Serves Who?

Note: the following recipe allows for variations and additions, but the list of ingredients and instructions has been collated by experts with many years of experience in this field.

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Ingredients:

Salt

Pepper

Spinach

Eggs

Milk

Garlic

Sun-Dried Tomatoes

Bread

Mustard (Dijon, perhaps)

Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

Coffee

Alcohol (choice left up to you)

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Instructions:

1.     Realize that you have woken up on the first day after it ended – truly ended – with no food in the house. She was the one who always cooked on weekends because you spent all of your time at her place when you were not busy with your concerns about your career and deadlines. She told you that you needed to eat properly and that was the reason why she made such wonderful breakfasts. You knew they were omelets that came down to her through several generations of women whom you heard about quite often, yet never really focused on. She would even bring them to you in bed where you shared the same plate and French press filled with that special brew of coffee you could never name (you did not even have coffee in your place, only take-out cups that reminded you that this was another expense you would have to handle). First things first: get the ingredients!

2.     What was the name of that place? She took her reusable shopping bags with her, but you have a vague memory of the name… Le Diable au Cuisine, you think… That was the one you found when you did a quick Google search, check out the web site and map, and took a long walk in a part of her neighbourhood that was filled with boutiques, cafes and specialty shops. And this one was special. Did she really walk all this way just to get you the ingredients she needed to make you feel special? If so, you are grateful. Le Diable au Cuisine is a grocery store that you would never notice next to the big box stores that provide you with prepared meals. There are the usual sections for fruit, vegetables, dairy and bread, but also special stalls just for pasta, sauces, soup (made by the store, based on the labels), dry goods, imports, candies, preserves, and other prepared meals. You have decided to avoid the last group because you want to prove to yourself that you can do this; you can avoid the cliché of the man who does not know how to cook beyond opening a soup can or heating something in a microwave. You find the eggs (duck and goose included), tomatoes (several varieties at very different prices), bags of spinach, garlic that has already been crushed…like your heart (don’t say that out loud), baguettes, and mustard (why are there so many of them?) At the counter with the overflowing basket, you ask for a bag, and cannot control yourself when you see that it is the exact same type of bag she used to carry her groceries in (the cashier is sympathetic, even though it is near the end of her overnight shift, and there are customers behind you who just want to get their prepared meals and leave). Food can bring out all sorts of emotions. Please try to handle all groceries in one bag with one-handed. She would have been so proud of you.

3.     Measurements might be a bit of a problem. Who are you cooking for this time? One or two? The omelets were quite large when she made them and you consider how much you want to eat. You stare over the pots and pans and realize that you may want to be careful with the portion sizes. She did give you some measuring cups and spoons to practice. All that practice… Was she trying to encourage you to learn a real skill; how to cook without going broke at the end of the month? You have the bowls out for separating the yolks from the whites and you note how swiftly to can crack an egg (even a duck one), get the shells away from the mix, and leave things apart. All apart… All separate. Try to avoid adding tears as you whisk the whites up to a level of stiffness that she told you would make them taste better. The milk will just be a splash; the mustard (Dijon) just a touch; pinches of salt and pepper…they way she would pinch your face whenever you tried to make your own breakfast to impress her. Everything else just needs to be grabbed and chopped up. Slice the garlic thinly. Don’t feel the pain as you nick your fingers (this is the easiest part of the preparation).

4.     The actual cooking is straightforward. The extra-virgin olive oil is still on the shelf and you have no need to open the extra bottle you are sure she deliberately left behind. As you let the omelet cook, you will be tempted to stare at your various social media sites to see if you can find out what she is up to after leaving you. Alcohol may provide an accompaniment when you realize that you have stared at your phone to the point where the eggs have finally been burned to that shade of brown that she never understood as your choice of cooked state. You may also realize that you forgot to put on the coffee and take out the bread from the fridge. Please avoid burning yourself over the now smoking frying pan as you turn on the overhead fan, open a window, look for incense, and drop the phone into the sink. You were not in the mood to wash anything, so your phone should still function. Make sure to pour the water into the coffee maker and tamp down the grounds left in the bag. She encouraged you to buy that cafetiere and you are now forced to remember when you bought it together at that yard sale where you had your first real date. Tears will add a light touch to the rum left in the cupboard as you find a plate and wait for the now-charred omelet to cool down. Bread will not be toasted (it's a baguette). The coffee will spill onto one of the elements. The meal will come together in about ten minutes. And you have just discovered that you have forgotten to add the sun-dried tomatoes (quite delicious on their own with the bread)

5.     The omelet will be on the table in time for you to put the chipped mug you love so much on the table – no coasters available; another of her purchases – along with the bread now sliced and covered with the olive oil and a little salt and pepper. She was the one who moved you away from butter and margarine and you consider this to be a good meal. Maybe you are la Diable in this cuisine? Enjoy eat morsel and be sure to chew your food as you reminisce as the coffee and rum come together between bites…

Serves eight.

Serves hate.

Serves…?