought of involving the police?

Yes, I have had conversations with a couple of chief constables who tell me the grounds for their intervention are extremely thin. Both their opinions were that any police involvement would be complicated. There is no apparent case that he has broken the law. The list of complaints that he does not work hard enough, that he is rude and aggressive with the staff but no sexual harassment has been filed, the monkey they assume, as he is a lawyer, was bought through the correct channels are all complaints to be dealt with amongst individuals without at this point involving the law. 

Richard you have been a good friend and I don’t like to see you in this bind. Give me a week and then call me back on the secured line. 

A week later. Joe, it’s Richard.  Any luck?

Yes, I have found someone in that line of business that is prepared to talk with you. His name is Tiger and you can call him on 212 234 3456. When I spoke to him I used the name Panther. I would suggest you call him from a phone box, disguise your voice and use a false name. I told him a bit about the reason for my call 

Hello, is that Tiger

Yes, who’s calling?

A friend of Panther. My name is Giraff

I understand it’s an assassination job plus killing a monkey. The monkey part is a little unusual. I understand he is an associate of yours. Does he live in a house or apartment? Does he travel to work by car and has a parking space at your offices? If so, is the space underground? Send me a couple of photos of him and the monkey, his home address and office address. Also the answer to my three questions. You can send them to the mail box center at Grand Central post office under the name Tears Ltd.  Post the photos tomorrow and call me back in ten days; that will give me the time to get to know the lie of the land. His voice trailed off and the phone went dead. 

Ten days later. 

Hello, Tiger, it’s Giraff. I am phoning from a different call box.

Yes, let’s get down to business. I have been following your man for three days. It should not be too difficult. I will probably kill him in his underground parking with a dagger. Shooting him creates unnecessary noise and the police will know from the bullet what gun was used. If the monkey is with him, which is highly probable, I will give it the same treatment. The total cost will be 25,000 $ cash. Fifty percent up front and fifty percent on successfully completing the mission. I will throw in the monkey for free. 

Where do I send the money?

When I receive the first 50%, give me a week to complete my side of the bargain. Deposit the first payment of cash tomorrow in a car parked between the hours of 10-12 am at the second level in the Western Grand central hotel parking. The parking entrance is on 219 East 41st street. You will find a BMW saloon parked between numbers 120-130. The registration number on the car is  WW-743-DN. You will see the back window on the right side is slightly open. Slot your envelope with the cash through this window. There will be a large dog sleeping on the back seat. He will probably wake up and bark at you. Oh, by the way don’t note the registration number down for any future reference as it is false. Phone me a week later to confirm the job is done and instructions for the final payment. 

The next phone call I made was to an old antique dealer friend called Bert. He was our neighbor. 

It is Richard, I think this might be your lucky day. I need 25,000 $ in cash as of yesterday. Can you help me? 

Maybe, what’s the deal?

You know you have always wanted to buy the Monet picture I own. Well I will sell it to you for 25,000 $ in cash, this is well under its market value, but on one condition I reserve the right to buy it back for 30,000 $ for a period of one month from the date you take possession. If I don't then the picture is yours.  It's a sweet heart deal. 

Richard you and your sweet heart deals. Of course I will. I will come round tonight. 

The next day I deposited the money as instructed. The dog was asleep, woke up and looked at me as I was quickly disappearing. He must have decided it was pointless barking. 

A week later I phoned Tiger from another call box. 

Tiger is the Giraffe. I know. His funeral is on Thursday. He will be burIed with his pet monkey. Where do you want me to deposit the cash balance?

Next Tuesday between 10-12 am but in a different parking. On the third level at 200 Park Avenue. The BMW will be parked between numbers 50-60. Registration plates JJ- 120-TN. As before, the right side back window slightly opened with the dog on the back seat. It was a pleasure doing business with you. The line went dead. 

Most of my firm came to my associate's funeral. Later that day I felt a sigh of relief pass through the firm. The police classified his death, as his wallet was missing, as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The killer had left no signs that would allow the police to trace a possible suspect.

As the afternoon crept into the evening and employees started to leave for their homes. Office lights were extinguished and computers closed. I sat in my office thinking about the day. I was disturbed by the funeral in the morning. I realized by using a landline telephone I had started the process to eliminate a fellow human's life. In the future would I ever appreciate the beauty and grace of the tiger, panther and the giraff. 

David Nutt                               January 2025