Matariki - The Stars Shine Bright

Matariki. Aroha looked up to the heavens, where she imagined her ancestors were. She could only see about six or seven stars, but she knew hundreds were up in the sky, with her people looking down on her. The coldest months of the year, June and July. Matariki has all the romance and mystic tales attached and was celebrated each year, but this year, Aroha couldn't be moved or excited about it.

Whanau had all come together to feast on crops they had prepared since harvesting. Nanny Rae and Poppa travelled down from the warmth of the north, and all of Aroha's cousins had come over, bringing with them guitars, noise, and jokes, drinking, laughing and thumping each other while the stars above shone brightly in a clear sky, indicating yet another frosty morning and clear, blue-skied day to follow.

Keeping herself busy in the kitchen, away from the excitement of gathering, Aroha lightly stroked her hand over her stomach. She thought of the true meaning of 'Matariki" - literally meaning the 'eyes of god' (mata ariki) or 'little eyes' (mata riki) being stars in the sky. She contemplated 'little eyes,' Her own eyes welled with the knowledge that little eyes were forming inside her. She wondered what colour they would be - not brown like her Whanau. They would be blue, like the colour of HIS eyes. HE, who had tricked her into believing he was kind and caring, loved her and would always be with her. At 16 years old, Aroha could no longer look forward with excitement and anticipation of university in two years, she would no longer be able to row in the regatta which she had trained so hard for; no longer be able to go on the trip to Hawaii with the team. A tear escaped and tracked down her cheek. As she heard the door open behind her, Aroha quickly wiped the back of her hand over her nose and sniffed away the evidence of her quandary and heartache. Her long, dark hair fell forward, hiding her face from the intruder.

“Kia neke, Aroha, those fellas are hungry as, they’re gonna want heaps tonight!” Aunty Bella shuffled around the kitchen, experienced hands moving pots and pans from the shelves. Always the stalwart, Aunty knew how to look after whanau and visitors, never tiring of producing enough food to feed an army. Aroha welcomed the distraction and moved close to Aunty, accepting tray after tray and loading them up with chicken, pumpkin, cabbage, and kumara, ready to take outside for the men to cover with dampened sacks and place in the fire pit.

Whanau were fed, guitars were played, warmth and laughter filled the air. Aroha took her hot tea and moved away from the group, yet staying close enough to see the warm glow and sparks from the fire lighten the darkness. She couldn't get the thoughts to move from her mind, views of how she had managed to get herself into such a mess. It was like a brain-worm had infiltrated her head and pushed all other things away as it kept on and on reminding her. She was hapu. She was going to have a baby. Only months away. By Christmas. She was going to be a mother. She would be a mother. Holy Hell. Oh. My. God. 

In the darkness, a figure became outlined in the firelight, moving towards her and pulling up a nearby seat, sitting very close. Aunty Bella's voice was low, warm, and soft. "Ae, girl. You did good tonight. We are proud of you". 

"I don't feel worthy for you to be proud, Aunty." Aroha couldn't hold back. She needed this, needed to share the burden. "I...I've...I've messed up, Aunty!" Her young body shook with grief and pain, racked with sobbing as she let go the tide of pent up fear, despair. Her cries were quiet, inward, self beating. All Aunty did was hold her, stroke her, sigh with her, telling her all the time that it would be all right, yet not knowing what "it" was. The laughter, music, and singing continued in the background as the two wahine wrapped themselves together, travelling on a wave of emotion known to women. 

"I...I'm hapu, the doctor told me yesterday. I don't know what to do, Aunty. What can I do? How can I tell mum, dad...he'll kill me!" 

“Ae, Aroha. It’ll be ok. Birth is the most wonderful thing. Your mum, dad, they’ll love their Mokupuna. Just let them take time to adjust.”

"But, but, they want me to go to Uni, to row in the regatta, they're saving all their money to send me to Hawaii, and I and I....I've really stuffed up everything!!!  For them!! For me...!!!"

Aunty Bella held on to Aroha, rubbing her back, holding her while she continued to shake with sobs, her young, lovely face covered with tears and red blotches.

"You know what, my darling? These are new times. You can still live your dreams. Life takes many twists and turns, which are not planned for. And which lucky young man is the father?"

Aroha stopped sobbing, her face becoming hard, eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t matter, Aunty. I’d rather not say”. She twisted the frayed cuff of her jersey around her finger. “He means nothing to me. I hate him”. 

"Ae mariki, Aroha, that may be, but a child is made with a mother and a father. He will need to know, no matter what you think of him at the moment. And listen, my girl. You will go to Uni, you will live your life, you will make your ma and pa happy. The joy of a new life is to be shared, to be celebrated. It may not fit in with what you expected, but what is done is done. Look up at the sky, Aroha. See all those stars? See the Matariki...how many can you see...five, six? There are hundreds of our people up there, guiding us, looking down at us from above. Your bubba will grow to be ..who knows!!! A strong leader, maybe. And our ancestors will be proud. They will lead us. Oldies, like me, won't be around too much longer. But your little one, growing inside of you, will take our people into the future. Hold your head up, girl. You are hapu. You are proud. The stars know that.