Faded Reality

Life is an interesting concept as we intercept it in many shapes and forms. From perfectionists to the suicidal. It is not harsh if it is true. We all view life differently.

Some treat it like it is a game and a big gamble while others immerse themselves with it, living like it is their last. Then there are those who do not know what to do with their life. The type that thinks they know only to discover that their wrong in the mist of their life.

I'm "classified" as one of those people. Who am I you might ask?

My name is Ollie and what gender I specify is not visible as I am a person just like you. As for what I look like that will be left to your imagination.

Anyways, my crippling wakeup call had all happened in a flash.

One moment I'm chilling on my couch scrolling through Instagram only for the next to wonder: 'What am I doing with my life?  Who am I really?   What is my true purpose being on this earth?'

Of course, when you give off so much of your energy to other things like friends, family, and a job; you tend to peel away from the skin that once defined yourself with comfort and happiness.

'So, what is a species to do in this situation?'

Go to immense therapy? A monthly self-care treatment? Rehab?

Okay, the last one is pushing the envelope but hey I am desperate here.

A desperation to escape and be free.

'But to where and how?'

*ding! *

My eyes instantly peer down at my phone only for the answer to literally be in front of me.

An ad with a picture of a small beach island with the background of a pinkish orange sky angled just right. The ad description read like a typical billboard: "Need to be alone? Stress clouding your brain? Lost yourself? Then Self rediscovery. com is for you. Where for a decent price you can pick one of our location and get back the breath of air that you lost. All you have to do is pick a location, extend the number of days you wish to stay and kick back for your alone time. It is that easy! Go to our home page today!

'What kind of sucker would fall for that?'

Okay, so I am that sucker. Turns out the website is legit and not total BS. Wish I could say the same for the prices but hey like I said I am willing to do anything to restore myself.

So, I'm currently on a cruise ship that will take me to the area of my reinvestment. The area I choose is a small beach island. According to the website the island is called Carrageen Parricide and at this island they already have a little hut that you stay in that provides the human needs for you. Food, water, and a bed. They also prohibit technology obviously, so I left my phone at home and took nothing but a bag of clothes, hygienics, and a little journal. Why a journal? To write out my progress as the days go.

While I wait to reach the land, I decided to go to the main deck to sit at an empty two-person table as my attention focuses on the deep blue as it glistens through the simple touches of the sun. The journal and pen rest out in the open on the table as it's left total blank while my bag rests by my feet.

"Excuse me?" my attention snaps towards the voice only to see on the other end is a curvy woman with tan skin, red wavy curls, and shade of blue eyes staring back at me. A long white sundress glimmers through the sunlight's glow.

"May I sit here?" I have no words as my breath is lost in this woman's beauty. I just nod causing her to give me a pearly white smile.

'Holy crap, she's really pretty. Don't fuck this up.'

"Thank you, I'm Macie." she says taking her seat right across from me.

"You’re welcome." I finally say that lead to drifted silence for a brief moment.

"This is the part that you say your name back." Macie whispers with a faint smile perched on her lips.

'Yep, I fucked that up.'

"R-right, sorry. I'm Ollie." I stutter feeling my face burning as red as her hair. A laugh emerges from her lips, giggling at my stupidity.

"You don't talk to a lot of people, do you?" she asks resting her head on her hand with her right cheek compressed by the bunched-up fingers while her eyes look into mine.

"I have friends, I promise." I blurt out.

'Great first impression...moron.'

"I mean talking to new people."

"You could tell from miles away couldn't you."

"Yeah."

"Yikes, sorry."

"No need to apologize, Ollie."

"So... *Ahem* what brings you to being on this ship?" her left brow just raises but the amused look on her face simply remains.

"I'm going to Costa Rica to visit a relative of mine for a few days. What about you?"

"Oh um...I'm going on a self-vacation."

"Ah, you're going to reinvest your wellbeing."

"I'm guess that you saw the ad."

"Of course, it's kind of hard not to since that ad is literally everywhere."

"Yeah, yeah it is." rubbing the nape of my neck and eyes looking anywhere but Macie.

"May I ask where in particular are you going to 'self-rediscover' yourself at?"

"Carrageen Parricide."

"Ah, the island. I've been there, you'll love it."

"You've gone?"

"Yep, stayed there for two weeks. I needed to relinquish my self-worth."

"How long ago was that?"

"About three months ago."

"Huh."

'At least, I know completely that I'm not getting gipped.'

How long are you staying, Ollie?"

"A few months."

"A few months, huh?" I just sheepishly nod

"Ollie, can I ask you something personal?"

"I don't see why not."

"What made you want to disband yourself from human contact for a few months?"

'Whoop, there it is.'

"Uh..well..it's embarrassing. You would probably laugh at me."

"Try me."

"I lost myself." her eyebrows raise as she straightens up almost immediately.

"Why would I laugh at that?" I just shrug

"I don't know."

"That seems to be problem at hand for you, not knowing." a faint air of a chuckle comes out before a faint smile softly

"Tell me about it."

"So.. you think this vacation can help you discover your purpose completely?"

"At this point, I'm willing to try anything."

"Ollie, I'm going to give you a little piece of advice and you can choose to accept it."

"Okay." I drag out as I just blink a few times waiting yet anxious for what she has to say.

"Desperation for a solution and finding the easy way out doesn't bandage a situation quicker especially when it comes to your life."

"Excuse me?"

"Taking this trip doesn't automatically solve all your troubles instantly. Yeah, it will help clear your mind with the smog you suffer but it doesn't have the air that your lungs provide. So, when you get on that island, take your time figuring things out and if you still are lost then that's fine. There's no time limit to figuring out what you are doing with your life."

"Hell of a piece of advice and if that's little I'm scared to see what your longest piece of advice is." we both crack up laughing.

"You know for someone who doesn't talk to a lot of people, you sure know how to talk with me."

"Maybe it's different with you." I say with a shrug.

"Yeah, maybe."

*HONK!!!!!*

The boat howls it's wailing cry dragging our conversation to a halt.

"Looks like your stop is here sooner than ever."

"Looks like it."

"Well, I'll let you get to your island." she winks as she gets up to her feet stretching her arms in the air.

"I guess so, have fun in Costa Rica." I say getting to my feet as well.

"Thanks and good luck trying to figure out your life. I hope you find the answer soon."

"Thanks. Oh hey, hold out your hand."

"Okay?" she reaches over and grabs the notebook ripping out a small strip and writing something on it before placing it into my palm.

"Whenever, your back officially from your trip..." she begins at as soon as I open my palm and notice digits with her name written off to the side.

"Call me and let me know how it all went."

'Be cool.'

"Uh-yeah for sure." I stutter again

'smooth. Not!'

"Maybe you can tell me how your trip went. Of course, that may be a little over due by the time I get back."

"Hey, it's alright. I really don't mind."

"Cool. Well it was nice talking to you, Macie."

"It was nice talking to you too, Ollie." I give a faint wave before I gather my stuff and start to head off for the island.

"Oh and Ollie!"

"Yeah?" I stop in my tracks mid walk nd turn my head to face the redhead.

"If you do find the answers that you look for, don't be disappointed by them. Just accept them."

"I'll keep that in mind." I reply with a nod before continuing to walk forward.

A lot to happen to what feels like a short period of time but I guess that's what happens when you focus on something else.

I may not know Macie personally but she made some valid points that really opens the mind. I may have forgotten or lost my reason for being on this planet and yeah I maybe going overboard on this idea. No pun intended. However, it's a start of something to at least clear my mind on a lot of things. I shouldn't expect an immediate answer for something that takes time.

Will I discover myself again? Will this trip truly help me or did I do all this to easily escape something I have to eventually come face to face?

The wooden bridge collapse's onto the sand signaling me to go. Clutching to the notebook in my right hand before proceeding forward until I'm also in the sand with the board. Face to face with the small patch of mother nature herself.

'That's what I'm going to find out.'