To Love Somebody

“Honey, remember to take the trash out today.”

“Ok, I will. Later, when I finish programming.” 

“How’s it going?” She asks to show support. 

“I’m making progress. It’s slow, but I’m chugging along. That’s why I want to work in the morning when I’m productive.” He puts his best foot forward but she sees there’s some sadness hiding behind that smile. 

“Ok, good luck. Don’t be late!” She’s not willing to open that can of worms yet. She gets to work straightening up the house. It is always a mess when comes home from work. 

It’s been six months since he had to quit his job. The US is not kind to expats. He has been working on his projects, but in the world of web apps there’s never a guarantee that people will be willing to pay money for digital products. He’s had to cut down on his clay shooting trips. She only makes enough to cover the basics. Traveling, unfortunately, does not fit into the tight budget. He used to love going out to competitions twice a month, but now he’s grounded. With less work and no more trips he has no more excuses why he “can’t” stay with the kid, or help out.

Later that evening, she’s tired but in full force. She is cooking dinner, and reminds him he needs to take out the trash. She has a long list of chores on her mind: cook dinner, take the kid out to the playground, do the dishes, fold the clothes, remember to get her son a new pair of trousers for the wedding that’s coming up this weekend, and more. 

“Honey, it’s too hot outside. It’ll take the trash out later.”

“That’s what you said yesterday”. 

She reminds him of a list of common excuses: it’s too hot, I’m too tired, it’s too late, I want to finish this and do another commit. She’s frustrated. She could start a fight and let it all out, but there’s that shadow of sadness over him again. So, she takes a deep breath, sits down and takes his hand in hers. She can’t get closer, because she still blames him. It is not like he cannot get a job. Just yesterday he told her that there are 900k job vacancies for IT work in Europe. No, he wants to retire early, and make it on his own. 

“What’s really going on with you?” she asks gently. “You don’t look tired anymore. You look sad.”

“I think I’m a bit depressed.”

“Is it cabin fever? You haven’t been going to competitions much.”

“Yeah, I do miss shooting. And there’s so much to do on the website. It takes a lot of focus to remind myself to keep at it. It has to have all the pieces in place, otherwise it’s not going to work.”

“Why don’t you go out to the playground with David? It would be good for both of you”, and take at least one task of her mind.

“Nah. I get bored. I can’t stay there for more than half an hour.” Frustration is bubbling up in her chest again, but she keeps it down. He is depressed after all. 

“Why don’t you go out to run in the evening. You like to exercise, and you haven’t been moving enough lately.”

“I’d like that, but I don’t want to do it alone. You should come two! You need to get your heart rate up at least three times a week. You’re not healthy right now.”

Here she is, trying to help him, and he thinks it is a good idea to point out HER flaws?! Does he not realise he is adding another task to her already crazy schedule?! Now there’s anger inside. Her face shows it. She’s about to let all the angry words vomit out. He knows she hates running. But all of a sudden she remembers...that voice inside her heart is telling her that he’s the only one who’s ever pushed her to get better; to find a better college, to be more assertive, to eat healthier, to be a calmer mom. He’s the only one who cares enough to get in the line of fire and tell her those things. He’s the only one who ever told her “I love you” so many times.

She opens her mouth and instead of hate she finds herself saying: 

“Ok, if it gets you out of the house we can go running...” How on Earth did she manage not to blow up?! Those meditation classes must be paying off!

“When do you want to go?” His mood has changed. There is light in his face now.

“Amm, after dinner I guess.” She does not share his joy yet.  

“Ok, be ready! I’m going to go do some more programming until dinner.” He gets up to head for the office. “Oh, wait. The trash. Where is it?” With a pep in his step he grabs all the bags and heads out, but not before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Love you, let me know when dinner is ready”, and he is out.

Four weeks later, they have been running three times a week to get to 5k. Her legs have toned up and she has lost two pounds. The runs are ok. She feels energised afterwards. She kept calling her friend Susan to join the runs. That friend who is always saying she wants to lose weight. She is always trying out all sorts of diets: paleo, keto, low-carb, no-carb, some-carb. That madness.

“Did you call Susan to come running?” he asks.

“I did, but this time she says she has too much housework to do. Last time she was tired. Before that she had a salon appointment. Can you see a pattern?” she replies with a smile on her face.

“Call her again he says.” He’s more used to pushing people out of their comfort zone.

She calls Susan again and asks her to come out for a run. “You’ll feel more energised. Come on!” But Susan goes on about the housework like there is someone standing behind her with a whip. 

She listens calmly and reminds Susan that she has that much housework everyday. She tries to calm Susan down saying that there is no need to do it all in one day. This makes Susan bring out the big guns—her job. How her boss makes mistakes and never takes the blame, how there is negativity in the office. 

She listens calmly. “Susan, no job is perfect. It’s ok.” Susan decides to bring out the knockout argument. “Yeah but I work longer hours and my job is more stressful!” She left out “than yours”. Susan knows she works part-time as a teacher. And all these teachers do is play with kids all day. 

Her patience is wearing off. She knows Susan is throwing out all these excuses just to get out of running. It is like talking to Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. One time she says “call me when you go running,” and when it is time to run, she throws in everything but the kitchen sink.

“Go do your housework. Bye!'' she says. A couple of hours should be enough for Susan to cool off. 

They have known each other for two years now. She knows she can always count on Susan for help, and Susan can always count on her for honesty. Their relation has only grown deeper with time. Two hours later she calls Susan again.

“That was quite a performance you did earlier, but now it’s time to go running. We’ll pick you up in 10 minutes.” 

“Ok. I’ll be there,” Susan laughs defeated.

“Is she coming?” He asks after she hangs up. 

“Yes she is.” She smiles. “Thanks for teaching me that when you love someone you never give up on them.” This time he gets a kiss. The kid gets a kiss. The boy skips out, she follows, and he locks the door.