quietus.

"10, 9, 8,"

Looking back, my time here - the memories, the adventures - it all feels like... a waste. The joys of being with my family, well... friends, I guess is what I should be calling them. Right?

On one of the many summers of the decade, we went hiking, then to a carnival. We set up little tents and messed around like we were still the same careless teenagers we used to be.

There was a time one of my friends were climbing a tree then jumped off into the river, we all did it, it was so scary but so thrilling and fun.

That time, I felt immortal and free. I felt as if I was transformed into a god, suddenly, I had wings and I flew down to the river with my friends.

Being with them makes me feel alive. I don't know how to explain it but in the end of time, I wanna be with them since they're the only ones who actually cared for me... or at least, I hope they do.

I don't really think they like me anymore after a whole month of ignoring them to make myself mentally better and to focus on my work.

All that work, lead to me being... whatever state I'm in.

"7, 6, 5,"

She looks so radiant under the moonlit sky. Her shining silver dress and her eyes who shone like the pacific. Holding red roses that complimented her. Luke would probably agree with me here, obviously he will.

The time I fell for her was is amusing, it was in high school, I saw her walking and one of my friends took notice of it - as a way to tease me, he walked over to her and tried getting her to talk to me. We talked, yeah but it was really awkward.

Overtime, that girl I fell for, she became my best friend and also someone I pined for.

That time, the world gave me rose tinted glasses, and foolish little me accepted it.

The whole venue was stunned when she walked down the aisle. Even I did. That time, I fell for her even more than before.

Too bad... I wasn't the one she was getting married to. It felt so bittersweet when she asked me to walk her down the aisle.

As soon as I got home, I was crying. I was heartbroken but after a few days, I realized that life will go on and it won't wait for anyone, so you have to hop on the ride and move on... even if it hurts, you have to.

"4, 3, 2"

There was this one time when I was with my family or I guess just my dad. It was Christmas, I wanted to go see my mom but every single time I asked him to take me, he got mad.

I just wanted to spend time with my mom because for two years, I haven't been with her. Even for the slightest second, he wouldn't just let me go to the cementery cemetery to see her.

If I was there now, I would buy her favorite flowers, chrysanthemums. We first came across those flowers on a hiking trip. There were so many colors and it looked amazing.

If I was home and she wasn't... dead, we would've decorated a tree, baked a few cakes and gave them away to others.

I remember that one time, she bought me a piano and we played it together.

It's like that every year and not just on Christmas, he made me go through it every thanksgiving and new years - kinda like now but slightly different.

I remember going around the city on Christmas Eve, we were just driving around with music on and the lights looked amazing, every year we went the years we went, I was so interested in the lights and there's no reason not to be. Trust me, if you were there, you'd fall in love with the city lights too.

Before she passed, I felt that my parents were equally as bad, but before I moved out, my dad felt like the worst person on earth, using manipulation and guilt tripping against me.

"1! Happy New Year!"

Fireworks shoot up the sky, they look amazing but I don't think I'd see them for much longer. Blue, red, green. yellow, purple. People were heard clapping and enjoying the first day of the year.

The world looked so happy and carefree. I wanna be part of that too but I can't.

Do you remember the time we were sitting on that field that had so many flowers? We were all just messing around until the last minutes, then we watching the stars together, remember the shooting star we saw? On the final seconds, we were together, watching the fireworks and then lastly, the first sunrise.

I miss those simpler times, I wish we were still that young. Free, happy and nothing to worry about. I want a time machine just so I can tell my past self to stop sulking and do what my heart says.

They said I'm leaving this year, I don't really want to. If only I can spend the last few seconds of my life with them but the doctors said no. That's alright, I spend most of my time alone anyways, what even is the difference?

As a parting gift, I guess, they said I could go outside once. I didn't go out. I don't want to be given the false hope of being freed from these shackles, I'd rather just look outside to that lemon tree my friends planted a few years ago.

Who is this letter even for? Honestly, I don't even know myself I just hope this can reach everyone I need it to reach.

Don't forget me,

Alex

Alex's cold, lifeless corpse looked the same but paler and... as strange as it seems, happier. Nonetheless, everyone had tears in their eyes when they walked in and saw him.