Something About Me

I walk into my dorm room with two large boxes filled with clothes and personal items. My parents are with me, helping me unpack and meeting with my roommate. My roommate was chosen by random, so it is also my first time meeting them. I proceed to glance around at the blank slate of gray walls in the room. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable seeing nothing familiar, but at the same time excited to explore new ways to make it feel like home. It felt like just yesterday that I was in high school, talking and laughing with friends that I would see everyday. I’m reminded again that I may not see them again for the rest of my life, and that scares me. I figure that I can make lots of new friends here, but they couldn’t ever replace the people I had known in high school. As of right now, I have no idea where I will be even two weeks from now; however, this is my new life, and it starts right in this dorm room. 

    New responsibilities is not the first thing that comes with getting into college, it’s also about finding new people to interact with and new ways to cope with change. The idea of so much change happening all at once can be so daunting to many, and it can drive those many away from a big university such as Indiana. It’s a good thing that I had met a handful of people at an introduction ceremony for the particular school I have chosen to attend. Through them I have already been introduced to other friends of theirs and I have done the same for them. I am living in a Living-Learning community that allows me to interact with people who are all studying similar subjects which encourages me to interact with people and make connections. From the moment I wake up and step outside I am greeted by people who have at least one thing in common with me, and that at least makes me feel more comfortable. 

    It’s the first day of classes and I am heading towards my Japanese introduction class. I’m excited but also nervous with a little bit of anxiety mixed in. For the first time in my life I have chosen to pursue a path that can change my life forever, and I am acting on it here and now. But this also begs the question: what does the future hold for me? The question lingers throughout the whole day, continuously going unanswered. Have I been making the right choices? Am I choosing the right things for myself? Am I able to become what I wish to become? Instead of paying complete attention during all my introductory classes throughout the day, I was questioning my decisions and my place in the world. I finally got back to my dorm and saw all my belongings sprawled out on my side of the room in a way I didn’t see fit. It again made me uncomfortable. I lay down on my bed, feeling a little homesick and exhausted, and went to sleep early. 

    I awake the next morning feeling both uneasy and confused. I miss seeing my family, I miss seeing my dogs, I miss being home. I have come to a realization that there are many things I take for granted in my daily life, and the largest one being my family. It takes a moment for me to realize that this is what change is like. Change is uncomfortable, it pushes us out of our boundaries, it makes us do something we have never done before, and it is all the more necessary to develop as a person and adapt to new situations. I’m not alone in this situation either, every other freshman on campus is going through a similar, if not the same, situation as I am. I have people I can go to and relate with here. That’s why I’m here.

    All throughout the day I felt more comfortable with the realization that it’s normal to feel homesick and anxious. Besides, these feelings are just a result of my body getting me prepared to enter new territory and challenges. So why not go all out and try my best? – And with this new mindset, I can finally begin my college journey. I’ve come to assume there are going to be bumps along the road, some small, some large, but in the end I’ll get to where I want to go. 

    My first semester proceeded to be fairly simple and not too stressful for me. My drive to do my best without needing any extrinsic motivation, meant that the source of my motivation came from my newfound responsibility and discipline that I had learned myself. Both traits arose because of college, and so did my social life. Throughout the semester I went out with new people, made new experiences, and fostered new relationships. It reminds me much about my final semester in high school. Despite there being a heavy workload towards the summer, I had learned that I could juggle my workload and free time well. I simply had to relearn it through college, perhaps because I was not sure how in depth the courses were going to be. 

    I’ve still got much to go, but I’ve become somewhat more of a competent college student. I’ve learned how to connect with others outside of my classes, to manage my time, and how to deal with change. Although I had a rough start, it was worth it in the end and I truly have come to treasure all the experiences that I have had leading up to this point. The future isn’t so scary to me anymore. Whatever happens in my future will happen and only I can dictate defining moments and decisions that will alter it. I had no idea that I could adapt in such a small amount of time to a situation so foreign to me. And it’s for this very reason that I find life so exciting and that I wish to seek out more situations such as these.