Dejavu

She walked slowly towards the Psychologist room,fear emanating in each and every step she took,this was her last session yet she felt like she needed thousands more,surely she was looking forward to her family and the bits of life she now had because of him.An irony was lost on her,here she was in prison because she was wrongly accused of kidnapping and torturing and a bunch of other fabricated charges interwoven by Jonathan her 11 years stepson yet she still loved children and harbored no evil against him.She had decided that i she saw Jonathan or his father John she was going to run away from them not retaliate.

She entered the room and opted for the floor in the corner , she glanced at the tiny table and was heartbroken to see her diaries she has complied for all the years she was here,it was clear that she was to be released tomorrow an opening many pray for yet she felt ill prepared to go back to life.She realized that she must've zoned off for she looked up to Doctor Kathy's smiling face.

"Aren't we excited to go to the twins?" Kathy asked,taking her seat,perching her glasses on the ridge of her nose,pulled her shawl around her shoulders ,getting her notes and a pen. "I am scared Kathy I know that we've talked about easing back to the community but last time Austin was here he warned me that I may not receive a warm welcome,they have started leaving Psycho notes in the postbox and I am scared that I won't be able to jog let alone showing my face to the Supermarket to buy milk or bread,they believe I am guilty Kat " She only realized she was crying when Kathy gave her a tissue."I understand your fears but maybe seeing your face and all your achievements they will change their minds,I know it'll be hard but I don't think you have to spend another day in the dark,Samantha you love the sun and I recommend you take walks,start a garden,go to the library,find a partner,get a job,make new friends and live life to the fullest,understood?" Samantha smiled "I hate it when you use the mommy voice on me especially when I know you're right"Kathy gave Samantha a bag with all her journals "Go and tell the girls goodbye ,you're going to be a mother from tomorrow, a little parting advice don't be angry or feel bad if they talk bad or bang their doors on your face,they don't mean it and they'll come back to apologize later, all the best" " Can i call you during your lunch breaks,just to tell you about my day?" Kathy nodded several times and offered Samantha a business card "I have transferred your files to Dr Cassandra my twin sister who lives in your town you can make the appointment when you're ready but if you still feel like you need me after visiting her you can call me during my lunch breaks"

She woke up early and dressed up in a floral dress which felt loose and strange,she tied her hair at the back ,grabbed a plastic full of belongings on her right and farewell cards on her right and she nervously headed for the gate.She wished she had a hat to obstruct the sun from directly penetrating her eyes. She released the breath she wasn't aware she was holding ,she looked up and saw her brother Austin wearing faded jeans, a leopard print vest and worn out boots,she smiled when she realized that her brother still clung to the dream of becoming a cowboy even at mid forties,maybe dreams weren't meant to change ,but hers did,for the worst it seemed.

She loved Austin because they had that strange silent communication that suited her especially today,she didn't want no small talks she wanted to get home ,lie down and begin the last straw of her life.

She looked at the trees and marveled at the changes she recognized in her hometown,there were now fewer trees and more infrastructure.The former dusty town of Cleremont looked ready to compete against developed cities of the world.

She looked upon her gate and realized something strange there were three crosses instead o the usual two,come to think of it she hasn't seen or heard from Auntie Maggie for more than six months every time she asked about her Austin changed the topic and she ended up forgetting about her aunt, the woman who she owed her whole miserable life for taking care of a day old twins, the only person who never asked her if she did what she was falsely accused of for she knew that she was way above doing all those things Jonathan accused her of.

Tears were flowing her lovely cheeks and she felt like turning to Savannah her inmate but this was home and prison on the other side of the town,she found her self thinking of John and she cried loudly that Austin looked at her worry written all over his face"She wanted you to focus on your rehabilitation she didn't want the news of her sickness to trouble you,she forced all of us to remain silent,she died three months ago of cancer,she battled the thing to its knees wanting to spend another day with you,she envisioned how your homecoming will be like,she said I wanted to see Sammy smile like the sun she loves dearly I am so sorry" Samantha shrugged her shoulders she knew that her aunt could've wrestled a bull should she so wished,she only wished she was around to help boil her water or something."I didn't do it aussie..." Austin shook his head,parked the car and wiped her kid sister's tears" You don't have to do this I knew that you aren't capable of this,you don't have to justify yourself sammy ,that was way beneath you , you're back home now don't worry you can never be judged, now wipe your tears and fix your face you don't want to look a zombie on your first pic,okay?" Samantha did as he asked and plastered a smile on her face.

By dinner time Samantha was tired,she couldn't still get over the fact that her twins found it easy to call her mom,she poured a cup of tea and headed to the porch and really watch the sky.Her mind drifted to the happiest day of her life the day she found out she was pregnant for John her soulmate.

"What did the Dr say honey?" John asked staring at Samantha hoping he can get the answer from her body language and facial expression"I am pregnant with twins and yes you're the dad" Samantha smiled at John, who had tears in his eyes ,fell on one knee and produced a ring"I know I was supposed to plan a dinner ,buy flowers and the works but I don't think there'll be ever a good time than this "My love I love your smile,your strength,charisma and gentle heart please allow me spend the rest of my life ..." Samantha dragged him to his feet and plastered his face with kisses "Yes and yes my love" She was still stuck in that moment when Janice her daughter walked up to her and sat before her."I know you're new mum but I would like for you to meet my potential boyfriend" Samantha smiled glad that her daughter felt free enough to want to introduce her boyfriend to her one day mum"How about you invite him tomorrow to lunch? but for now tell me all there is to know about this contract boyfriend" Janice shook her head" Mum you're bad as Grandma Magz who calls someone a contract? anyways Pete is 12 years my senior ,he's an attorney who helps people who want to appeal their sentences,studies cases and free people who were wrongly arrested,we have been seeing each other for 2 years,we haven't slept together because I wanted your input , I have only shown Grandma his pics and she asked me to keep it from everyone until you came back,strangely enough she wanted you to personally validate him for me"Samantha smiled warily trying to understand what made Magz feel like she had to vet the potential boyfriend who sounded okay for her daughter."Why would a young man like Pete choose such a career?" Janice shrugged her shoulders" When I first asked him that he told me one strange answer which is atoning for his sins please don't ask what sins because he promised to come clean after he has met you which will be tomorrow." Samantha stretched herself a yawn escaping her mouth"Let me go and sleep I have an interview for tomorrow, sleep tight Jan" Janice shook her head" Don't chase him away mum he gets me like Justin gets me and that's rare to find outside the family tree,okay?"

Samantha sat on the opal chair removing invisible lint on her skirt,truth is that she was scared of trying another Psychologist it had taken her a whole year to go to Dr Kathy and another to make meaningful conversations with her,somehow she felt safe and there was a voice that told her to keep calm all will be alright in the back of her mind.She looked up to see Dr Kathy or rather Dr Cassandra who is a splitting image of her previous doctor.The Dr smiled at her and asked"How are you feeling Samantha?" " I am okay Dr,first day was smooth the only downside of things was the fact that Aunt Magz died and I wasn't informed but I don't blame anyone for I knew my aunt was handful" "Have you thought about what you wanted to do for a living?" Samantha smiled shyly " I want to try ghost writing, I love teaching but I don't think I will be accepted with open arms but I think ghostwriting will have to do for now" Dr Cassandra nods and asked while sketching something on a paper"What will you write about?" "Children's books I think while I was in prison I studied a lot about Literature I want to put it to use"Dr Cassandra offered Samantha the sketch of a happy woman sitting in a corn field smiling brightly."Here she looks familiar maybe someday you will meet her,thank you so much for coming today please feel free to text me or call for anything" Samantha looked up and smiled"Thank you too Dr Cassandra"

The ride home was light somehow seeing Dr Cassandra made her believe in herself,she looked at the watch and realized that she had 20 minutes before Pete arrives and she wanted to make a good impression,she rushed up the stairs to her room to choose a dress and style her hair.

She slowly made her way to the dining hall,listening to Justin's booming voice,Janice's soft laughs and another voice which reminded her of John,she mentally kicked the memories and repeated her mantra. I am home,loved and wanted.

She entered the room only to be hugged by both twins who screamed mum simultaneously which made her believe that they had previously made a bet of who can can call her first and she smiled as Janice made introductions"Pete this is my lovely mum Ms Rowland , on the corner is my rabbit of a brother Justin,mum and rabbit brother meet Pete my friend oh and my uncle is the wannabe cowboy you met outside"

Samantha smiled and extended her hand for a shake only to realize that Pete is the reason she spent twenty years in prison for kidnapping and attempting to murder a 11 years Jonathan Mortins who now stood before her as Pete,she felt her stomach turning she heard the front door slam open and saw Austin entering the house with a rifle in hand,he grabbed his sister and silently asked what was wrong.Samantha spoke softly yet soundly "This is Jonathan ,aussie he's John's son,look at him" Austin pointed the gun towards the young man who went down on both knees,tears flowing down his cheeks"I am sorry Miss Rowland it was my mum who put me up to it and made all the arrangements,she wanted to get back together with my dad,I am sorry I didn't know Janice was yours I wouldn't have approached her I swear ,It only registered to me all my wrongdoings at the age of 19 that's why I do what I do,I wanted to atone for my sins,I know it's not enough..." Samantha's head was pounding yet she spoke loudly "I was 21 years I wanted to be a Proffessor god dammit, I wanted to marry John my twin's dad,I wanted to travel the world,I wanted to do a lot of stuff and I couldn't because of the game you played on my life,now you come in my home and want to marry your step sister? You changed your name and life's good but for me it isn't. You want my forgiveness ?okay you have it but please leave me alone,leave my town alone should Janice and Justin want to form a relationship with their big step brother okay,but as for me I don't want your letter,text or gift I don't want to ever see you again.I can't be hired ,I can't leave the house freely,I have to wake up at 3 am check the post box for any nasty letters for I don't want to upset my kids yet you're here preaching atonement,why didn't you tell the papers like you did the last time? why didn't you make a series of press conferences like you did the last time huh?" Janice appeared on the left of her mother threw a ring at Pete and spoke softly "If you didn't hear my mum leave and on the sibling issue,don't worry I have one brother and he's Justin you should go and ask your mum for more siblings now leave and never talk to me " Pete picked up the ring,slowly checked his pocket found a piece of paper and scrabbled an address and slowly placed it on the table and spoke slowly" This is where John was buried he died of heart attack the moment I told him the fact that you were innocent, he left all his belongings to you and the twins ,while doing the series of tests it revealed that John wasn't my biological dad, so be rest assured we aren't related,thank you for your forgiveness and I promise to leave the states tonight I am sorry for all I caused you"Pete slowly left the house.