My mail Ordered Bride

I’ve been a bachelor for too long now at 41 years of age in 2020. I’m employed as a Public Relations Specialist earning more than $62,000 a year. I also have three laundromats that I owned and operate at full capacity. I’m finding it more and more difficult to get married in hopes  of finding an American woman who won’t more than likely eventually fall in love with another woman. I guesstimate with the feminist movement, women's liberation, Susan B. Anthony, female emancipation, women's rights, post feminism, womanism, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Hillary Rotten Clinton and women's lib. The likelihood of finding a woman who will assist upon opening the door for me is long gone like chivalry.

Then I discovered that among female adults who are identified as being LGBQ, bisexuals comprise a slight majority (1.8% or over 9 million living in the United States who are identified as lesbian or gay). That percentage of women were now actually thinking they were men. With that in mind I would have to find my soul mate in another country where there is little homosexual activity. And here are the 10 countries that are the most resistant to homosexuality. Nigeria at 98%,  Jordan 97%, Senegal 96%, Uganda 96%, Ghana 96%, Egypt 95%, Tunisia 94%, Indonesia 93%, (A member of Hizbuth Tahrir Indonesia attends a protest against sexual deviant acts which they believe to be acts such as homosexuality, bisexuality, loose sexual morals, and transgender, in Jakarta on December 1, 2010), Palestinian Territories 93% and Kenya at 93%. Those are the countries I will choose from to find my mail ordered bride.

The first record of mail order brides in what is now the United States was at the first successful English colony at Jamestown, Virginia. Jamestown was founded in 1607 and initially the colony was extraordinarily unhealthy and unprofitable. At first it was a terrible place to reside because about 7 out of 10 European foreigners died each year. They had a community responsibility pact that everyone would share their harvest with all through the communal store.

Initially, like most greedy people and todays lottery buying ticket worshipers they were hoping to stumble on to mountains of gold and silver like the Spanish had done in Mexico and Peru, but that soon proved a fruitless endeavor. Then a new charter gave each free male colonist his own piece of land to encourage individual initiative, but the settlement still hovered on the thin edge of failure until John Rolfe began to develop tobacco as a cash crop. I always thought the first to discover tobacco other than the Indians or should I be politically correct and say Native Americans was Sir Walter Raleigh , also spelled Ralegh, who was an English landed gentlman, writer, poet, soldier, politician, courtier, spy and explorer. He was cousin to Sir Richard Grenville and younger half-brother of Sir Humphrey Gilbert. He is also well known for popularizing tobacco in England. Raleigh was one of the most notable figures of the Eliabethan era.  The lung cancer causing noxious weed and the sweet lure of nicotine turned out to be the gold the colony was looking for. The colony boomed economically but it still had a serious social problem. There were almost no women. This meant that the men tended to drink too much, gamble too much, and generally live dissolute lives according to the reports at the time. It is certainly believable; bachelors will be bachelors whether in colonial, Virginia or twenty-first century not male bachelorettes in San Francisco, California. Of course, there were Native American women available in the early years of the colony, but that was sadly not a long term solution to the problem. They were good enough to sleep with but not marry. Except for Pocahontas to Johnny Rolfe.

A man would write his family in the old country to help him find a suitable wife and then when they had selected someone he would pay for his bride’s passage. The bride and groom might exchange letters but given the low literacy rates that literacy rate hasn’t changed after over 400 years and the nine months or so it took for a letter to travel back and forth between North America and Europe sometimes they never had any direct communication until the woman arrived on his doorstep. This sort of informal mail order bride process still goes on today and is fairly common in immigrant communities around the world. It also drives the modern international dating business, because often men want to marry a nice African girl like their grandma even if the family has lost all real connections to Africa, or the Czech Republic, or wherever even the planet mars.

Well you don’t really need to write letters these days with having access to the internet. I researched on how much it might cost me for one of them mail ordered brides. I quickly found out that there are three costs associated with pursuing a mail order bride: the communication, the travel expenses and visa/passports when you try to bring one to the United States.

Many mail order bride websites online can connect you with a potential bride to be overseas and these dating websites are no different than any other dating sites that are designed to scam you out of your money. Memberships alone can vary anywhere from supposedly being absolutely free, to as much as $500 plus per month. These costs will depend on the website you sign up for. Generally, the more you pay, the more features you’re going to get. These are just the prices to find the profile of a woman you may want to meet. On average, once everything is all said and done, the overall cost of mail order brides can range anywhere from $15,000 to $25,000. This doesn’t guarantee a wife, though. It’s not unheard of for the budget to get well into the hundreds of thousands. These costs will really depend on the country your mail order bride is from.

The more research I’m doing the less and less I will one day find my mail ordered bride on my doorstep. Now I’m 44 years old and time is running out for me to be able to procreate. My friend Walter Hillaby suggest that I try  International Cupid and its free. He found his second wife Nabooda and shipped her here within 3 months. He wouldn’t tell me how much it costed him though. I sign up. I place my most recent pictures on the site and within minutes I have over 1,500 Nigerian women wanting to hook up with me. In my bio I even stated that I was unemployed and on welfare. Hoping to find someone to take care of me. I also received over 600 emails from women in China who vehemently stated that they were all wealthy.

I’m thinking to myself that I’m just wasting my time until Uwishema 38 of Nyarugenge, Kigali City, Rwanda emails me this outstanding letter on our first of many correspondences. Dear Pierre, I find you to be the handsomest man in the world. For the life of me I don’t understand a man as handsome as you would ever have a need to order a bride. It be my extreme honor if you chose me. I will be more than a good wife to you, but a loyal friend as well. I was floored when I immediately email back to her. She sent me over 100 photos of her lovely self as we communicated over a year. I paid for all the arrangement to cover her cost to get here. I even brought her family 2 goats as a diary to one day marry her. When I got to the airport on the day of my flown air mail bride arrival. It was not the best day of my life. The real Uwishema Lewis was at least 78 years old.