An End To A Beginning

This is it. I have completed it. The final stage.

At this moment, I have fallen asleep for what will almost certainly be the last time ever. This time I will truly be asleep. Forever

Upon saying these words I have completed an eventful journey. One that has been most remarkable.

Over the last few months I have not been well and have been told that I have an incurable illness and that the end was evitable. I would be dead before long.

Well the sad thing is we all have to die someday. I know its terrifying for us all to know about that the very moment we come into this world. Much as we hate to hear the news but it's all nothing but sadness to hear about it.

You're born, you live, you die.

It's the way this world operates.

We all fear death. The mention of the word sends shivers down many spines. We are all afraid of it. We cannot avoid it. The best we can do is run from it as best as we can and delay it as best as we can although there are many hurdles to come across to avoid it the older we get and many of us even wish for death to take us away for many reasons like depression, inactivity, losing loved ones, losing good looks, wasted lives, bad health etc.

Well the reality is we have to die so new life can come into this world. It's been happening for billions of years.

Hell, we didn't even exist for billions of years until we were born. Now luckily I myself and how ever many other beings that have existed throughout time got the chance to experience the greatest gift of all... LIFE.

I probably did have a good one. Even in darkness I can picture all the memories in my head. From being held in my parents arms, to playing games with my siblings, to going to school, going to university, meeting my spouse, our wedding day, our children being born, all the parties we threw for them and watching them grow up, seeing our grandchildren been born and lots of other things.

At the same time it has also been sad seeing many family and friends die before my eyes. I always wondered how the dead's vision would look through their eyes. It's the greatest mystery of all.

What happens in death? Is there eternal darkness? Do we really see the people we all loved again? Is there really a heaven and hell?

I certainly have been a good person and I don't think I deserve to go to Hell. There are many people that I haven't seen for so long that I really wish to see them again. For some of these folks, my heart has ached everyday for them and have been longing to see them all again.

Sometimes I wish I was a god. If I had it my way, I would probably create a perfect world where only the bad people die and only the good people live. I would have no pain and suffering where everyone can get along and enjoy each others company.

But then again to many that might be boring to them.

My life was good and I had a long one to. The years went so fast from birth to death. It felt only like an hour or two.

I must be dead now surely. I have had near death experiences before. It was kind of like going to sleep only I could hear peoples voices being heard.

This time, I cant hear anything. Nothing but quietness. Everything is totally quiet. Not even buzzing.

They say do not be afraid of passing away. It happens to us all and it took a long time for you to be born into this world. You were lucky you even got to experience living in this world.

It was always scary nearly dying. Each time I thought this is it. It's the end for me. I will no longer exist. My time on this planet is here. It is time for me to go permanently.

It's been all black for longer then any other time I have been asleep.

If that is the case, I must be dead. Finished. Gone.

And if I am supposed to see loved ones in death, how could that even be possible in eternal darkness?

There are many theories about life after death by many religions. Yet none of these ever have been proven have they?

I cant even feel anything either. I even thought that I might become a ghost and roam around the world and haunt people. No, I couldn't do that. I don't have it in my to do that though I might do it unnecessarily.

How long have I been asleep now? They say you can never remember the time that you went to sleep so I must be dead now surely right?

The funny thing is though, that each time you wake up, it feels like you have only slept 5 minutes when in reality hours have passed.

This applies even to ones who have spent years in a coma.

However for me this will be a permanent coma as I did not have a accident or anything. Doctors are so skilled. They know when someone's about to come to an end and yet to hear these words is horrifying when they are told to you although when you're in ill health it can be the most relaxing thing to.

I know my family and friends will miss me. They say I have been a great person and raised them well.

They to will probably be wondering what being dead is like.

A lot of time must has passed or has it? Sadly there is no clock in the deceased world to tell us.

Nothing seems to be moving even even though things are always moving so nothing would ever be completely still.

No vision, no noise, no movement. Absolutely nothing.

It's all understandable that despite the problems we encounter when are are alive, such as health and mobility issues and others people want to live.

I can completely understand why though.

It's the fear of death that give us wings.

Once it comes it kicks us in the teeth and there is nothing we can do about it.

I have spent so long building all these memories. They have lasted a lifetime with me. I have spent so long filling up my mind with memorised and making a difference to the world yet they are all gone now. Like tears in rain.

Silence. Silence. Silence.

I have probably been deceased a long time. Even though it only feels like no time has passed I could have been dead weeks, months years, maybe even centuries.

Nothing can ever prepare us for this. It is the most horrifying thing I have ever encountered.

Dead people tell no tells. That is the truth.

If I could I would tell everyone exactly what it is like. Its horrifying. It's truly horrendous. I have had some scary things happened to me but nothing like this.

Yet at the same time maybe I should be happy that my pain and suffering has ended. I should be happy that It has put me out my misery and giving me the chance of having a life to remember.

Though I could do a lot of things when living, there is absolutely nothing I can do now but rot.

Well I don't see no light at the end of this tunnel. For thousands of years people have believed in God. They have believed in a heaven and afterlife. Many people have seen this vision having a near death experience.

Atheists are quick to brush it off that its just a hallucination and that there is nothing for us.

We all wish we could live forever. Passing away just the thought of it brings sadness to us all. Sure we will all die eventually. Hell maybe even one day all living beings on this planet will be extinct as many other living beings have done.

But if we could live forever what would we do with it? If there was anyone alive on this Earth that has been around since the dawn of time would they be bored with it? Would they be unhappy with the way technology has changed it?

Maybe Atheists could be right. Religion has suffered declining numbers over the decades and maybe science is right. As Stephen Hawkins even said:

"THERE IS NO GOD. NO ONE CREATED THE UNIVERSE. AND NO ONE DIRECTS OUR FATE. THERE IS PROBALY NO HEAVEN OR AFTERLIFE EITHER. I THINK BELIEF IN AN AFTERLIFE IS JUST WISHFUL THINKING. THERE IS NO RELIABLE EVIDENCE FOR IT, AND IT FLIES IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING WE KNOW IN SCIENCE. I THINK THAT WHEN WE DIE, WE RETURN TO DUST. WE HAVE THIS ONE LIFE TO APPRECIATE THE GRAND DESIGN OF THE UNIVERSE."

Maybe he is right. Maybe there is no heaven or afterlife. Maybe that once we die we do indeed cease to exist. This world is cruel and harsh. Every living thing on this planet exists to pass on their DNA.

However I was luckily enough to get the chance to have a life and experience this beautiful world. And for that for that I am extremely grateful.

This is the longest ever time I have seen darkness. It is a curious thing though I must admit. It's got me thinking that I should be ok. I'm gonna be like this now for all eternity and there is no one and nothing around that can harm me anymore.

I am ok now.

Even more time has passed and still nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing.

How long have I been dead for?

What's this? Was it my imagination or did I just feel something?

It felt like I was being pushed. Maybe a shove?

It feels like I'm sliding down a tube or something like that. This is the strangest feeling I've ever had.

I can hear people shouting something. I can't hear the words clearly as they seemed a bit muffled. There are lots of noises going on in my head.

I can hear what sounds like someone crying out in pain. Is there someone else who has died or is dying?

As this is happening suddenly the most amazing thing seems to be happening. I can actually sort of see something again.

Was it another near death experience? This has been one like no other.

I will admit this is a little frightening now. I have just spent god knows how much time in complete stillness and now suddenly everything is moving again.

I will admit I actually liked being still for however long it was.

I'm moving along even more now and sliding down even further. What is happening?

Is this what heaven is supposed to be? It feels more like hell!

It has probably been minutes or hours since it all happened but I now wish it didn't start. It's all becoming too hellish and scary for me now. I am really scared!

My mind is going all haywire. I want it to end I don't want to be hearing this or feeling it! If I have been resuscitated why did the doctors do it? Why couldn't they let me have a peaceful death?

Suddenly, my whole body slides out and it feels like I have just come out of a wet tube. You know like the water slides they have at funfairs. I feel all drenched and covered in what feels like some sticky goo! Yuck!

Suddenly my vision has returned slightly and I can slowly see it coming to light. Am I in heaven? Am I to see people again?

It's very light now though I can see properly. It's a little blurry to.

Suddenly I hear people talking. My ear's are a ringing and I am struggling to hear properly but it sounded like someone said "Congratulations it's a..."

I didn't hear the rest of it, but What I can faintly see is what seems to be a face...

Is it a woman?

She looks young and beautiful and she is is all happy and cheerful. She is stroking me gently

Is she an angel? She is dressed in what looks like a white robe and has beautiful long flowing hair and and a look on her that seems very loving and protective.

Maybe religion is right. There is an afterlife. All the good people go to it after death.

However, this place don't seem like heaven to me. Everoyne seems to be all staring at me with funny looks on their faces and having sharp instruments.

Soon afterwards, I can see what looks a man coming up to me. Is this god? He don't look like one. He is dressed in what looks like a gown though.

He strokes me and gently whispers in my ear "Welcome to the world little one".

Little one? Did i just hear correctly what he said?

Everything looks so big to me. Giant size in fact. This is scary. Not long ago everything seems to be normal size to me but its gone all big of a sudden.

I am able to move and my look at my hands. Why do they look tiny like a babies?

Wait a minute... Small hands? Little one? This must mean...

Oh my god! It can't be! Could it?

Now this has been a long known religion for sometime thought never proven but...

There is one religion called Buddhism. People with this faith believes that when we die, sometime later we come back in another form and repeat the cycle. We never end there after our passing. Sometime later we will get another shot at life.

In other words... Reincarnation!

Einstein's theory must be true...

"Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be changed from one form to another."

That is so true. No matter what we are all made of energy and it never stops running. However long it takes, it will eventually make a new life.

I am crying. and my voice is high pitched and baby like. I can feel this lady hugging me tenderly and speaking in a quiet voice. Soon I calm down.

I am so happy. Okay, so I have had to leave my old life behind and family and friends. That is the most sad part. They will miss me and think of me dearly.

The good news is though I know that I will never truly die and will always be around to experience this world again and have new family and friends and even see my old ones.

Of course I can claim to have had a previous life as many others do. I can't prove that and no one will ever believe me but myself and others who all have been reborn know that's the truth right?