Other Side of the Door

   Pondering the Halloween aisle at Target trying to eye the perfect costume, Shaun watches his daughters go back and forth like a ping pong ball. Then a thought struck Shaun, the day that they were born. Identical twins, at first when he heard the news he became distressed. But once they were born that changed all that. Ellagant with brown curly hair like their mother. They gave Shaun the best memories, maybe gave him a few gray hairs in his goatee, but they were his pride and joy. 

“Mom I want to be Iron Man for Halloween!” Amelia said, pleading as she tugged at her mother's black cardigan.

“Honey, now we talked about this. Iron Man is a boy costume, now remember…”

“But mom!”

“You heard me, now pick something else dear. Please?” The girl's mother, Jennifer, said steering her to the more feminine costume wear.

“Alright.” Amelia obliged, walking next to her sister Charlotte, eyeing the Elsa dress. 

   Amelia was Shaun’s tomboy, the one who would pick trucks and tractors over Barbie’s and doll houses. Amelia loved to play with the boys and come home with scraped up knees and filth under her fingernails. Charlotte never paid any attention to that, the complete opposite of her sister. For Charlotte, Barbie’s became an obsession, then Disney released Frozen and it’s been Elsa ever since. Although coming from the same source, they were two different entities. On their own little realms, but it didn’t matter to Shaun. He loved them both unconditionally. Amelia was born two minutes before Charlotte. Also, the doctor said Amelia was the more dominant one in the uterus, which made her two pounds bigger. Amelia came out with no difficulties at all, but Charlotte was a completely different story. With the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, watching her blue, flaccid body being cradled in the nurse's arms, the doctor rushed to resuscitate her, applying CPR procedures, causing Shaun to go frantic. He remembers his belly full of worry and direness. Praying to God to bring her back to life. After one minute that felt like hours, they were able to bring her back. They weren’t out of the woods yet with Charlotte, she was having a hard time breathing. After a whole month in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at the Children’s hospital, they were finally set to go home. 

   “Did you guys finally come to an agreement?” Jennifer asks her daughters. 

“Yes I want Elsa! Can I have the hair?” Charlotte asks. 

“And I want Captain Marvel.” Amelia says with a huge smile.

“Just let her have it Jennifer. That will work.” Shaun said trying to take the side of his daughters. Jennifer never responds or even acknowledges his existence. Just had that sour look on her face like she got a whiff of one of Shaun’s old gym jock straps from the early nineties. Giving it a considerate thought, Jeniffer obliges which made Shaun all smiles. He never won a fight, which made him worry for when he got home. 

“Honey, it’s just costumes. You can pick another costume.” Shaun pleaded, but Jeniffer wasn’t having it. Her facial expressions grew from sour to dejected. Wrapping herself in her long pink robe and tucking the girls into bed. Grabbing her hot cup of mojo on her way to the bedroom where she slams the door in Shaun's face. This made Shaun furious. It was just a costume! Come on now. This is ridiculous. He beat on the door to no avail and then mumbled “Fuck it,” and grabbed his Camel menthols for a smoke on the porch. To calm his nerves so he wouldn’t say anything stupid or shamefull. The wind cold and brisk, causing gooseflesh on his skin, Shaun sat there taking another drag off his cigarette, trying to figure out what he did wrong. After a few minutes his thoughts began to drift away. He began to admire the moon on the clear Halloween eve sky. Once he was done with his cigarette, he went back inside to try and fix the predicament that he was in with his wife. But before he made that initial knock on the door, he heard his wife weeping, giving Shaun a heart full of dread thinking it was just a damn costume. Instead of making things worse, Shaun grabs a pillow and a blanket, making his place on the couch. Shaun had slept on the couch before a few times because he upset his wife, but this was different. 

   The next morning came, Shaun still lying there on the couch. He began to scoundrel around, trying to see if a good night sleep shook things off between him and his wife. Looking around for a brief minute, he realizes no one was home.

“Hello! Anyone here?” Shaun shouts, but no one called back. He went grabbing at his phone, wondering if there were any messages, but his pockets were empty. Strange. Shaun grew upset, because he was not a fighter, he was a lover. Confrontation made Shaun very uneasy, so he avoided it at all costs. When fights happened, he wanted it resolved vastly. As he began to look around for his iPhone to text an apology message to his wife so he could patch things up, he began to acknowledge the pictures on the walls. He stopped with his body square, admiring them, like he had never seen them before. He must have passed these things thousands of times, but never taking a second to cherish those precious memories. The girl's first birthday, his wife snapping a pic as they blew out the candles. Amelia and Charlotte’s first soccer pictures, man have they grown. He thought. Getting closer to his bedroom, his feet stop moving, going clear to his toes. He stops at a dead halt to the empty space on the wall where a picture once hung.  Maybe she is putting another picture up? Or maybe she wants a divorce? 

“I’ve got to find my phone. What the hell is going on here.” He mumbles under his breath.

Walking around looking under every nook and cranny, trying to recover his phone, he reexamines the walls again. Every picture that he could recall being in was taken down, exposing bare drywall. Shaun sat back down on the couch, refraining from ripping his hair out. Breathing frantically, thinking over and over again, What did I do? What did I do wrong? 

“WHERE IS MY DAMN PHONE!” He shouted loudly, causing brief inflammation in the lining of his throat. 

   Shaun began to sulk, walking around his house like a maniac. He finally collapsed back on the couch, heart shattered into a million pieces. What did I do? Is she having an affair? She would never. Things aren't that bad. I gotta know. This isn’t right. An ultravoice pounding inside his membranes, trying to unturn all the stones. The only place he did not tear up from top to bottom looking for his cellular device was the master bedroom. The door was still shut, and Shaun thought maybe that stood for something. Maybe she didn’t want him in there? And now Shaun’s waves were firing at rapid speed. Thinking of things he would never imagine. Imagining his wife with another man made him vile. He tried to beat the thoughts out of his head, but they kept coming. There was one thing left to do. Shaun stood up on queasy legs, feeling like he was going to vomit. Fearful of what was on the other side of that door. 

   Opening the door, everything seemed subtle. Nothing changed, nothing that seemed out of place. Everything so vibrant, just the way his wife left it. Inspecting, searching, seeing if he can find anything of suspect, and maybe being able to recover his phone. Shaun breathes a sigh of defeat as he lays down on the bed, feeling deflated like a balloon losing all it’s helium. He turns to his wife’s side of the bed and notices that her pillow is slightly elevated. He quickly stood up and gazed. Heart in his throat, imagining what was underneath that pillow. He first thought about just waiting for for her to get home. But the anticipation was killing him inside. On buckled knees, he decided to see what was underneath that pillow. Heart beating rapidly, pulsing at an alarming rate, he inhales a huge breath of air through his nose. Then he is taken back as he discovers the pictures that were missing on the walls outside his bedroom and inside his living room under the slick silk. He sits back down on his wife's side of the bed, breathing in relief, but also wondering Why in the hell does my wife have pictures of me hiding underneath her pillow? This stunned Shaun because he was not expecting this. Love letters from an intruder yes, but not their moments of intimacy caught on camera. He began to dig a little bit more, flipping the bed mattress over to find more pictures, his wallet and better yet...his phone. He grabs his phone, seeing if it still had life left(of course it didn’t). He plugged it into the charger, his thoughts were an uncontrollable blur. But while he was waiting, he noticed something underneath his wallet on the box springs, a newspaper clipping. 

“What the hell is this?” He said, looking at his obituary. 

“No, no...what the hell is this? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” He screams. Crying in rage while trying to digest. “No...No...No, No, No! THIS ISN'T REAL! THIS ISN’T REAL!!!” Shaun said shouting, dropping to the floor. Taking his hands through his hair, then stopped. Froze as his bones began to chill from the terror that came across his fingertips, on the back of his head. Warm to the touch, he takes his finger to further investigate. Poking at the bullet hole in the back of his head. He brings his hands in front of his eyes, each finger painted different shades of blood.

“Oh my God. I need to get to the hospital. This can’t be good.” He says as he runs to a mirror to further examine the damage. He gets to the mirror and realizes there is nothing staring back at him. There is no shape, no figure. There is no reflection of himself at all. 

“I’m dreaming! I’m dreaming. This can’t be right.” Shaun says fading backwards on to the boxsprings of the torn up bed. Stumbling, he lands on the springs, onto all kinds of papers and pictures. Scrambling to get up, to check his phone to call 911. Another newspaper clipping catches his eye, the headlines were; LOCAL TEACHER SHOT AND KILLED BY TROUBLING FORMER STUDENT. Then it was like a title wave, it all came back.

__

   On October 30th, 2018, Shaun remembered teaching his high school language arts class that day. His classes always consisted of so many varieties of children, that’s why he loved it so much. He remembers that day for many reasons. One, it was all Hallows Eve, anxiously awaiting the time to leave to go carve pumpkins with his family, and an altercation he had with one of his troubling students. Larry came from a troubling home. Not cleanly presented in the slightest and when things didn’t go his way in particular, Shaun would have to call the school's principal, so they could restrain him from hurting himself or others. Shaun remembers Larry's demeanor that day. Cold, far distant from anyone on this realm. Shaun was good at gauging people's emotions, making him especially good at his profession. He held Larry after class dismissed. Just to chat, so maybe he could help the troubled teen.

“Larry, you’re not in trouble I promise you that. You just seem distant. Is everything ok?” The boy didn’t respond. Just put his hood over his head with a scrawned look. Eye brows bent and face dropped in a downward pile. 

“Listen Larry, I know life can really suck sometimes. You know…”

“You have no fucking clue.” Larry whispered.

“I beg your pardon?” Shaun responded, floored. 

“You...have...no...fucking...CLUE!” Larry screamed with rage, tossing the school desk into the sky, causing Shaun to fall backwards onto his palms. Larry jets out the classroom, Shaun doesn’t respond because he is petrified. Horror glazed his pupils, as the mind began to unwind what just had happened. The school issued a warrant with the police, sending officers trying to find where Larry had taken off too. Shaun stressed all day about the situation, not wanting to bring it home, he decided to go release it with his favorite outlet, Intense Gym and Training. Pumping the iron felt like such a relief, to get the grit and sweat out, licking his lips, tasting the sulphur. After his workout was finished, he broke down and cried in the locker room that night. Even prayed to God “Lord please, please give me the strength to save this child. I know what he’s been through. Please keep him safe.” Then his phone vibrated,

“You hot stud! You on your way yet?” Jennifer texted.

“Hey baby! Yes on my way.”

“You feel any better? I know you had a rough day.”

“Yeah...I will tell you later. In my car now. I love you.”

“I love u more.” Jennifer texted as he slammed the car door. Shaun put the keys in the ignition, threw his bag in the passenger seat. The last thing he remembered is looking into his rearview mirror at that scrawned, dropping face of the boy who had been a part of his class earlier that day. Still with his eyebrows bent, like his look never changed. Still wearing his dark gray hoodie. Larry put the gun to the back of Shaun’s head. Shaun tried to react but it was too late. Shaun felt a big jolt to the back of his skull, then his eyes closed into darkness. 

__

   Shaun now realized that yesterday was the one year anniversary of his death. He immediately was drenched in sadness, Shaun felt guilty for placing allegations on his wife. Little did he know that his wife wept every night to each picture and photograph until she fell asleep. Each memory she held tighter and tighter, refusing to let go. Imagining he was still here, praying to God that he would bring her husband back. She even thought of suicide, for the loss of her significant other was to dire to take. Shaun crying with a big lump in his throat had to accept he was nothing more than an apparition here to see his girls go trick or treating on earth one last time. Shaun sat down, as this was a lot to take in, grabbing his phone to see what was inside. Messages from his wife. Messages from his friends and daughters. Shaun began to sob, crawling to the floor. His heart was telling him to stay around for a while, but his brain knew it was time to go to the other side. Goodbye was so very hard for Shaun, but he had to do it for his wife, so she could move on. He stood back up with dry tears in his eyes and began to clean the mess that he made. Making sure he put everything back where it belonged. 

   Later that night Shaun got to watch his girls with beaming faces go trick or treating. He watched from afar, not wanting to interfere. Just knowing he would get to see them one last time before he was ready to cross over. Bags full of red Twizzlers and Reese Cups, even some of their favorite popcorn balls. The girls were having the time of their lives, but for Jennifer it was a struggle. She’s just going through the motions because Halloween was their holiday. The times they shared and spent together dressing up like ghouls and goblins just kept pounding inside her brain. Shaun hating seeing his wife suffer in agony, goes to her side and grabs her hand. To Shaun it felt like a warm hand mitten. To Jennifer it was nothing more than a little gust of wind. Walking the girls along to the next house, Shaun took Jennifer’s hand once again and this time reaching his neck out to kiss her on the cheek. Whispering sweet air in her ear “I love you.” Then fading into thin of night. Causing her to twitch to the side, hoping those words really did come from his lips. She quickly realizes that couldn't of been because no one was there. But what was weird to her was she could smell the aroma of his cologne that night just for a brief second. That gave her satisfaction, letting her know that Shaun was watching over her, like he always said he would. She gave a brief look up into the sky.

   As Shaun walked away from his wife and kids that night, a thought struck in his mind, one last thing to do before he crossed. He went back to the house and into the master bedroom. He went under his wife’s pillow to the picture frames, taking all the pictures out and replacing those with new ones that he found in a nearby cabinet. That space that was once filled with a wedding cake pic of the happy couple, was now a school picture of their happy twins. Shaun then grew distracted by the headlights of his wife's SUV, pulling into the driveway. Car doors slamming as he walked out to the front porch. The girls race to the door and stop dead in their tracks. “Daddy?” Charlotte asks. Shaun knew it was time to go, but before he did he uttered one last word as he perished off that porch and into the hardened moon light, “Goodbye.”