Puss Has a Conniption Then Takes Fido on a Wildgoose Chase

Fido is relaxing on the livingroom rug, while Puss is watching his favorite soap: "The Bold and the Beautiful" from his favorite armchair when, suddenly, he sits up and says, "What's that stench??"

Fido hears Puss and takes a sniff and says, "Not sure, Puss..."

Puss says, "Fido you must be cutting farts...you just don't want to admit it!"

Fido says huffily, "I am not Puss!!! That smells like your brand!"

"It does not, Fido. My farts don't stink." Puss takes another whiff of the stench and says, "Man, where is that stench coming from?! Make it go away!"

Fido says, "It seems to be coming from the kitchen...Now I know what it is...The human must be cooking corned beef and cabbage...it's the cabbage!"

"Fido get some fresh air in here...why in the hell is she cooking that up?? It's rank, man!"

Fido turns the fan on in the livingroom. "I think I'm gonna barf," says Puss, who is now running around in circles.

"Take it easy, Puss...just relax. Why don't you get into a drawer!"

"That's an idea..." Puss pulls on a drawer and jumps into it. "Get this drawer closed, Fido!"

While Puss is in the drawer, Mom appears in the livingroom carrying a platter of corned beef and cabbage, and says, "Here Puss, I brought you a tasty snack!"

Puss hears her and shrieks, "Get that out of here, mom...it's makin' me sick!"

Fido says, "I'll eat it, mom." She puts the platter down in front of Fido who then scarfs it down.

Puss is repulsed by this and starts drooling all over his fur, in no small way, and pushes the drawer open and says, "Ewwww man, that's gross, Fido...how can you eat that?!"

Fido, who is licking his chops says, "Man, that was good!!"

"Now the farts are gonna start." says Puss to Fido. "More stench in here!" And just like that, Fido blasts out a smelly cabbage fart...then another...and another.

Puss starts racing around in circles, having a fit of some kind. "Quick mom...spray some air freshener in here, top speed!"

But unfortunately, the human has run out of air freshener..."We ran out of it, Puss..."

"Get that incense lit then," Puss screams. Mom proceeds to light some incense and sets it on the table next to Puss.

Puss inhales and this calms him down, and he falls asleep.

When Puss wakes up, he sniffs and says to Fido: “I still have that smelly cabbage odor in my nose! Let’s take a drive and get some fresh air.”

After that, Puss and Fido get into the old stationwagon with bald tires, the radio blasting.

Both of them are strapped in as Puss puts the key in the ignition and backs out of the driveway. Puss puts the pedal to the metal and floors it up the street.

Fido says: “Puss, you just took out a bush. I could do better than that!”

Puss says: “I’m just warming up here, man.”

Fido says: “Christ! When do I get a turn?”

Puss says: “Relax Fido…there’s plenty of time for that…I wanna cruise around…check out the scenery…cruise some chics, man.” Puss hangs a right onto a busy boulevard.

Fido says: “Slow down man…”

Puss says: “Look at the knockers on that babe, man!” as he drives the car up onto the sidewalk and nearly takes out a poodle…”

“Man you’re on the freakin’ sidewalk! Let me out!” Puss narrowly avoids a telephone pole.

Puss says: “Relax man…sit back and enjoy the ride….I’m cuttin’ loose here!”

Fido screams: “Let me out…I’ll walk home!” Just then, Fido turns to see a patrol car with flashing lights on just behind them, and says, “You have to pull over, man!”

Puss looks into the rearview mirror and says: “What in the hell is this???” Puss reluctantly pulls over and stops the car.

A big, mean looking German Shepherd wearing blue shades appears at the side of the car and signals to Puss to roll down the window.

“K-9 Patrol here…license and registration, please.”

Puss thinks quick on his paws and says, “Left it at home officer….”

Big German Shepherd says: “Step out of the car, puss.”

Puss doesn’t like his tone and thinks, how dare he treat me in this impudent manner!” Pissed, Puss opens the door and jumps out of the car.

Big German Shepherd stands there and sizes Puss up and says, “Hey short stuff, my guess is you don’t even have a license to drive…your paws don’t even reach the pedals, dude,” then starts laughing hysterically.

Puss is hoppin’ mad now and gets his back up into full regal mode, hisses loudly, and says, “Hey back off dude! My intelligence is superior to yours. I can think circles around you!”

Big German Shepherd says: “Are you some kind of crazy or somethin? I’m takin’ you in! Put your paws behind your back, furball!” then proceeds to cuff Puss. Puss hisses then screams: “Fido you have to bail me out!!!”

Fido says: “I’m on it, man!”

At the pet police station, they take a mugshot of Puss to his horror. Puss sees it and is displeased with his picture and says, "Can you take another one??? I look nasty here..."

The German Shephard laughs and says, "That's what you look like, man!"

"I do not!" screams Puss.

"Time for you to get into your orange jumpsuit..."

"I'm not wearin' that!!!"

"Oh yes you are dude. Put that on topspeed, squirt."

Puss is about to cry when he sees Fido at the door with the bail money.

"What took you so long, Fido?" Puss asks sounding annoyed.

"What difference does it make...I'm here now, Puss! You should be thankin' me!"

A few minutes later, Puss is sent on his way. "I'll drive." Fido tells him.

Puss climbs into the front seat and Fido gets behind the wheel, and puts the car in drive and heads for home. "Hey, Fido...let's stop at the Burger King for a Whopper."

"Sounds like a plan," Fido says cheerfully. And so, another fun fur filled day with Puss and Fido!