Oy

Is somebody going to say it?   Come on?   Anybody?    Yes, I realize it’s a holy word, the one and only true name of G-d, but somebody’s got to say it eventually.   Yes, I realize you can only say it in context, like the name of the Scottish Play by William Shakespeare.   No, that word is unholy and should never be spoken, except in context of the play.   Just like the word you won’t say of G-d, nobody says the name of the Scottish Play.  

     I’m sure there are words in every language that aren’t supposed to be spoken.   There are swear words in every language.    There are holy words and holy places as well which only certain people can go to.   There are also restrictions on other things like Kabbalah.   Only married men with three children can participate in Kabbalah and why do the men wear kepot?   To cover up their bald spots of course.   Wouldn’t want to pray while others are staring at our bald spots.   There is a book called, “The Jewish Book of Why’s” but it’s an old book and a lot of the information is outdated.   Even the second, third and fourth additions are outdated.  

       But, anthropologists agree, there are certain words that can’t be said or written in languages and there are different expressions in different cultures.   Like, bang you up means to wake you up by knocking on your door in England whereas in the EEUU, being banged up means being pregnant.   Languages also change with different generations.   Like we used to say a sentence and then say the word not to indicate we really didn’t mean that.   Like, you’re the sexiest man alive, not.   Some people used the word psyche in the same way.  

     Different professions used different words that are outdated.   Also, there are derogatory terms for all cultures, races, religions, etc.    People try to stay away from these terms.  There are also jokes which discriminate against different cultures.   For example, there was a Jewish man who went to his rabbi and told his rabbi his son was starting to look into Christianity, and the man wasn’t sure what to do.   The rabbi said he has a son also who looked into Christianity and the Rabbi wasn’t sure what to do either.   Then, they both heard a voice, “I too had a Son”.   But, a person who was Jewish would find that joke offensive.  

     See, learning a language is more than just learning a language.   It’s learning an entire culture.   Each section of the culture has its own expressions.   In Pittsburgh, the plural of you is youins.   In Baltimore everyone screams at the top of their lungs to the person standing right next to them because they’re idiots.  

      There are other expressions which mean the opposite of what they say.   For example, there’s a joke told at our dinner table, there’s a foreigner working on building a house and another worker spills some paint and the one that spilled the paint says, “Look out below,” so the foreigner looks out the window and gets a face full of paint.   And he says, “You crazy Americans, you say look out when you mean stay in.    

      Back to the original topic?   Okay.  What was the original topic?   I’m getting senile, I forgot.   Oh, yes, the name of G-d we can’t say except in services.   Why don’t you come to services and you can hear it then and I can show you the special way we write this word so we don’t have to spell it out.   Because the Law forbids it.   In the Pentateuch.   Leviticus.  Somewhere in Leviticus.  

      You’re a student or you just some schmuck?   What you studying?   Comparative religion.   How you going to make any money with that?   Yea, I don’t know either.   

     Look, what I’m trying to teach you is it’s a cultural thing.   Like you people cross yourselves when you pass Cristian churches.   I’m sure you do a lot of things I would find weird but they’re customs and they’re normal to us.   

     Like how we go on our tip toes when we say, “Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh”.   But maybe you can hear the word we use as a substitute when we’re practicing.   That’s the word that means the name which is Hashem.   That’s the word we use to practice saying except when it’s sung sung has to be said in rhythm.   Then we say Adoshem.    But Hashem should work just fine.   Then come to our services and I’ll tap you when they say the real word.  The services are about two hours.  

      You will.  We have to make sure you’re wearing the right outfit.   A button-down shirt, a tie, black pants, dress shoes, black socks.   Get the picture?   Also, the men and women sit separately.   Why?   Tradition, some say, distraction others say.  It doesn’t matter.   Sit with the men, I’ll tap you when they say the word.  Then, you’ll get the answer to your questions.  

 *

      So, we went and I heard the word that he wasn’t allowed to say or write, but I could do alliteration with it.   So, I record it and remember which word it is.   This will be wonderful for my thesis.   

      But, I have to get their permission.   I could ask the man for his signature, but he’s a smart man and he’ll know.   So, I ask him and he says it’s fine as long as I don’t use the name of G-d in Hebrew.   I ask for clarification but he repeats himself.  

    So, talk to my thesis advisor and he says we’ll figure a way around it.  What if I use an apostrophe and put at the end what the apostrophe is for.  But, my conscience tells me, then I remember I’m a student.   I don’t have a consciousness.  

      So, through trickery I get the man to sign it.  Then, bring it to my teacher.  He reads it over and I see a small smile on his face, Professor D.   Then he asks if I’m sure I want to submit it, since it contains the word you’re never supposed to say or write it, even in a thesis.   I ask if he thinks it’ll get me my degree and he pauses and says, “Yes, more than likely, but is it worth it?”   I told him I’d sleep on it.   So, I went home, thought about my thesis, the money I’d spent on my education and tossed and turned.  The next morning I’d make my decision.