Pandemonium

When I was informed that I would have to work from home for the forseeble future I was a trifle uncertain as to whether I should let out a whoop of pure glee and do three handsprings ,or tear my hair and fall into a black depression. Never having been cast as a " Worker From Home" before I felt a bit at sea as to how best to play the part. However, upon giving the role a bit of thought I concluded that being naturally of a more buoyant ,humorous turn of mind, I would try out the whoop of glee approach first since it would undoubtedly be easier to maintain, and I could presumably revert to the Black Depression And Tearing of Hair take on it if it turned out to be more fitting.

Having settled that important matter I proceeded to implement it forthwith to the great consternation of my menagerie. The whoop of glee was not well recieved to put things mildly. The cat scaled the dinning room curtains with an amazing display of speed and agility, the dog dove under the bed and flatly refused to come out, and the parrot let out such an earsplitting screech that my ears rang for a week! To sum it up you might say that emitting whoops of glee in close proximity to ones pets is not well recieved by said pets.

I never did get around to doing the three handsprings ,being fully occipied in trying to coax the cat down from the curtain , the dog from under the bed, and convince the parrot that quite sufficient ear splitting noise had been produced for the day.

When I finally got things in order again I was so exausted that I decided to scrap my original enthusiasm and try my hand at being a Gloomy Worker From Home as opposed to the obviously hopeless Gleeful Whooping and Handspring Turning one. That being decided upon I fell into the gloomiest of gloomy desponds that I could conjure up on such short notice ( it isnt as easy as you might think even if your ears are ringing and your new curtains have just aquired a large number of highly undecorative claw marks ) trod feebly across the living room carpet , and sank limply into my chair. Unfortunately, in my preoccupation with playing the role to the hilt I failed to look before doing my best Sinking Limply Into Chair act, with the result that I sank limply , and then sprang up again without the slightest trace of limpness to be seen by even the keenest of observers. I had sat fair and square upon my latest acquisition and I defy even the most dedicated and brilliant of actors to sit upon such a beast and not instantaneously and totally lose all traces of limpness.

Before I could collect myself , make a recover from the latest setback, and make one last feeble attempt at the Tearing of Hair Act the dog emerged , his terror quite forgotten , and proceeded to indulge in a little mild mid- morning exercise. That being his description ( not mine) of chasing the cat five times around the room and up the curtain again. ( The other curtain this time so now at least they have matching rents in them.) Upon which the parrot , his lungs apperently in fine working order and not in the least fatigued by his previous efforts, began to run up and down his perch and resume his efforts to screech the house down around our ears. My Newest Acquisition , having recovered its poise in an astoundingly short space of time after its near brush with Death By Being Sat Upon did not add to the ensuing pandemonium but rather sat sedately, observing the goings on with what appeared to me to be a distinct smirk. I suppose I should have been pleased with it for being such a well behaved Addition To The Menagerie but somehow being smirked at while surrounded by something closly resembling Bedlam is not endearing. In fact I had a sudden almost overpowering urge to box the thing up and send it streight back where it came from. However ,I squelched the impulse and contented myself with casting it a withering glance and moving the parrot cage a trifle in its direction. An action guerenteed to wipe the smirk from anyone or anythings face unless it is absolutly stone deaf. Parrots are not renowned for their soft melodious voices and an outraged parrot in full cry is really most impressive and quite impossible to ignore. The Nèw Addition ceased to smirk, arose with amazing alacrity, and fled from the scene without a single backward glance.

At about that point in the proceedings the boss called me up to ask after an all important paper which had somehow mysteriously vanished ( I later discovered it in a corner quite full of interesting snippety marks for which I blame the parrot. ) I , feeling not quite the Thing informed him in icy accents that I hereby resigned my possition as Worker At Home and if he dared ever suggest such a horrid idea to me again I would make him a present of Cat, Dog, Parrot and Newest Aquisition and vanish into deepest Africa never to be seen again. He must have absorbed the all important point that his Worker From Home was in a delicate and sensative frame of mind because instead of persuing the matter of the Disappearing Paper, asking me what the climate of my chosen portion of deepest Africa was like, or one of any number of other highly humerous ( or highly provoking as the case may be) remarks that might possibly leap to the mind of a well rested boss not suffering from sever agitation of the nerves brought about by attempting to work in the midst of the Pandemonium arising from a menagerie gone berserk, he was most diplomatic and made soothing noises before beating a hasty retreat. I gather he really did think I might just bequeeth him my menagerie and I somehow got the feeling he was less than keen on the prospect of being a Boss From Home, aided and abetted by a cat , a dog, a parrot and last but not least , my Newest Acquisition!