Coffee

       I wake up with a groggy mind, with thoughts swimming lazily about. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed, although I don’t remember moving to my bed from the couch last night. I suppose I have always had a terrible memory, so I’m not sure why this would be any different. I pick my phone up from the nightstand and look at it. No new notifications, no new texts. I breathe out. Of course not, no one ever texts me, why would today be any different?

             I walk to the kitchen drowsily, my head still extra foggy from having just woken up. Not that it makes much difference, because lately I’ve been finding I always feel this way. When I enter the kitchen, I start to look through the cabinets, searching for coffee. I quickly remember that I had run out yesterday and meant to buy more. So, now I need to go out and have slight social interaction with people who are never happy with their lives, but always pretending they are.

             I sigh and drop my head slightly, accidentally banging my head on the corner of the cabinet door I had opened. I angrily curse under my breath and reach my hand up to my head, checking to see if I’m bleeding. My forehead is sore, and I’ll have a horrible headache later, but I’m not bleeding. I head back to my room to throw on some pajama pants, an old T-shirt, and some slides.

             As I’m walking to the door, I remember to grab my keys. I reach out to take the keys off their hook, and instead knock them to the floor. They jangle loudly as they hit about every possible thing on its way down. My head throbs, and I know going to the market will not be good for my head. I stand for a moment, trying to figure out if I want to go to the market, the fancy coffee shop, or the grocery store. Pulling my phone out of my pocket and glancing at it for the time, I decide to go to the coffee shop as it will most likely have the least people at this time.

             I bend over to pick the keys up, and finally head out the door. I walk down the stairs to my apartment in big, clunky steps. The neighbors will probably get ticked off, but I don’t really care. As I start the trip to my car, it starts raining. Not anywhere near enough to get me soaked, just enough to be annoying. When I finally get in my car, I sit for a moment before starting it. I rest my head on the steering wheel gently, but it still hurts. I attempt to prepare myself for the social interaction, even though I can never fully prepare myself for the instant and total draining of all my energy.

             It takes ages to get to the coffee shop, so long that it is nearly 10 AM by the time I arrive. I park in a spot that is a bit from the shop, as I couldn’t find any closer and make my way towards the shop. People brush against me, not caring about any semblance of personal space. I try to ignore it, but it gets increasingly uncomfortable the more I witness how inconsiderate people can be. As I prepare to walk in the coffee shop, someone hits me with the door and proceeds to run into me, spilling their ice-cold coffee down my shirt.

             I suck my breath in through my teeth, as it was already cold outside, and I’ve now been turned into a walking ice cube. I glare up to and get ready to chew him out, but when I meet his eyes, he already seem so tired and worried. As he starts to apologize, I let my breath out in a short sigh. I tuck my hands in the pocket of my pants and wait for him to be done talking.

             “I am so, so, so sorry! I’m usually more careful, but I need- I thought I needed to check my phone- “He takes a deep breath and starts shaking slightly. He looks like he is about to break down.

             “Hey, it’s okay, man. Don’t stress about it.” I say, surprising myself by meaning it.

             “It’s not okay! Let me get you a coffee, ‘cause now I have to go in and buy myself another one too.” I hesitate for a moment, as I don’t particularly enjoy taking favors from people. I decide to let him buy me a coffee though, because money is tight, and he is already buying one for himself.

             “Um, sure. Thank you.” He lets out a small laugh.

             “I just spilled cold coffee on your shirt and you’re thanking me? The absolute least I could do is attempt to make up for it.” He pushes the door open farther and we step inside together.

             As we wait in line, I take a better look at him. He looks to be about the same age as me, maybe a little younger. He has blonde-brown hair that appears to have mostly washed-out red hair dye at the ends. That makes me curious. Most guys don’t dye their hair, and if they do, they dye it black or an unnatural hair color. Not a soft red.

             He seems like a generally shy person, and I feel bad that he got so worked up. He is slightly short, seeming to be an inch or two smaller than me. He has a sweater on, some worn-out jeans, and a pair of high top shoes. He seems very tired, his eyes darker than what I’m assuming is normal, and a slouching posture. He’s doing a pretty good job at trying to hide it, as I hadn’t really noticed until I looked a bit closer.

             We are finally at the front of the line. He explains what happened to the cashier, who looks entertained by the short tale. He orders a caramel frappe, and I order a random ‘daily special’ that they have up on their board. As I’m taking my order, he wanders over to the pastry display case and asks for a chocolate covered glazed donut. He then looks at me and asks what I want.

             “I, uh, I’m good. I don’t really like sweets.” I respond, not wanting him to expect anything out of me in return.

             “Okay, we’ll take a croissant as well then!” He says, and walks back up to the register, pulling out his wallet and sliding a twenty out. He hands it to the cashier and slides his change into the tips jar. We walk to the side slightly, waiting for the order to be ready.

             “Why did you buy me that croissant? You were already buying me a coffee, and you didn’t even have to do that.” I ask him, my curiosity winning over what little manners I have. He looks surprised by my asking, but that is quickly replaced by an embarrassed look.

             “Well, you see…” He shifts his weight between his feet and looks down at them. He looks extremely uncomfortable, “My mom got sick a couple months ago. She- she hasn’t been doing very good, and we had to put her in the hospital yesterday.” He takes a shaky breath, “I got a notification on my phone and I thought it was an update on her… but it was just a spam email. Kinda silly, huh?” He gives me a forced smile and reaches his hand up and rubs the back of his head.

             “No, that’s not silly. You wanted to make sure someone you cared about was okay, and it was just incredibly poor timing. Plus, it’s just a shirt and it can be fixed pretty quickly. If it was something with your mom, I’m sure it would have been something that shouldn’t have waited.” I realize how sincere I was with this person that I don’t know, and quickly avert my gaze. Damn. I really just sounded like a whole sap.

“Thank you… That actually means a lot.” He seems like he is about to say something else, but he gets cut off as the barista calls out our order. We get our coffee and pastries and head to a small table in the corner, away from most the other coffee shop patrons.

“Oh, hey! Let me get your number so I can talk to you later! I mean, if you’re okay with that…” He says and I smile.

“Only if I can get yours.” I open the contacts on my phone and hand it to him, and he does the same. When he hands my phone back, I look at the name he typed in, as we haven’t even introduced ourselves yet. It reads, ‘Chase Donovan’

We continue talking for quite some time, well after we finish eating. When he has to go to work, I feel disappointed that he has to leave. This was the first time in months that I have held up a conversation with someone and not hated it. On my walk home everything seems just a little better. Brushing arms against strangers is still annoying, but definitely more tolerable.

Maybe this was a sign I didn’t know I needed.