How A Man Can Go Ape For One Primate

How A Man Can Go Ape For Onc Primate

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a 18 year-old boy named Jack. He’d just graduated from Pittsburgh University. It really stunk so people called it, “P. U..” His master’s degree was in psychology, except he didn’t want to be a psychologist. During his junior year there, he was looking for a job to give a way to earn some money so he could hang with his frat brothers and everybody else who always gets a high-paying job while they’re in school. When he went to the Unemployment Line, he was really trying hard to find a job he could do in town, but none of them sounded like something he’d be able to excel at.

That’s when one of his frat brothers told him about an amazing job in town that he had great potential for being quite good at, a baby-sitter position. Even though that was usually an occupation girls do, he couldn’t find anything else on the list, and desperate times called for some desperate measures. He accepted the position, filled out the application and went down there for the interview all in the same day. That made him a little sceptical because none of his frat brothers got tier jobs that easily. Still, he went to the address that was shown on the ad.

As he rang the doorbell, the woman peaked through the peep-hold at him, which made him a little suspicious about the kind of person he’d be working with. When the door cracked open and a voice said, “Yes! What can I do for you, Mr.?” Yet he swallowed hard then stated he had come to apply for Job. That was listed in the unemployment office. When he said those words, the door suddenly flew open and a middle-aged woman was there, smiling. She said, “Oh, please come in! I’m having a really difficult time finding some help with my position!”

“Well, isn’t it just a baby-sitting job?” asked Tom with a kind of half-way smile on his face.

“On, yes! Yes! That’s exactly what it is!” said the old lady frantically nodding her head. “I’ve been having a really hard time finding somebody who will take on the job! I’ll pay you $20.00 an hour if you will accept! None of the other people who have applied want to work here!”

“Well, may I see the babies?” asked Tom, who was somewhat apprehensive at her response.

“Of course!” said the old lady. She turned around and called out, “Come on Tim and Tom!”

To Tom’s surprise, 2 monkeys came running into the room. Tom’s mouth almost hit the floor when he saw them. Then the old lady said, “I’ll be back in 6 hours! Have fun with the children!”

Before Tom could say anything, she’d shut the door. By the time it registered with him what had just happened, the old woman had was gone, leaving Tom there with the 3 baby monkeys, all smiling at him. He thought they were all cute, but wasn’t prepared to be a money-sitter. Still, the job was his so he had to make the best of the situation anyway.

Luckily one of the monkeys had a name tag on him which said, “Misty” and the other’s said, “Mr.” on it. Tom let out a deep sigh, then tried to think positively about the job, although he really was, “positive” he didn’t want to have that job, which he had signed up for in that lady’s house.

The first thing one of the monkeys did was too climb up on the chandelier holding a fistfull of monkey food. As Jack smiled at him he said, “Alright, fellows, let me make this fact clear, I’m here to take care of you. We can all have a really fun time if you will just,”

By then the monkeys had crawled up to the chandelier and were swinging on it. Tom tried to get them to come down, but he may as well have been trying to tell a thunderhead not to make any sounds or rain on him. Then the monkeys grabbed some china off the top shelf of a cabinet after they’d opened the doors. Before Tom could yell, “No! Don’t do that!” but the monkeys were already passing the sparkling, extremely expensive-looking plates and bowls across the room to each other like they were playing a game of keep-away. Before Tom could even open his mouth to say, “No! Don’t do that!” he heard the horrible, nauseating sound of breaking bowls and plates as they hit the floor. Tom ran into the kitchen then to get a broom and dustpan to clean up the broken china which must have cost a fortune. When the other monkey had opened the drier and was throwing the clean clothes all over the floor, which had gotten dirty by some certain animals whom shall remain nameless. Jack tried not to yell at the 2 destructive creatures as they ran around the house, purposely making as many messes as they could, and as quickly as possible. It was like they were playing a game of trying to make a game called destruction. So far the monkeys were winning, while Jack was losing miserably. The score of that game was already something like Monkeys 65, Jack, 0. He needed to know how to discipline those, “children” without making them furious at him. Poor Jack kept reaching for the phone to call and ask the old woman how to discipline those so-called, “children” without making them turn absolutely furious at him. Yet so far those wild apes were literally, “making a monkey out of Jack” since he was afraid to try and discipline them somehow. He was constantly running from one monkey to the other because each one of them kept trying to do something bad which would most certainly get Jack in trouble. As if that wasn’t bad enough, one of the monkeys grabbed the keys to the other car that wasn’t being used in the driveway. Before Jack could yell, “No! Come back here!” One of them had already opened the car door and put the key in the ignition. Poor Jack went charging out the front door to stop that monkey from starting up the car and possibly driving off with it somewhere, God only knows which direction he’d go in. That meant he had to run out of the house in order to stop the monkey who was already in the driver’s seat and had turned on the ignition. He knew there was no way for any monkey to reach the gas pedal and be able to steer at the same time, which spelled disaster for every- body concerned, mostly himself. The other monkey was in the house laughing hysterically as Tom ran towards the car which had already had the motor on and was moving out towards the highway, being driven by an ape. Jack jumped on the window, but it was not before the crazy animal had already crashed into another car. Jack was counting on luck to have everybody who was involved come out clean, without any accidents, and he had a lot of luck indeed. Still, Unfortunately, it just happened to be the wrong kind of luck, bad. The car crash into just happened to be one which had a flashing, red light on top. As the cop got out of his car and walked up to see Jack, who was sitting in the passenger’s seat and Timmy behind the steering wheel. The officer laughed when he noticed the monkey behind the steering wheel and Jack sitting in the passenger’s seat, trying to look innocent, but was having a really difficult time.

“Well, now,” said the policeman with a smile as he saw the money behind the wheel and Jack trying to crawl over the back seat to get up front, “This is really going to be one dilly of a ticket! Let’s see, there’s driving recklessly on a busy highway, exceeding the speed limit by 49 miles-per-hour, allowing somebody to drive the car without a licence, failure to stop when confronted by a policeman, reckless driving, this car doesn’t have a licence plate on it I see, crossing over the judge’s front lawn totally ruining his flower guardian, not to mention his prize-winning flowers, which is probably not going to go over too well with him.”

“Please, officer,” said Jack, who was seeing dollar-signs flashing by in his head, “just give me the green-stamp. You don’t have to make a federal case out of it!” To say he was absolutely furious would have been a gross understatement. His little primate, “buddy” had cost him megabucks, which was something he definitely did not have very much of at that point in his life.

When he got home with the 2 Satan’s children, they had no clue why he was so upset. All that mattered to them was that they were having fun, making his life extremely difficult. He fed them and put them both to bed immediately after they had finished feeding-their-faces. Actu- ally, he was hoping they’d fall asleep when they were put into a dark room after having such an exciting day of creating havoc for their dear owner. Instead when he turned out the light and left the room, he was hoping they would just go to sleep, but instead they were both planning their next bit of havoc to cause their poor owner and actually, “poor” was a good adjective to describe his financial situation because of those little hoodlums, or as he referred to them, Satan’s demons. At least they did resemble people, only you couldn’t see the horns sticking up in the backs of their heads. Even the devil himself wouldn’t have anything to do with those evil creatures.

However, Jack’s job monkey-sitting was fast becoming a task that wasn’t worth the hassle. In fact, the next day Jack took those 2 hoodlums from Hadeas to the local zoo, thinking they’d be a lot better off there with more animals of their own species. Instead, when they saw the place Jack was taking them, they revolted since they didn’t want to be dropped off somewhere. Yet as they saw other primates of the same species in the cages, they relaxed somewhat. That made Jack feel less like somebody who was dropping them off somewhere just to get rid of them. On his way home after leaving them there, he sighed a tremendous sigh of relief. “Good riddance to bad rubbish!” he told himself as he drove home, and yet on his way there he began to feel like more of a quitter. He’d never quit anything in his life and he didn’t want to start then. He turned his car around and went back to the same place he’d just dropped the monkey’s off, but when he went in and asked to see them again, the man told him somebody had already bought them. The guy he sold them to wanted to make monkey meat out of them and sell it to a man who prepared baked money burgers as a delicacy. “Well, good riddance to bad rubbish!” he thought to himself, smiling at his good luck, but the further he got from that place where they did those horrible things just to get monkey meat, his blood began to boil. He turned around and went back into the same place where he’d sold them. Yet when the man told him they’d already turned them into monkey meat to bake, his heart sank. He felt like he’d just given his best friends, or even a close relatives to a man who was going to eat them. He cried all the way home, and continued crying throughout the rest of that day and into the evening. That was terrible.

That night as he got in his bed, he prayed that the Lord would give him a chance to repent of the things he’d done to those pesky primates. They had been more trouble than they were worth, but no creature deserved to suffer that kind of fate. As he lay in bed praying for God to forgive him and that He’d give him another chance to make it up somehow, he began getting visions of those 2 creatures from Hadees tearing up his house and doing all the bad things they had done to make him so mad at them. Yet as he did that, he got a feeling that those 2 primate were still.

That was when he got in his car and sped down to where he had dropped them off. He ran through the front door and asked the man to let him buy back the 2 monkeys he

had sold him, but he said they’d already been turned into monkey meat and their fur was used to make warm coats, but that he could buy one if he paid the man for it. He said, “No thanks.” Then went outside to weep bitterly. Yet as he stood there sobbing his eyes out, suddenly he got a vision of them both still being alive. That made him run back to the monkey-meet place and said he wanted to buy some live monkeys to take home with him to have as pets. The man told him he’d just turned the last 2 monkeys right into monkey meat. As he turned around and began to cry, he heard a familiar sound from far away, and it sounded like his 2 heathens crying for him. He ran back into the place and then asked the man who was mincing up the meeting to let him see those last 2 he’d just received. The man said, “I’m sorry, son, those monkeys have already been ground up.” Yet Jack had the strong feeling that it wasn’t true. He ran past the men who were about to ground the meat into tiny particles, when he heard a familiar cry. It was his primates! They were alive! Thah Jack shouted, “There they are! Those are my apes! I’ll buy them back! Please tell me your cost! I’ll pay any price to get them back! Just don’t you dare hurt them! Those 2 evolutionists belong to me! I am their rightful owner not!”

The man stopped his machine and opened the door wide. The monkeys screamed with utter delight to see their beloved owner running towards them to open the cage and let them out. They were all the happiest creatures God had ever put on this planet at that point in time. The man who was about to kill them saw how much they meant to Jack. He kept yelling their names and they kept screaming back at him with the most relieved voice anybody had ever heard. There never were any more ecstatic creatures on the face of the Earth then all of those 3 were when they finally got together again. “Boy!” said Jack, “How much do you want for them?”

When the man saw how ecstatic the whole gang was to finally be together again, he said, “I’ll tell you what, they’re priceless animals, but since you love them so much I’ll just charge you zero dollars and zero cents, but that’s the rock bottom lowest I’m willing to go for them!”

As it turned out, since those missing-links were so extremely important to Jack, they were treated with the absolute utmost kindness and ended up living on this old planet Earth a much longer time than any mortal ape would have ever survived in those kinds of surroundings. Their love that they each had for each other gave all 3 of them something really super-spectacular to just be looking forward to in their lives. Because of that, all of those parties involved with each other’s happiness throughout their lives were all extremely long and happy years. The coolest part about it all is one of them, “went ape” the entire time they were alive here on this old planet. That meant since everybody was so filled with God’s kind of Agophey lover, they all lived a mighty lengthy lifetime while they were here on this old Earth. They each got everything life had to offer them, so that meant they were all filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory because that’s how all of God’s children deserve to be all the time for those who love Him and have that great intimate kind of relationship with Him. Put your trust in Him and He’ll help you get over all kinds of problems you might be going through, and another thing, nobody will get to, “make a monkey out of you” just so long as you have got the mind-of-Christ between your ears. That means He will, “ape”-ear in your life and meet all your needs. That will help you be the kind of, “chimp”-ian He wants you to be like. It will keep the devil from making a monkey out of you. It means you will be the, “chimp-ian” of everything you attempt to do throughout your entire life- time spent here on this planet. He will also lead you to the best mate He wants you to have, and it will not be a, “pri-’mate.’ “ When that happens, nobody will be able to, “make a monkey out of you.” Rather, you can be a real, “swinger” above everybody else. One problem I have is with the food they eat since I don’t know when to stop when spelling, “banananas.” The fact that you have read this story means you’re already a real, “swinger” in my book. Also keep in mind to watch what you do since, “monkey see, monkey do.” Just put your faith in the Lord, and when that occurs, He will really put the hall into every “Hallelujah!” The end