Megan's Escape

It was an unusually cold, snowy March in southeastern Nebraska that year, three months before James would graduate from high school. 

12-year old Megan asked her brother, “Do you like him?” 17-year old James replied, “No, but Mom does. Do you like him?”

“No. He scares me.” 

And so it began. Her life of being cherished by her mother, brother and grandparents would turn into an inescapable fear that would surround her for six more years before she could leave home. James would escape right after his graduation. 

Catherine had divorced their father, Norman, when Megan was only four and James nine. She had no memories of living with him, but James did and would tell her about him when she asked. Then he would get quiet and go off by himself. 

Norman was a gentle man, soft-spoken, kind and compassionate. Their soon-to-be stepfather, Lee, was just the opposite, always sulking about something. He had a good job as an engineer, wearing a suit and tie and those ugly wingtip shoes every day. The shoes that Megan would soon dread the sound of each evening when he came through the door. 

Catherine and Lee's wedding took place on a weekend in May when Megan and James were visiting their grandparents in Kansas, 135 miles away. They weren’t invited and didn’t even know it was happening. It was all planned that way. Years later Megan would realize the impact of their hush-hush nuptials. 

Shortly after Catherine and Lee came home, they told the kids they were married and that he was being transferred to San Francisco, CA. They would all be leaving the day after James graduated. Stunned and angry, James looked at them both, yelled that he wasn’t going with them and bolted out of the house. Megan would never forget the pained look on his face as he glanced over his shoulder at her. 

Catherine tried to get him back but he had already pulled away from the curb, peeling out in his old black Chevy Bel Air. Megan’s fear intensified. What if he really didn’t go with them? Even though they fought sometimes, as siblings naturally do, her big brother was always her protector.

Graduation day came in early June and the whole family was there, including their dad’s sister, Aunt Gayle. But no dad. They would find out later from Aunt Gayle that he wanted to come, but Catherine told him he wasn’t welcome. They would also find out, as they grew older, about the many times he wanted to take James and Megan for a weekend and Catherine refused. Years later, Norman still held on to the pictures that Gayle took at James’ graduation. Many battles for Norman, fought and lost in secret.

James ended up staying in Nebraska with Catherine’s brother so that he could start college while Catherine, Lee and Megan moved to California. It was a long drive, as Megan cried silent tears the whole way. Tears of sadness at leaving the cocoon of her life in Nebraska, around her friends and family who loved her, and tears of rage at how she was yanked away. 

Her Grandpa had become her champion, the one who let her play in his shop with scraps of copper wire from the spools that he used to rewind motors for the farm equipment around their small town. And how he would pound out the front fender on her bike after her and her best friend, Sharon, played chicken. 

Two or three times a week, Grandma, the nurterer, would walk her to the ice cream parlor and buy her a double scoop of her favorite black walnut ice cream. And the hot, muggy summer nights on the porch swing with Grandpa, listening to his stories, his wisdom seeping into her young bones, hearing the chains creak on the swing as it swayed back and forth. Like a soothing lullaby. Every night Megan would tease Grandpa that he forgot to oil the chains and every night they would both laugh about it. 

She was prone to getting welts when summer mosquitoes started biting, so Grandpa screened in the front porch for her protection. Those memories would comfort her in times to come. 

Once settled in San Francisco, Catherine enrolled Megan in an all girl Catholic school. Because she didn’t want her to be in one of those jumbo public schools, it was the only option. 

Megan hated the city bus ride to and from school into the hills, the oppressive style of the nuns’ teaching, having to make new friends, wearing a scratchy wool uniform every day, not being able to talk in the halls, and unseen eyes watching the girls’ every move. She immersed herself into learning, but it was still a shock to her entire being after living in small town Nebraska where everybody knew everybody. Here she knew no one. 

Later, when she did make friends, she was afraid to invite them to sleep over at her house because of Lee, always angry and grumbling about something, especially after he’d had a couple of drinks to ‘unwind.’ If they made too much noise, he got mad. If they went outside to play yard darts, he got mad, telling them they were disturbing the neighbors. On many nights after she went to bed, she would hear Catherine and Lee fighting. She quickly learned how to walk on eggshells and stopped inviting her friends over at all.

Megan eventually became close friends with three other girls, all of whom had normal families with brothers and sisters who became like siblings to her. One in particular, Marianne, was always inviting her to have dinner and spend the night. Marianne’s parents were loving, gentle people and she cherished her time with them. 

There was always laughter and playfulness around their dinner table. She learned how to play poker, dominoes, Monopoly and do crafts with the girls. The boys were always teasing the girls, including Megan, much like James used to do. Especially when they were learning how to apply makeup for the first time and looked like circus clowns. 

When James came to visit in San Francisco on one occasion, everything was going fine until Lee came home drunk and started badgering him about not moving to California with them, telling him it broke Catherine’s heart. It escalated to the point of Lee pulling his fist back, ready to strike James in the face. 

Megan cried and screamed for him to stop as Catherine came running into the room and grabbed him by the shirt just before he hit James. One thing led to another. Catherine ran to the kitchen and came back with a knife, threatening Lee that if he didn’t leave, she would kill him. It all happened so fast. He stormed out, not coming home until the next morning, reeking of stale beer and cigarettes. Another night of shrinking and no sleep for Megan.

James left the next day to go back to Nebraska. Megan sobbed and begged him to take her with him. He wanted to, but Catherine wouldn’t have it. He told Megan years later that he regretted not putting her in the car with him that day and driving away. Two hearts broken once more.

Megan met Philip her senior year of high school. The night she graduated at 17, he put an engagement ring on her finger and told her as soon as she turned 18 the following month, they would be married. 

The day after her 18th birthday, they eloped to Lake Tahoe and were married by a justice of the peace. She thought she loved him. 

Later she would realize that what she really loved was the escape.