My grandmother, Matika

My grandmother, Matika

I swam against the rapid and cold waves to catch my prey. It was a young seal, fleeing for its life and without a doubt feeling my force behind it. It was small, quick and evasive and I, a young orca, struggled to keep up. Though I was larger and stronger, the young seal had agility on its side. And I didn’t know if the sea was in my favor today.

So after countless times chasing my prey, I eventually gave up, an action heavily frowned upon within my pod. I was exhausted after a long day of practicing my stalk and chase and I just wanted to rest. But the pod I grew up in was fierce, the most respected pod of orcas in the brutal but beautiful Coast Salish Sea. I was still with my mother and could rely on her catching prey if I failed but my pod was led by the sea’s most feared and respected warrior. 

My grandmother, Matika. 

I was just a young hunter, still learning the basics of the hunt. I knew I was slower at picking things up then my mother, sisters, cousins and grandmother. But I couldn’t change myself, I simply was slower at learning than others. Was that so wrong?

So I swam south, deep into the deep, frigid and ruthless sea. I was used to it by now, used to the frequent downpour and heavy storms that made the waves shake. Our pod conducted everything near a small island, only inhabited by birds of prey perched on the tall tree tops. It was beyond isolated but perfect for us to regain our energy, eat and meet in peace. 

As I approached my pod, my sisters all turned their attention to me. They silently judged me coming to our pod empty-handed with my teeth not blood-stained. I swam past their prying eyes and to my mother, Kavusiya. She was engrossed with my grandmother but when she sensed my presence, she immediately focused on me.

“No blood.” She said as a matter of fact, “Nothing to show for the day alone out there.”

“I am exhausted, mother.” I spoke weakly, “I have been hunting since sunrise and the sea’s been especially rocky today.”

“Are you kidding me?” My mother raised her voice, the water quaking around her, “Your sisters killed herds of seals on their first hunts alone. After all this time, have I thought you nothing? Has Matika taught you nothing?”

“No!” I panicked, never wanting to disappoint my grandmother. She was a legend in these seas, raising a powerful matriarchal pod that brought fear into the hearts of many. But I don’t know why I was so slow to learn, I tried my hardest but never succeeded. 

“Mother, believe me I do try my best. I’m beginning to think the sea has cursed me to fail.”

I heard the muffled laughter of my sisters, surrounding me in a circle of judgment.

“Don’t give me that.” My mother scoffed, “You know how dishonorable it is to come back from a hunt with nothing! I don’t care if you get a hearty seal or a little squid, you never come back with nothing.”

“But I couldn’t catch anything today!” I argued.

“Because you are weak!” My mother yelled, “You gave up. You settled for nothing, brought nothing. What will you do when you are a mother? When your calves need nutrition, you will swim and hunt until your fins give out but you will never give up!”

“Well then maybe I’m not an orca!” I yelled back in despair. I couldn’t handle the endless lectures and criticisms my family threw at me. I was young, vulnerable and learning but somehow it was never enough for them.

“Well then maybe you’re not my daughter.”

With that, I felt my heart break. I’ve never known such a feeling of betrayal before in my young life but this hit was different. With no response or comfort from my sisters, I swam away from our pod's gathering place. To where? I didn’t know. I just swam as far away from them as fast as I could. Dejected, I didn’t know where to go or where I’d end up, just that I couldn’t face them anymore. 

The sea was dark, I struggled to find my direction against the large schools of fish swimming against me. But not long after I left, I felt a large gust of water push against me. Only another orca could generate such power and I looked to my side to see who had followed me.

It was Matika. She was calmly swimming beside me with a peaceful expression. I choked on my own words, not knowing what to say. Her granddaughters never spoke to her, our mother was her voice. I knew Matika could speak, I’ve seen her mouth move but I’ve never heard her voice.

“Grandmother?” I asked nervously, “Why are you with me?”

“Hm.” She hummed, “I wanted to speak with you, Owiya. I sense you are facing troubled times.” 

Her voice was cracked, a sign of old age but it was soft and flowy, like the seaweed I played in when I was a calf.

“Heh.” I chuckled lightly, “Just a little. I’m convinced the whole family hates me. You probably hate me too.”

“Oh not at all.” She kindly smiled, “You’re just a little different.”

“And different means I am wrong within our pod. You’re such a legend, a matriarch other pods look up to.”

“But do you know how I got to this position? It wasn’t that I was born perfect, I learned through countless failures how to hunt and lead.”

I listened closely, entranced in her story for I was raised to see her as perfect. She had no faults, made no mistakes and judged her daughters harshly. But I sensed nothing of that from her when actually speaking with her.

“And you know another thing? I stay out of the limelight. I had my time to shine as a young orca. But now I stay hidden, letting the new generation continue our legacy. If I hogged all the attention, how could my daughters ever grow?”

“You’d put yourself in the dark to let us shine?” I asked.

“That’s what all the greats do. They know when to hang up the act and let the others prosper. And I’m happy to do this, be a side-character for I find immense joy in seeing others shine, especially my daughters.”

“But I don’t shine.” I said somberly, “I fail. I have no drive to succeed as mother said, I give up when it gets too hard. That’s not how orca’s succeed, not how we survive and protect our young.”

My grandmother nuzzled against my side affectionately and I froze. It had been a long time since I felt that comfort from my mother and never from my grandmother. But here she was, comforting the outcast, the failure of the pod and it made me feel finally wanted. 

“Owiya.” She started, “I spend my time alone, watching you all grow and learn. And it's not about the result, it's the journey. Pay no mind to your snarky and gossiping sisters and don’t take your mothers’ words with pain. She means well, just doesn’t know how to express it.”

“I think I know what to do then.” I said to Matika, already forming a plan within my head.

“I think you do too.”

Days after my conversation with Matika, the sea was calm, sky clear and life was abundant. I narrowed my eyes on a small white squid, swimming innocently through the water without knowledge of my presence. I took little time to hurl myself toward it, catching it with ease. I had caught small things before but always felt poor afterward that it wasn’t a seal. But today, I swam back eagerly to the pod with black ink all across my teeth. 

When I arrived at our pod, I flashed my once pearly to show them covered in ink. Some of my sisters giggled but I paid them no attention. I approached my mother who was speaking with Matika. Matika went silent when she saw me, as did my mother but I didn’t close my mouth. I proudly showed off my kill to my elders without shame that it wasn’t a prized seal.

“Seriously, Owiya?” My mother scoffed, “This is all you have to show for the morning?”

“Yep!” I happily said, “Ain’t it cool, Matika?”

Matika smiled fondly but mother swam in front of her, blocking me off from her.

“Oh no. You do not try to impress the great Matika with that!”

“Don’t worry, mother. She’s already impressed.”