The bridge

One little step, a mere second of inattention and nothing is left of of me but an empty bottle.

Its not until the cold breeze brushes my cheeks that i realized i climbed on the edge with no second thoughts.

I look down at the greenish river under the bridge .

"Why?"

Would be first question he'll ask once he sees me there but i wouldn't bother answering because my kiss, my touch and moans will say it all.

My eyes leave the river to look at the dying sun and i still remember how we met. The sun was young and burning the only thing i wanted was cold drink.

I have been waiting on a line for thirty minutes, THIRTY DAMN MINUTES to have a soda. I almost dance when i see its my turn but restraint seeing how the guy behind the counter seems to have a worse day than mine.

I patiently wait for my order, I'm about to grab my cup when someone place money on the counter . I'm about to turn and thank this angel who just paid for me when i see the devil grabbing my cup.

"Excuse me??" I ask my nose flaring and my ears should be smoking too, not only from the hellish heat but from the anger i feel at that moment.

"Can I help?" He ask me with the most arrogant smile I've ever seen, a beautiful smile...

"CONCENTRATE " my subconscious shouts at me

"That is mine, I've been waiting here for years just to get the Damn cup you are sipping now." I stop talking to catch up my breath and i realize ive been standing on my tiptoes

" nothing proves that's yours...plus i just paid for it see?"

He seemed amused and i almost smiled at him but my soar throat reminds me...

"You are buying me another one or I'll make you discover from which other hole you can drink that." I point his cup very aware that even if he was blind he would beat the crap out of me .

"Oh my God , short girls and their large mouths " is the last thing he said sighting before buying me that famous drink.

After that i seemed to come across him everywhere and every time he will do something to annoy me.

A drink became a lunch . The lunch became an excuse to see each other again which led to a dinner which became a first kiss. The kiss we've wanted since the first day but i was never a romantic neither was he. Life took it as a mission to put us in the most cliche moments you've ever read in a book.

We played along thinking we could win, but life is a bitch isn't she?

I barely realized i was in love that he was gone...

A car horn brings me back from the past to face my own present at the edge of a bridge .

I look around me to see if anyone is coming but there is no one, this road is empty .

Why would a life lover go so young, i hate him for playing me, for letting me think we could be a thing.

Maybe if i just ignored him that day and was patient enough to buy another drink, he would have been a stranger an impolite stranger. But i had to talk, i always have to say something and here i am, speechless with a broken heart.

The missing peices seem to be waiting at the bottom of the river.

"But he died on a bed tho?" My mocking mind reminds me. He never wanted to go, he had plans for his future, for his life ...for our life.

I almost believed i was getting that .

Does letting myself fall off the bridge to join the love of my life count as a happy ending?

I look around once more but there is no one to answer my question, even my smart mind keeps quiet unlike my eyes still looking around and my ears only hearing the water under the bridge.

"No one will stop you" my mind finally says crushing my last hopes that someone will be rescuing me, i believe my cliche moments died with him.

This time i look at the blue black sky even the stars refused my invitation only the half moon stares clearly disapproving or is that my conscience.

I close my eyes, feeling my body getting unbalanced by the wind . If i let myself fall off the bridge , no one will save me.

"Be your own savior and decide to live" i hear his voice as clear as i hear my heavy breathing

I open my eyes and just like yesterday and all the other days since his death, i climb off the rail.

I walk back to town slowly , occasionally turning to look at the spot where i was standing a few minutes asking myself why jumping here appeared to me as a solution . I did this every day hoping to let the pain at the bridge and go on with my life.

I never had a sad life, but he added some light to it and now i can't see myself loving anyone , no... i don't want to love someone .

Our live was so beautiful that i fear i won't be happy like this and if i don't have that version of love then i don't want it at all.

"One day you will heal and move on"

As i hear his voice talking me once more i stop realising I'm standing right infront of the coffee shop were we first met and which became our place. This time i let my tears down, tired of it all.

How will i heal if i hear his voice in my head each time I am sad and i have to see all the places which reminds me i was happy just eight months ago.

Tears keep flowing, i burry my hands in my coat pockets and walk back to my flat ignoring the odd looks people give me when they see I'm not even hiding the tears on my face. I see a lady looking at me with disdain like she never shed tears what is more nerving is, she doesn't quit staring at me so i stop to face her.

" unless you have a tissue mind your own business " and i keep on walking like I've never spoken to the woman.

Some people are still looking at me but i don't even bother staring back at them. I keep walking and lift my head seeing the stars finally showed up and i realize i feel better than earlier and smile to my self before opening my door.

"One day i will heal,wouldn't I?"