You Need Me

I found him sitting in his car out in the parking lot outside the bank where he worked. I stood beside the car for a minute, gazing inside, soaking in the way he stared off into space, trembled, sobbed, wiped his tears, rinsed, and repeated. The whole cycle made my ears burn red hot. I clenched my jaw and fists, imagining what it would feel like to bash his window in with a rock and dive inside to strangle him with my bare hands. Instead I took a deep breath, counted to five, and approached the car to let myself in.

I ducked inside quickly. The cool dry air from the AC vents bellowed past my damp forehead and tousled my hair. "Ugh," I sighed, sliding into the seat and slamming the door shut behind me. "I can't believe you thought you could get through this without me." I leveled a firm, glowering stare at him.

He shook, startled, and his eyes went wide. "Who are you?" he barked, pressing himself against the driver's side door.

I pursed my lips, fuming and biting the tip of my tongue. I was sure my nostrils were flaring as I took in another deep breath and held it, counting to five. "You really should know me," I said stiffly through my teeth. "I've been trying to reach you for almost twenty years now, Nicholas." I let out an exasperated sigh.

"How do you know my name?" he gasped, clawing at his door in search of the handle.

"Can I call you Nick?" I asked, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. I drew in a long, hot breath. I tried cracking a friendly smile, but I could feel an outburst building. My jaw muscles ached as I ground my teeth behind the failed expression of friendliness.

He just stared at me, his red, irritated eyes bulging while they searched my face with big, dilated pupils. "Who are you?" he breathed.

I sucked in a slow, measured breath through my nose. "Nick, we need to talk." I said it slowly, a growl building deep in my chest.

"I don't know you," he began.

"That's precisely the problem!" I cried, my voice cracking with the fury of an exploding firework shell. "If you hadn't ignored me all these years you'd be doing a lot better right now! Heck, the whole reason you're even in this mess is because you kicked me out of your life and decided to go it alone!"

Nick withered, wincing and curling toward a classic fetal position.

I took a trembling but deep breath and held it, opting to count all the way to ten this time. I closed my eyes and put on a false smile, curling my lips in so I could bite them to give my tongue a break.

"What are you talking about?" Nick's quivering words trickled into my ears through the wake left by my tantrum.

I opened my eyes and glared at him. "You've been married... what, fifteen years now? Going on twenty?"

He nodded sheepishly.

"And right out the gate she was spending money secretly, hiding relationships from you, and lying to you about the stupidest things." I spat out the last few words with venomous force.

Nick grimaced and shrugged. "We knew a relationship would be difficult fo..."

"Don't make excuses for her!" I roared, punctuating it with a sardonic laugh. "You're always making excuses for her and you have got to stop."

He recoiled and stared at me with empty eyes, barely breathing.

I chuckled, trying my best to sound friendly. "Look, you're out here crying because you finally put one and one together and realized she's cheating on you, but I'm trying to show you that if you'd let me be a part of your life you could have been happier. You could have dumped that unfaithful, ungrateful sack of manure years ago in favor of finding someone who would be a true friend and committed lover."

Nick looked as though a semi truck was crushing his chest. A twisted look of confusion and horror writhed on his face. Finally he whispered, "what are you talking about?"

"Remember that time she made your least favorite food for your birthday?" I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

He rolled his eyes and almost seemed to be fighting back a grin. "Yeah," he sighed. "She was so..."

"Don't!" I barked. "No excuses! You had already been married nearly a decade by that point! She absolutely knew what you liked and didn't like, and if she didn't, that's not much better!" I forced a breath in through my nose. "How did you respond to that?" I asked.

He shrugged. "It was fine. I felt it was an honest mistake and I just... laughed it off."

"No!" I bellowed. "It was not fine! It was either a purposeful attack or a maliciously negligent act by an insincere friend! There is no reason for a loving wife and best friend to make such a mistake! That was the one food you constantly talk about not liking! Even casual acquaintances who barely know you at all would know better than to cook that for you!"

Nick cowered while I collected myself. He gawked at me with shock and awe written all over his face. "But..." he began before grinding to a halt. He huffed. "Even if I don't make an excuse for her, what good would it have done for me to get mad over something so small?"

"That's the thing Nick, it wasn't just that one thing. You never once got mad, upset, or angry with her even when she violated the most basic principles of decency. And even now that you know she's been sleeping around with other men, you're still blaming yourself and making excuses for her." I lifted an arm to let the conditioned air flow into my shirt sleeve and cool an armpit directly. Taking a deep breath, I let out a disappointed sigh.

"I wasn't the husband I should have been for her," he lamented.

I could feel the rage boiling deep inside me. I glared at him, my mind racing to put words into intelligible sentences before my hands could decide to do the talking. "Nick," I seethed. "That is the biggest crock of horse crap I've ever heard. That woman has never once apologized to you, never once taken responsibility for her actions, even when she physically hurt you, and she has never once acknowledged that she is verbally and emotionally abusive toward you. You have got to quit rolling over and taking this awful treatment!" I was almost foaming at the mouth, hot spit leaking from the corners of my mouth as I unleashed everything I'd wanted to say all these years on him.

He opened his mouth to respond, but in a miraculous twist he paused. I watched the gears turn in his stupid head while his eyes darted side to side as though he had become a slow machine reading holes in punch cards. Gradually the process ground to a standstill and he stared off into space, looking past me and all of reality into some unknown realm, an entirely separate existence.

I smiled, and this time it was a real smile.

"You know what?" he began, his words paced like globs of slime bubbling out of a pipe. "You're right." He faded again, his eyes distant and lost. His breathing was shallow but slow. His whole body seemed to melt and he sank into the driver's seat, staring straight ahead with unblinking eyes. Then, his jaw muscles bulged and his brow lowered a little. His empty, distant stare morphed into a glowering look of contempt. His nostrils flared.

In that moment, I knew my work was done. Grinning, I patted him on the shoulder. "We'll be in touch then?" I asked.

He nodded forcibly, still glaring straight ahead.

"Good," I said. "It's about time."